How do you change the way you think and process things? How do you set and keep boundaries when others just want to trample them, all the while keeping such a sense of entitlement.
Here's my bitch/vent/primal scream -
Mom and Sister are moving into my house . Yesterday I was informed via email by my mother that they needed:
some cable tv/dish/direct tv
a dumpster so their dog wouldn't get into the trash
a light rented from the elect company
all of this in an email asking me when I was going to get the rent check to them, since I have to float them their rent for a few days this month. I am supposed to track you down and give you money?
I responded in an email:
I am unwilling to put a telephone in my name. (They got their landline shut off due to non-payment). They both have cell phones.
I wasn't going to pay for a dumpster. Trash pick up was Tuesday. She said it was too hard to remember what day was trash day to put the trash out.
I'd be happy to meet my sister at HD or Lowe's to buy the weedeater of her choice.
I wasn;t willing to rent a light, but would buy something if they could find something else that wouldn't require wiring.
I received a scathing response from my Mom that I'd forgotten what it was like to be poor and that I shouldn't forget that she was doing me a favor and that she was afraid for me and this new attitude I'd developed - that I could expect punishment of some sort. And to forget the weedeater, etc. they would just let the place grow up.
I want to fucking scream. I understand that I cannot change her/their behavior, but I need to handle these outcomes in a much better fashion. I'm alternating between wanting to go into a blue rage or an eating binge.
Big hateful vent :
Don't play the poor crap with me. You've made lousy choices all your fucking life and depended upon me, inappropriately, I may add, for years, to pick up the slack - just as you do with Sis. I do have a little bit of extra money right now - I still owe a mountain of debt, a small part spent trying to keep you happy, - and let's look at the facts. I don't have cable/dish/whatever. I have "poor people's tv" as you call it. I don't drive a fucking LEXUS SUV, either. I drive an 18 year old pick up and used car that I paid $1700 dollars for. I have some money for a reason - the reason being - that I don't think that I'm entitled to season tickets, I'm not entitled to new clothes all the time.
Yes, you are right, I don't pay rent at Bick's, but I also don't give him a list of things that he must do in order for me to move in there. I either pay for it myself or do without. And I don't trust you spending my money. I've tried to get you and Sis a credit card so that you can have one for emergencies - and guess what - a sale an Steinmart isn't a fucking emergency. So you've lost and run through all of your options. I don't care that you owe Lesa money. I'm not going to feel guilty about "not taking care of my own". My own is Pebbles and she's doing fine. I wouldn't do this for her and she iIS my own.
You don't have a checking account, you don't have a credit card - not because of some tragic accident that you have no control over - it's because you fucking cannot and will not handle your money. And I am goddamn tired of having to deal with it and the fact that you accept NO PERSONAL RESPONSIBLITY FOR ANY OF IT. IT IS YOUR GODDAMN FAULT. NOT MINE. IT'S YOURS - OWN IT. I'm not going around town and cleaning up your messes anymore like I had to do when I was a kid. Picking up your hot checks all around town. Calling the oil company and begging them to bring oil for the furnace because you wouldn't pay the bill. I know, we were poor? RIght? You couldn't stay out of the goddamned mall long enough to take care of your business. I understand that you are sick. I really do. But own and deal with it.
There. I feel better. Except for the crying part.