Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Incremental

As I approached the two year anniversary of my quit, I also reflected on the two year anniversary of Bick's decision to end our then-fledgling relationship. I went back and re-read my writing from that time (I need to move my archives) and realized that it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. That had we not taken the time to stop, step back and regroup, with no intention of trying it again, that we would not have the relationship that we have today. Hell, we both doubt that we would even have a relationship without the break. I was gearing up to cease having any contact with him, as it was keeping me from moving forward with my life.

In the aftermath of the breakup, I came to understand that my reaction to it was very, very unhealthy and I took steps to deal with more of my own issues. The knowledge and skillset I gained during those talk therapy sessions are, and will continue to be, important steps in my journey.

I/we now know what was going on with him and me at the time, although he didn't fully realize his issues at the time. I know that I/we felt this great connection to him at times, but then at other times, he was so "whatever" that I had a really hard time knowing where I stood. I can remember after some dates thinking that would be the last date, only to be surprised when he would call again.

He later told me that he realized that he wasn't completely over the woman he had been dating before and just the other day I said something like "I knew that you liked me very much, and yet were pissed off at me that I wasn't her" - and he said that I had nailed it. So while I was having this strange reaction to him at the time, it wasn't without merit. What I did wrong was not figure out what was going on and walk away myself until he got his stuff together, if and when he ever would.

So he forced us both into some rethinking and our relationship is on a far different trajectory than it would be if we had kept at it as it was two years ago.

Sometimes it's hard to see the incremental progress in the journey.

3 comments:

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  2. Hi Roxie. Hand in there, I'm cheering for you. I now have my before and after picks up at http://www.ohwellnochoice.blogspot.com.

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  3. Those are great insights. "I could tell you liked me very much but were pissed off I wasn't her" has applied in my life, too, before, only I was acting like Bick in that case.

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We'll try this for a while.