Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Down 10, 10 to go: Navel Gazing

Dropped 1.5

Down 10, 10 to go. Calves are doing better, but still ouchy. I think Jill is right, so I'll try to work them out today at lunch.

Spent some time last night thinking about Sandy and my feelings about/toward her. After writing about it for a bit, I came to some pretty uncomfortable conclusions. The negative feelings that I have for her are my own, internal. They do not stem from some protective feeling I have towards Bick. In some cases I guess I view their relationship as reaping what you sow. A very judgmental thought, I might add. But pretty much all my thoughts about Sandy are judgmental. Where the hell do I get off determining what she "deserves" or what she doesn't? I do find that I somehow bringing Pebbles into this equation - that Pebbles would deserve some opportunity like this, while Sandy does not? Somehow I seem to think that this is better than what Pebbles got. And probably most telling, better than what I got.

So most of what and how I feel about Sandy and this education deal is based in jealousy. There was a certain release to getting to the bottom of what I was feeling - to remove the shenpa. I'm still left with the knowledge of what emotions can live undisturbed in the corners of my life.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Get Real.

-Roxie

1 comment:

  1. Ohh how fun to see you 1001 list grow. Some sound so cool and I can visualize you doing them ALL.

    You're so thorough in your thought process and it is very inspiring. Usually when I'm pissed, that's it, I'm pissed. All them, couldn't be me. Hmmm, this is a great reminder to put some extra thought into my thoughts and look in the mirror while doing it.

    "Strrreeeetch..."

    ReplyDelete

We'll try this for a while.