Monday, September 22, 2008

Fear Itself.

While doing some treadmill meditation this afternoon, I feel like I've discovered the cause of my recent bout with anxiety/stress/whatever. Fear. I am afraid. I am afraid of rage. I am afraid of rage in me. I am afraid of unleashing the rage in me. And this fear has me paralyzed. I can't seem to be able to do anything but think about it.

My Mom has entered into a contract to sell a portion of the property in WA and I agree with her decision. Actually, I've pushed for her to sell all of it, but she's uninterested. I have said that since she is selling that I wish to settle up the estate - meaning I want the portion of the proceeds of this sale that I am legally entitled to at this time. She is unwilling to do this, so it looks like my only option is to sue her or attempt to legally block the sale of the property. The nuclear option.

I am so angry about this that I can barely function. And I fear this anger. It feels too big for me, somehow.


  1. Congratulations on recognizing what you are feeling and where it is coming from! It is scary stuff.

    You will figure this out. Trust yourself and your instincts.

  2. I think you are a very wise person and you will make the right decision. Whatever you decide to do, remember that you can also decide to be at peace with it.


We'll try this for a while.