Thursday, July 31, 2008

Getting your panties in a wad

I went shopping for some new underbritches last night. My "full-coverage-wear-with-skirts-on-a-windy-day" drawers were looking a bit ragged. So it was off to the no asterisk store to get some new panties. They no longer carried the style that I bought the last time, so I bought their latest offering in the size I always buy. The size I've been wearing for nearly ever, the size that I've worn in a forty pound range. This size, that when I put them on this morning felt like I was crawling into an intertube. I re-peeked at the size again to make sure that I hadn't bought some sort of tour-de-france-for-little-people underpants, but no, the size on the label was the same as on the hangar.

But OUCH. They are not wearing any better this afternoon than they did this morning. And I now own several pairs of these torture devices.

Sure Happy It's Thursday

Went to mermaid class last night and plan to attend the final class tonight, as summer session will end. It will be another three weeks before the fall session of exercise classes begin. I haven't seen the schedule, but I'm hoping for something new and interesting as boredom is setting in.

Brian commented to me about exercise as punishment, and no, I don't really view it as punishment. There are days, however, when I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS. And on those days, it becomes a decision to just go and just do the time. I wish that I was excited and looked forward to every exercise session, but I don't.

I am looking forward to Saturday, though. I'm going back to the most perfect yoga studio in the world to attend a drum circle (never done that) followed by a laughing yoga class (don't have a clue what that is) - but given this studio, I'm sure that I will enjoy it. I am going to try to hit the Jesus Gym early Saturday morning for some hard-core sweating.

Pebbles' dog seems to be responding to the medication and has only had one seizure in the last couple of days, so I remain hopeful that they have found a solution. Poor puppy. And poor kiddo. She's pretty upset over this. Guy's parents (retired) are doing dog-sitting duty while Pebbles is in OK at a job-site. I have never met them, but Pebbles seems to like them a lot - which is a good sign. She and Guy seem to have weathered whatever rough patch they were going through and the exotic disease specialist was finally able to diagnose and propose a treatment for his weird hand condition that wouldn't heal. Turns out, Drs think he picked up some sort of strange water-borne bug while visiting Washington last year - hell, it could have been from the river at the farm - anyway, he's on a regiment of meds and treatment and is showing signs of improvement for the first time in over a year.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Laugh.

-Roxie

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Another day, another visit to the gym

Did the elliptical tango at lunch, followed by my mermaid class yesterday evening.

I plan to hit the gym at lunch, but the weather looks iffy for an outdoor water aerobics class. We sure could use the rain, however.

Eating well and taking good care of myself. Not much fun or glamorous about it right now, but I'm just logging some healthful days after overindulging a bit on the weekend.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Make the next right decision.

-Roxie

Monday, July 28, 2008

Gym Report: The later edition

Went to the gym. Served an hour on the elliptical machine.

Gym Report

Went to the gym. Served an hour on the treadmill.

Barkley has epilepsy

Pebbles' dog was diagnosed with epilepsy over the weekend, after suffering many seizures. Pebbles is understandibly shaken.

Think good thoughts for the kid and the grandbeast.

Weekend weariness

The dinner for fourteen went well. Everyone appeared to enjoy themselves, including me. I was tired when it was over. Bick and I do enjoy company - we just need to do more potlucks!

Went to the gym on Saturday, but didn't do a thing on Sunday. Looking forward to getting back in the groove this week.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Entertain.

-Roxie

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Did the Gym.

Didn't want to. Did it anyway.

I'm up a half a pound and I'm pissed off.

This is damned ridiculous. I'm eating an appropriate amount of calories and I'm drinking my stupid water. I'm logging every stupid thing that I put in my mouth. I'm counting out almonds, for Pete's sake. I have eleven almonds as a mid-morning, pre-workout snack. It's way, way too early in this process to be stalled.

I'm getting an hour's worth of near-vigorous exercise, complete with body-drenching sweat and this is what I get. My carb count has been high (but good veggie carbs), but apparently my body thinks it's too much. Looks like I will have to go to the induction phase to move past this stall.

And to top it off, I've got to deal with dinner for 15 and 6 houseguests tomorrow. Grrr.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Gymnauseum

Changed things up a bit at the gym today. Instead of saddling up an elliptical machine for an hour, I spent some time on the Stairmaster (10 minutes of that kicked my ass), rowing machine ( I wish I could row crew - I wish there was a place around here that offered it to middle aged women. It's the only real athletic dream that I have. I wanna row crew.), some newfangled machine that looks sort of like the one that the very loud, very pony-tailed guy hawks on tv and the plain old boring treadmill. Variety was nice.

It Will All Be Okay.

I had this conversation with Meg when she last visited. We were having one of our 'meaning of life' talks that cause us to lose track of hours on end and I can remember saying some like, "whatever happens, it will all be okay" and meaning it. Shifting to or adopting or coming to know this is such a change for me. It's a move from living a fear-based life and trying to control as many outcomes as I possible to one that at it's core, allows me to know and understand that I can handle whatever comes my way. Doesn't mean that it won't be sad or unpleasant or whatever, but I will find a way out. I've not always had that peace at my core.

Dropped that pesky pound yesterday and came to, perhaps, another understanding. I think I'm working out too hard right now and I need to allow my body some time to rest. So, I'm will be rethinking my exercise strategy, perhaps through in some weight work and throttle back on the hardcore (for me) stuff a bit. Or give myself a rest day or two during the week. I took one yesterday - I was so exhausted I could hardly stand it. No workout yesterday, but I didn't hurt last night and I slept well and awoke feeling energized, for what feels like the first time in a long while. It's nice to have a bit of spark return.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. It will all be okay.

-Roxie

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Just Irritated

The story of my life. Irritated. Actually, it's good news. I did no damage from my attempts as SawGirl. I was wearing shades, but I'll be more careful and don my safety glasses next time.

Doctor My Eyes

I just made an online appointment to get checked out by the doc-in-the-box. I think I got some sawdust in my eyes last night as Bick and I were trying to finish out the trimwork on the car pavillion. It's still ouchy this morning. Not really painful, more irritation. So, I'm going to have it checked out. Crap.

No change on the weight after the one pound bump up yesterday. Dammit.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. See clearly.

-Roxie

Monday, July 21, 2008

Up 1, 15 to go

The scale was being tempermental this morning. I hate it when that happens. I KNOW that I followed plan, both food and exercise and this is just an anomoly, but it still makes me a bit pissed, especially since it's Monday and I didn't sleep worth a shit last night.

We worked on the pavillion on Sunday morning until it got too damn hot to be outside. The trim work is slow and not very fun, but it is required to have a good finished look. So, we are trying to do something with this project every day, to just gut it out and get it done. Much like trying to lose that last twenty pounds. It's the hardest damn poundage to lose and you end up losing the same few pounds over and over again. I'm back where I was five days ago. Stop. Enough of that. It's not like I'm starving here. Jesus, Roxie, get a grip.

Went to the Jesus Gym last evening to make up for my substitute yoga class on Saturday. Did some elliptical and actually ran a bit. Ended up in the gym with some hardcore weight lifters. Um, that was an interesting experience. I've never seen guys crawl on each others backs to increase the weight for calf lifts. It was an odd thing to see. I just turned up Turq and tried to look away. I certainly felt like an intruder!

Made some great hot, spicy soup last night mostly from our garden vegetables. It was very, very good. I'm looking forward to leftovers for lunch. I've got to get my menu/schedule put together for next weekend's feeding of fourteen. It should be easy enough, if I get my planning done. In fact, success for most everything is in the planning. It's just that this week is looking to be crazy at work, so there's not really a moment to spare.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Plan.

-Roxie

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Overly Susceptable

I woke up angry and I've spent the better part of the day trying to figure out why. I totally ditched the Jesus Gym and my 500 calorie-a-day edict and headed back to Lewisville to the yoga studio. I stopped at a couple of farmer's markets on the way. Nice way to spend the day.

One of the things that I discovered was that I was suffering from some emotional carryover from an audio book I'm listening to - Sharp Objects. It's a mystery and it's very, very good, but it is also very disturbing and I think I was reacting to that. I don't know if hearing something makes it more intense than reading it. I do know that I avoid movies that are intense or disturbing due to the fear that I will never be able to shake off whatever images might come before me.

Another thing that I came to realize is that I'm angry with Bick over a situation where I felt like he wasn't hearing me. So later on this afternoon, I'll address that with him. But much better this afternoon than this morning when I would have just flailed about, perhaps never knowing, much less getting to the point.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Sometimes the work you do on the inside is far more important than the work you do on the outside.

-Roxie

Captain Cranky

Woke up in a foul mood this morning. Luckily, I'm the only one up so no one gets to feel the wonder that is Roxie when she's pissed. And I'm pissed at nothing in particular. Just tired - not getting enough rest or something. So plans for today include spending some time looking under rocks to determine if there's something to this followed by a good workout to get it out of my system. No fun going into the weekend feeling like I could spit nails.

Got to spend some surprise time with Pebbles yesterday afternoon and actually tour the jobsite. Looks like it is going to go over due date. She wasn't happy. We did grab a snack and I took her shopping (just through Hobby Lobby) to get some ideas about the yoga studio. She has an interesting way of honing in on a style. We just took a basket and walked through the store and she asked me to pick out things that I liked and then we sat back and surveyed the themes, color and otherwise, that came out. (And then we put most things back - it's way to early to accessorize). I ended up with an "inspirational" pillow - one that really defines what I'm going for and I had to buy a spool of thread that had the right color that I wanted to treat the walls. So at least I've got those things nailed down. Then she surprised me by saying that she wanted to come back home with me and hang out with us, saying that she hadn't been able to give Bick any shit in a long time. They give each other all sorts of crap and each of them appears to adore it, and each other.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Bitch doesn't become you.

-Roxie

Friday, July 18, 2008

Gymboree Whee!

I'm off to the gym today to try a mixture of cardio stuff. Just to keep out the boredom. I've already ate my lunch which isn't a good sign. I haven't been getting enough calories and I'm getting too hungry. I need to go cash a check and then perhaps buy a piece of fruit for post-workout.

Weekend shouldn't bring about much drama. We are planning to work on the car pavillion - caulking and painting is on tap - and that's about all for that. On Saturday morning I'm planning on going to the Jesus gym and may join in the bodypump class. Or I may head over to the blue pear for a yoga session or a bellydance lesson. They are offering lessons tonight, but that just doesn't work into my schedule very well. I do plan on hitting the restorative yoga class on Sunday evening - which for some reason, is my most difficult time of the week. I'm always at my most blue, and most testy on Sunday afternoon/evenings.

We are doing dinner for 14 next Friday night and it's BYOB - build your own burrito - to accomodate the vegetarians, near vegans, fish onlies, and all the other ilk. It will also be easy enough to have "dinner" on the table at 7:30 on a work night. I need to start planning the whole prepare/buy and use as-is schedule.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Plan for success.

-Roxie

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Down 5.5, 14.5 to go

Yesterday's yoga class was simply delicious. I know I sound all crunchy-granola, but the whole energy/vibe in the class was just wonderful. I was quite easily the least yoga-adept of the group of about ten, but it didn't matter one whit. The instructor was a woman of about 5o or so, Indian, a mere slip of a thing, with such a gentle nature and way of being. Near the end of the session, she turned off the recorded music and sang/chanted to us during our meditation time. Pure bliss. I cannot wait to go back but unfortunately, I don't have off many Wednesdays. But the whole place was very, very cool. I'd never been into oldtown Lewisville, so I enjoyed myself walking around a bit before the class began.

I had every intention of going to the Jesus Gym afterward for a power workout to burn off some calories, but after that great session I was such a noodle that I went home and took a long nap. And I don't feel the least bit guilty about it!

Oh, and on the way home, I ran across a Sprouts store. I hadn't been in one of those since my travels to Arizona. Yummy place. I stopped and picked up some salmon for our dinner last night. Turns out Bick wanted Chinese, so we ran into town (20 miles away!) and got a couple of buffets to go. I was all for the plan, as I thought there would be a lot of heavy vegetable options available to me, but turns out, only green beans and broccolli, but I made due.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Sing.

-Roxie

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Down 5, 15 to go

I'm not exactly happy with this drop, as I didn't eat enough calories yesterday. It really do want to stay about 1500, but it just didn't work out that way. So this weight drop is temporary and I get to face the future irritation of registering a gain in the very near future (tomorrow), even though I probably won't have earned it.

Yep, it was a puppy. AA.com had it right. She is adorable.

They didn't stay last night, as Bette starts her new job today, so I have the day to myself. I'm going to go to the new yoga place - I got a couple of new yoga outfits last night. Then I'll probably go to the Jesus Gym some time today to get in my big calorie burn.

In other yoga news, I've decided on a color scheme for the yoga studio - chocolate and blue - not a robin's egg blue and not a turq, either - something kind of in between. I found some lovely fabrics at Hobby Lobby last night and made my decision.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Eat enough.

-Roxie

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Gym News

Went to the gym. Burned close to 500 calories. I'm off to buy some yoga props and clothes.

The Girls Club

I found a new yoga studio that I am going to try out tomorrow at noon - if Mom and Sis go home in time. I've been seeing this place on meetup, as I'm interested in resuming my bellydancing lessons as well. After visiting their website, I'm thinking this may be the place for me. Plus, they offer a restorative yoga class on Sunday evenings. How cool is that?

None of my business. Really.

Mom and sis are flying in today from their vacation in WA. I'm to pick them up tonight and so I knew they were without internet access, so I thought I would just go ahead and check them in for their afternoon flight, since I have all the info.

I went to the AA site and attempted to check them in and kept getting an error message that travellers with pets cannot use the online checkin. Um, they weren't traveling with pets.

Which brought me back to a time last week when Mom and I drove past a sign that advertised blue heeler puppies. She wanted to stop and I didn't, so we didn't. She did mention that she went back to see them.

She's already has a dog. An aggressive, ill-tempered, puppy-milled, can't be around anyone, or any other dog, literally bites me everytime I go there, dog that they keep in a too-small kennel after I bought them a size appropriate one, dog that doesn't get enough exercise. Just what they need is another dog.

More opportunies for personal growth. None of my business. Not my pig, not my dog. I do hope, however, that American Airlines somehow got this wrong.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Know when to say when.

-Roxie

Down 2.5, 17.5 to go

I fixed the most wonderful roasted vegetables ever last night for dinner and lunches today and I'm writing down how I did it with the hopes of someday duplicating my success. I do know that it will never happen, unfortunately.

1 jumbo zucchini, cut in chunks (my garden)
3 roma tomatoes
1 cup baby carrots
3/4 red onion
1 yellow pepper
3 very small green peppers (my garden)
some jarred roasted red peppers
kosher salt and fresh ground pepper


5 large cloves of garlic
4 tbl olive oil
a couple of tablespoons of homemade pesto

Chop the garlic and place in a bowl. Add EEVO and pesto and let sit while prepping the veg. Chop the veg. The chopped veg filled a large popcorn bowl about 3/4 full. Pour over oil mixture and let sit while oven heats up. Turn on oven to 455, and let preheat for ten minutes when dump mixture into roasting pan that has been lined with parchment. I set the timer for 45 mintes. With 22 minutes left to go, Bick called me outside to help with some trim work on the car pavillion, so I just turned the heat off of the oven and let them sit in the oven for an hour or more.

This was the most heavenly roasted vegetables I've ever had. I was so selfish that I made homemade chicken salad for a sandwich for Bick's lunch so that I could have his serving of vegetables with my lunch. Bick doesn't even like zucchini, but he raved about this and it was a way to use up that obscene jumbo zucchini that seems to pop up every now and then.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Learning the logging lessons, again

I'm making an effort to log my food in order to get a real handle on what I'm eating. First the obvious - I'm eating more than I should and I'm still hungry. The handful of almonds (I didn't count them) that I ate loaded me up with 338 calories and didn't come close to staving off my hunger pangs.

The cream in my morning coffee has got to go. I used to drink coffee only once in a while, but Bick has coffee every morning and I just fell right in, complete with real cream. No more coffee for me.

Other adjustments coming.

Gym Dandy

Did the gym thing. Burned 500 calories. I am hungry. Dammit.

Degree of Difficulty

In my head, I'd stuck very closely to my food plan of sticking with 1500 calories. Thought I was probably under, actually. After all, I ate my Texas Caviar on zuc slices rather than chips and I didn't snack between meals and I didn't even have a real breakfast, save some leftover grilled tuna, just to get some protein down. So, I was expecting a loss this morning and didn't get it.

Eating right needs to come with degree of difficulty points added on. Dieting by yourself when you have complete control of your pantry would be a low DOD score. Dieting when socializing when there are lots of yummy options around should have a high DOD score, which rewards you with EXTRA weight loss when you do well in difficult surroundings. Unfortunately, you don't get rewarded for all the good choices that you make, for all the crap that you overlook, pass up and don't go for. You can make nineteen choices to pass up the crap, but still fail miserably if you can't seem to pass item twenty. Hardly seems fair.

Despite the scale not moving, we did have a wonderful afternoon with the Poolville Pagans. They've done some amazing work on their place - honest to god, it's like a retreat for me to go out there. It's always inspiring - I just wish it wasn't so damn far.

I'm not really discouraged with the scales, more mildly irritated but still plan to get in some good exercise today. A good 500 calorie burn at the gym followed by a walk tonight with Bick and Sadie. Oh, funny thing happened at the Jesus Gym on Saturday morning - a brand new bodypump class was getting ready to start just as I was finishing up my workout and a woman my age came up to me and asked me if I was joining the class, I told her no that I was just finishing my workout, but asked her if she liked the class. She said yes, that she thought it really helped her with her sloping shoulders - but that I had really nice square shoulders and didn't need the workout. I don't know if that was a compliment or a dig, saying that I needed to play fullback for the Green Bay Packers!

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Square up your shoulders.

-Roxie

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Down 1.5 - 18.5 to go

Up two pounds yesterday, which I'm sure was a direct result of some theatre popcorn that I had while watching Hancock. Didn't care for the movie much at all. The good news is that I asked Bick to buy me the small popcorn and I ate nearly half of it and then I sat it down and didn't finish it. Never, ever in my life have I not finished popcorn - even if it's the big tub. So even though the scale didn't reward me, I'm pretty happy with myself. And I didn't have the strawberry daqs that Bick made after we got home - complete with strawberry ice cream!

Sandy came over with a friend for lunch yesterday and it went okay. She's trying out vegetarianism as a lifestlye, so I fixed a couple of salads and we had a nice enough time. She didn't stay long, but at least she came by. Of course the cynic in me knows that her birthday is coming up and Dad is always good for a pretty high dollar present. Not my pig, not my farm.

Today Bick and I are going out to visit the Poolville Pagans at their compound. I'm taking leftovers from yesterdays lunch, plus some Texas caviar that I mixed up last night. I'm also taking them some fresh picked okra from the garden as well as some herbs. I'm looking forward to spending a couple of hours with them - they are some of my favorite people.

Today is a rest day, exercise wise. I took the dog for a walk this morning and did some yoga and that will probably do it for me. I didn't sleep very well last night - kind of sore and achy. I was doing yoga in the living room as Bick passed by and commented that he didn't think I was supposed to be creaking like that and think he's right! More yoga needed. I NEED to get that studio put together.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Take a hostess gift.

-Roxie

Saturday, July 12, 2008

3.5 down and 16.5 to go

It was too hot this morning when I got up or I got up too late to exercise outside, save for taking Sadie for a mile walk. I headed to the Jesus gym with the goal of burning 500 calories. Did that with a bit to spare. Now I just need to watch my food today and I'm good. I've also done really well with water intake, which is unusual for me.


Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Countdown: 358 days

358 days until my 30th high school reunion. I used my 20th to motivate me before - can I use it again? Do I really care that much? I don't know.

Had a good exercise and eating day yesterday. Lunchtime workout, water aerobics and an after dinner walk with Bick and Sadie. The scale has decided to reward me by letting go of a little of the vacation bloat.

Tomorrow will be a challenging day. Bick wants to finish trimming out the car pavillion (he had it shingled while I was away) and then completely paint it. Sandy (!) called and wants to come over for lunch tomorrow, is bringing a friend and wants no meat nor food experimentation, so I'll need to figure out what to fix and when to fix it. I'm thinking a couple of salads - perhaps a pasta salad and a spinach and strawberry salad. The spinach and strawberry salad may be too experimental, but so be it. So I've got that to deal with, plus trying to fit in an early morning run, or at least long walk, if I feel up to it.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Plan for success.

-Roxie

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Gym Dandy to the Rescue

The scales didn't like my vacation very much either. I'd wanted a fish and fruit vacation, but instead seemed to exist on donuts and well, more donuts. I had one decent meal the entire time I was away. And I feel like absolute crap. I'm now 20 pounds over where I want to be, which is not even at my lowest weight. Shit.

So yesterday I hauled myself back to the gym at lunch, and again after work. I followed it all up with an evening walk with Bick and Sadie. And I ate decently. I just can't let myself think about how hard this will be and how long it will take. I just need to do the next right thing.

So, I'm off to the gym. My goal is to burn 500 calories per day.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Go to the gym.

-Roxie

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Lassie Come Home

That was the last text message Bick sent me before I left Washington to come home to Texas. I texted him back telling him that Timmy had jumped in the river, as it was his only escape route.

Well, that trip was just one big opportunity for personal growth. And it came out okay, I guess. Mom handled the situation pretty well, other than getting totally ripped off by the cleaning service to the tune of 1k. But she didn't ask the price and she didn't inspect the work and because this "service" was the daughter of a family friend, she wouldn't even complain. But it was her money, so it's her pig. Other than that, she listened to reason and didn't get up there and immediately start wanting to fix everything. She decided that after a steam cleaning that the carpets were clean and fine and after four days of our labor, the place was good enough and I agree. Among my chores was the thorough cleaning of the carpets and painting the laundry/mudroom/back porch. The previous tennants had destroyed the floor in there, so I floated mom a loan for that one, as her trip to the "cleaners" left her a bit short. I was willing to pay for it myself, but she insisted that it be a loan, so I'm fine with that however it turns out.

On day three, my back went into spasms as I was hauling the steam cleaner up the stairs, so I didn't run, I didn't hike, I didn't even attend any of the 4th celebrations. Weather was bad. It was a crappy trip all around. I didn't feel like seeing anyone and I'm sure I've pissed some people off, but I was just beat. The smartest decision I've ever made in my life was limiting this vacation to six days.

I did have a few minutes of peace, however. I went down to the co-op. This place has been in business for 35 years and makes Whole Foods/Central Market/Sprouts/Wild Oats look like a bastion of republican capitalism. The co-op has it's roots in the hippy. Lovely, wonderful place. Then after a trip to the co-op, I wandered upon a farmer's market. Oh, what bliss! It was the best hour I spent all week.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Get crunchy.

-Roxie

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Vacation Detonation

So much for my vacation plans. Seems the farmhouse requires immediate attention. Last renters left it an absolute disaster according to reports. Don't know how much damage was done or how much cleaning, clearing up and painting will be needed, but I'll see it in about 12 hours and then I'll know more.

And that's not the worst of it - the worst of it will be dealing with Mom about this. She will want to completely redo everything, new flooring, new carpet, new whatever and this place is going to be sold soon and probably demolished and there will be absolutely no return on investment. I've spent as much real money on this place as I'm going to, but it is these situations where I always get in my own way and end up resenting it. I will jump in and handle/bankroll these situations just to keep her from doing it. Stupid. So I just need to accept the fact that she's going to do this and I don't have any control over it and I will just have to feel that very uncomfortable feeling of setting a limit and then enforcing it. The good news is that I've had a few hours to deal with it and develop a plan/limit. Now to stick to it.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Make it stick.

-Roxie