I made a decision at the beginning of the year to try to think about my weight/body image/fitness/size of my ass in a different way. I felt I needed to move away from being in constant battle with my body and move into a more of an observer role. I don't know that the shift has been noticeable here on the blog, but I've tried not to whine (too much) about it. I've just dutifully tracked my weight, food, activity on my fitday page and post my weight here. I've also said that my goal weight is 148 pounds and to let it go at that. I'd vowed not to waste time dwelling in the ups and downs of the scale. I've been dilligent in my exercise, food and tracking and I've been rocking along trying to find the balance and the peace that has eluded me for a lifetime.
And I still don't have it right. I shouldn't hurt this much. I shouldn't have to take constant, daily doses of ibuprofen just to be able to move without groaning. I shouldn't awaken in the middle of the night because I've shifted position and the pain wakes me up. I'm beginning to dread, really dread, my exercise sessions and yesterday I just couldn't make myself go.
It dawned on me this morning that perhaps I'm overtraining. I attend four sessions a week that I consider rigorous, vigorous workouts. Back when I was running a lot more, I did have more off days than I do now. I think somehow I'm trying to make up for "not running". I need to back off of this somehow to see what happens. The scale is telling me that my body is staying pretty much in hard recovery bloat mode and my body is telling me that it hurts too much. My mind is rebelling at the thought of having to ingest pharmaceuticals just to function and that I'm just pushing to be pushing. This is supposed to be fitness not punishment.
I don't have any answers right now, but I'm looking for ways to inject my life with more joy and physically beating myself up just ain't working for me.
Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Stop and evaluate.