Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Raggedy Roxie

The work stress continues. A friend of nearly thirty years told me her devastating health news. All in all, I'm feeling pretty ragged with not much of end in sight. But the good news is that I am treating myself very well during this time. I am spending some extra time doing relaxation/yoga/meditation. Came home from work last night feeling drained and I told Bick I'd see him in a bit and headed off for my yoga mat.

The work issues are a challenge for me. In the past, I have been an impatient person. I've also had a lot of ego tied to anything I put my hand to. This was a lethal combination. Now, each day, I am setting the intention that I am in problem solving mode. How I feel about myself is not tied to the outcome of this project. I don't need to defend to the death each decision that I made. Chances are, I made some mistakes right in there with the good stuff. I need to cut myself and everyone else a break. These are not my character strengths, they are my character flaws and staying in the present and not reacting in my usual way flat takes it out of me.

It just dawned on me while I was writing this that my reaction, my character flaw, is really an attempt to suppress conflict. That's probably a larger portion of this than I had previously thought. As a life-long people-pleaser, I don't want there to be conflict and if I could stop it by the sheer force of my personality, I would. Hmm. An insight worth pondering.

No cardio for a while and it looks like it will be a while for any serious workout happens, but I'm sticking close to my eating plan and feel good about that.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Live an examined life.

-Roxie
155.5

2 comments:

  1. I am also finding out that handling things in a new way is hard work. There is inner struggle and it's like tug-o-war!

    Keep being good to yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Pride is such a tricky thing. I struggle with daily, who doesn't! Love your daily intention.

    Sounds like you are doing your best during this stressful time.

    thanks for your example.

    ReplyDelete

We'll try this for a while.