Thursday, June 25, 2009
Dana asked why each of us wants to lose weight. I wrote a response to her post and my computer ate it, so I’m making my own post. My reason, when I began this decade-long journey, was just like all the others before it – vanity. I was staring down my 20th high school reunion and while I didn’t need to attend looking like the homecoming queen, I didn’t want to look like the homecoming float either. So I began yet another journey to drop a significant amount of weight. Over my lifetime I’d been very successful at losing weight. I just sucked mightily at keeping it off.
This journey was a bit different, however, as I soon learned that it just a bit easier if I didn’t have to fight my body all the time. If I laid off of the simple carbs and processed foods, I didn’t get cravings as bad. I didn’t have to fight as hard. I felt better and I had more energy. Yes, it was still hard, but when I wasn’t at war with my own body chemistry, it was much easier. There were peaks and valleys, but they were much smaller and the overall trend continued downward.
I’m now staring down at my 30th high school reunion which happens this August and my focus has shifted. I made a decision at the beginning of the year that I was tired of being at war with my body. I was tired of bitching and griping about what the scale did or didn’t do. I was tired of keeping my self-esteem and self-worth tied up in a dress size. And I made a decision to quit whining about all of it on this blog. And I think I’ve done that pretty well. Yes, in a perfect world, I’d like to get to my happy weight. But my perfect world might just be now. I’m working to accept the things that I cannot change. Longtime readers will remember the “flabby ass” partying shot from the Arizona lover – well, the truth is, I cannot change my flabby ass. I can make it smaller, but I can’t (without surgery) undo 100 pounds of damage. It’s there. It’s part of the journey and part of the story. I cannot believe how I let that comment derail me.
I still weigh and I post the number, as not weighing doesn’t work for me, but I try to think of it as just a number. Like, oh, look there’s a tomato. It’s just what it is. There’s no value attached to it – or I try not to let it. My focus has changed from getting “skinny” to getting happy. If I can make peace with myself, then the rest will follow in it’s own time. I’m no longer on a diet. I’ve adopted and adapted a lifestyle that includes healthy foods and exercise. I’m fit and would like to stay that way and I will do it without punishment and by treating myself with loving kindness. I’ll do what I can today to practice that intention and let tomorrow take care of itself.
Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Practice loving kindness – start with you.
picture taken in 2006.
Homegrown: tomatoes and herbs in the bean salad. Recipe in this month’s Body and Soul mag.