Tuesday, July 28, 2009
I've got The Crazy Brain. Right now it's working triple time to keep me unfocused, not in the present and generally stirred up. And it all started innocently enough. Did I mention The Crazy Brain has amazing powers of persuasion? It can CONVINCE me of the truth of something in about three synaptic exchanges. Stupid, powerful brain.
So on the way home from the grocery store on Saturday after the "can the New Boy come to dinner", I became convinced that Pebbles was going to be getting married soon. I became really emotional about all of it and started to cry while driving. I got myself together at that time, but this obsessive thought has stuck with me.
In my codependent Crazy Brain, I'm suddenly in the midst of planning a wedding and the subsequent terror - this is a mistake, why is she doing this? How in the HELL am I going to afford this? Blah, blah, blah - stupid, obsessive, untrue thoughts that have disrupted my life now for three days, robbing me of peace of mind and mindfulness and ramping up the anxiety to ridiculous levels. It's telling me that I must take action. Now. Be prepared. Overthink this. The sky is falling. The sky is falling. Good lord. And what have I done to combat this? Nothing.
So today I'm taking my brain back. I will spend some extra time in meditation. I will spend a little extra time on exercise today. I will practice my "LEAVE IT" strategy when I start down this stupid road and shift my focus to something else. I've already planned for a no-cook dinner tonight so that I spend nearly no time in the kitchen until I can get myself back on more sane ground.
The good news is that I recognize things (eventually) at a more core level. I'm feeling anxious and in the past I would have used food to try to calm the anxiety. I'm grateful that I don't have to do that today, that I have other tools at my disposal.
Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Get back on track.