Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Abby Normal


I've got The Crazy Brain. Right now it's working triple time to keep me unfocused, not in the present and generally stirred up. And it all started innocently enough. Did I mention The Crazy Brain has amazing powers of persuasion? It can CONVINCE me of the truth of something in about three synaptic exchanges. Stupid, powerful brain.

So on the way home from the grocery store on Saturday after the "can the New Boy come to dinner", I became convinced that Pebbles was going to be getting married soon. I became really emotional about all of it and started to cry while driving. I got myself together at that time, but this obsessive thought has stuck with me.

In my codependent Crazy Brain, I'm suddenly in the midst of planning a wedding and the subsequent terror - this is a mistake, why is she doing this? How in the HELL am I going to afford this? Blah, blah, blah - stupid, obsessive, untrue thoughts that have disrupted my life now for three days, robbing me of peace of mind and mindfulness and ramping up the anxiety to ridiculous levels. It's telling me that I must take action. Now. Be prepared. Overthink this. The sky is falling. The sky is falling. Good lord. And what have I done to combat this? Nothing.

So today I'm taking my brain back. I will spend some extra time in meditation. I will spend a little extra time on exercise today. I will practice my "LEAVE IT" strategy when I start down this stupid road and shift my focus to something else. I've already planned for a no-cook dinner tonight so that I spend nearly no time in the kitchen until I can get myself back on more sane ground.

The good news is that I recognize things (eventually) at a more core level. I'm feeling anxious and in the past I would have used food to try to calm the anxiety. I'm grateful that I don't have to do that today, that I have other tools at my disposal.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Get back on track.

-Roxie

7 comments:

  1. Wonderful post, Roxie. I love the title and the picture!

    Now please do just "leave it." That's what we say to our puppy--it means she has to "turn away" from whatever she's bothering.

    Your story reminded me of a skit I saw on the Carol Burnett Show years ago. I probably don't have the middle part exactly right--but it's directionally correct--and the beginning and end are right.

    Carol's character sits on a bus stop bench next to a man and starts to imagine their lives together. In a matter of minutes, in her head, she goes from flirting, to dating, to marriage, to having children, to him oogling some other woman. Then she bashes the real life man over the head with her purse! :)

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  2. Why oh why do we do this to ourselves?! I mean seriously. I fall of the same freaking lie time and time again. I am not a stupid person. Yet I will obsess over the most ridiculous things....hence taking my mind off what's important. Crazy stupid POWERFUL brain.

    3 CHEERS to you for recoginzing the root of the problem. 3 CHEERS for not eating over it. 3 CHEERS for this awesome post!!

    You have wonderfully put into words how I have been feeling over the course of like the last month. FEAR SUCKS

    LEAVE IT! LOVE IT!

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  3. Ah, crazy brain - I know it well. Glad you are getting a handle on it, and glad you also recognize the dangers of the kitchen during times like these!

    Hang in there, Roxie.

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  4. First I have to laugh at Sandy's reference to that skit ... I've actually kinda/sorta done that! OMG!
    Roxie, you have have helped me so much through my own "CrazyBrain" moments recently. And I'd already forgotten the "LeaveIT" that you suggested. And here it is again.
    So Thank YOU for sharing your trials again because you're teaching me/us by example.
    Congratulations on using the more appropriate actions to resolve the TheCrazyBrain antics.
    *HUGS*
    and gees, is it going around or what? there's a few of us in the same classroom for summerschool to learn this lesson.
    Thanks for making yourself vulnerable & sharing. Really. You have no idea how much this is helping.

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  5. The mind is a powerful thing, isn't it?

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  6. That "borrowing trouble" nonsense can be a real pain in the ass. It's good that you recognize it happening and can stop it. It's even better that you can stop it in a sensible matter.

    Sad to say I remember watching that Carol Burnett skit. Man, I loved that show.

    (My verify word was 'thiner'. That upposed to be some sort of hint? Hmmmm?)

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  7. Thanks Commenting People - I do appreciate the good thoughts and the humor. I think Carol Burnett is just about the funniest woman to have ever lived. I don't think one gets to be that funny without having lived through some rough stuff.

    On borrowing trouble - boy, seems like I keep picking this one up. Stupid character flaw! I know it's just a leftover self-preservation technique, but sometimes I think I have it on permanent loan!

    Again, I'm feeling better and once I expose The Crazy Brain to the logic and light of day, it all fades pretty quickly. Thanks for the reality check!

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We'll try this for a while.