Thursday, July 2, 2009

Journeys And Travels



I had a very nice, albeit unexpected, day. Pebbles called me bright and early, said she had an appointment in town and wanted to meet for breakfast. On my way to work, my sister called me to tell me she had some important mail for me and I also realized that Mitzi's tags had expired the day before. All of this led me to blowing off yesterday's work schedule, taking an unscheduled day of vacation and taking care of some business.

I had breakfast with Pebbles - she looks amazing and seems to be doing well. I still had some time before business' opened up, so I headed over to my Aunt's house for coffee. Spent some time with her and then headed out to Reata South country to take care of some gas lease business. Took care of that, called Mom and asked her to lunch.

I struggle mightily with this relationship. This is where the worst of my character defects come in - and many times I end up feeling angry, resentful and frustrated. And the more I work through these issues, along with a bit of grief for good measure, I come to know that I can choose not to go down certain paths. So prior to picking her up, I stopped and took some time to make some decisions about what I would do and say IF things were to get dicey. I had some thoughts, made some decisions, said the serentity prayer a time or two and got on with it.

In many ways, I focus on the negatives - what I perceive she lacks, her flaws, etc. and I fail to realize, understand and accept that she, like me, is an imperfect person and is doing the best that she can. Always has. Was it what I needed? Hell, no. But there are a lot of times that I just need to cut her a break and focus on the good stuff. Does she love me the best that she can? Absolutely. And I need to be damned grateful that I still have her. Many people are not so fortunate.

The intersting thing about that particular revelation is that I apply my distorted logic to feelings about fathers - mine being long-dead and all. But yet I discount the very fact that she's still here. More stuff to ponder.

We had a lovely lunch and a nice afternoon. I neither did nor said any that I regret today. I artfully dodged any potential landmines and tried not to feel guilty about not being in Washington for the 4th. It's the first time in years I've not taken her and my sister back for the celebration.

Bick and I have decided upon and booked our winter vacation. Our original plan was to go to Viet Nam. Yea, I know. Where the hell did that come from? Well, it came up while we were in Ireland and watching some travel show about Viet Nam. We came home and checked out flights, sights, etc and decided to go. We did not, however, book our tickets. They have increased 1k per person since that time - that coupled with my dental expenses just put it out of the running for this year. So we kept looking.

Bick wanted to go some place warm and beachy which leads to the obvious choice of Mexico. I, however, don't want to do the all-inclusive thing, or go to a resort or stay in a hotel for a week. Doesn't appeal to me. Bick was uncomfortable, given the recent unrest, with going on our own to, say, Todos Santos. So we were stuck.

Long story short - no wait, that's no longer possible given my ramblings. Bick and I have rented an apartment and are going to PR for the holidays. We are about three blocks from a great beach (reportedly) and I get to shop at markets and do a bit of cooking and feeling "local". There appears to be enough to do and see to keep my entertained and engaged and enough down time on the beach to keep Bick happy. Plus, it was pretty darn reasonable. We will be flying direct out of Houston - visiting his family prior to Christmas and dropping off the dog - and it's just a 4.5 hour flight. And it's affordable. It may turn out to be a bust, but it may turn out great.

Dinner last night was fabulous - I made a faux-tabouleh - which I consider a technique more than an actual recipe. Instead of bulghur, I used grated squash and added tomatoes, herbs, peppers, etc. It was incredible and fresh. I've got leftovers today.

Exercise today will be restorative yoga at lunch and I cannot wait.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Enjoy the journey.

-Roxie
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pic from 2006 trip home - Ladder Falls

4 comments:

  1. It was all in the attitude. You made the decision to be positive with your mother, and it was positive. I wish it worked like every time. Way to prepare. We are just acting so grown up this week...lol. Handling our emotions in a positive way. Again, I wish it happened all the time!

    I know my kids give me the benefit of the doubt, that I did the best "I" could at the time. Thank goodness!

    How nice you have a holiday to look forward to...I hear it is very nice in PR. You'll have a ball.

    great post...it is a journey for sure.

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  2. Great decision on just having a nice meal! Glad it worked out okay.

    Love the idea of renting a place that has a kitchen - so much more homey and you can save money by cooking some of your own meals!

    Hope you have a wonderful 4th!!

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  3. I've had the same kind of awareness about my mom lately. Now that we live together, there are days when her "imperfections" grate on my nerves. But I also have my share of flaws that I know she puts up with. At the end of the day, I'm glad she's here.

    The get-away sounds awesome. I keep trying to get my family to go somewhere for the holidays and no one ever agrees. Maybe someday...

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  4. wow, you touched on some deep points here. I totally agree with what you said. Our perception is really important, and when we focus on the positive, the outcome will be positive, and the relationship will be much more enjoyable. How wise you are!

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We'll try this for a while.