Friday, August 14, 2009

Fear of Food

I consider myself to be in recovery from (self-diagnosed) eating disorder(s). My issues with food were never about that extra donut or a bit too much of something at dinner. My issues were much bigger than that - I used food to deal with stuff. So over the years, I've developed some fairly practical ways with dealing with the physical aspects while dealing with the underlying causes of my problems.

Like many lifelong dieters, I can calculate in my head the calories, carbs, fat grams of just about any food that you put in front of me. I began to think of foods as good and bad. Can't have that, it's "bad". I'm now trying to move towards a more balanced approach. I do still believe that some "food" is bad for you. I believe in eating a real, whole and identifiable food as a part of a healthful lifestyle. I don't care much for "Frankenfood" - overprocessed, fake this, fake that, etc. Not good. (Let's not mention my Diet Coke addiction now, shall we? Not while I'm on this soapbox).

I'm trying to find a way to be successful at this whole maintenance thing. And like every other aspect of this journey, one-size-does-not-fit-all. I try to avoid baked goods, as these are one of my weakest areas. I know no portion control. A single serving won't hurt me, but it's easier for me to say no to the first than it is the second. So I don't buy anything like this to bring into my house.

This past week brought up vacation eating. Overall I was pretty happy with how things went on vacation. Granted, I did indulge, but it was a controlled burn - I enjoyed a few things here and there, but not in crazy amounts. I am glad to be back and glad to be back cooking my own food and back to my regularly scheduled programming. As Bick said during vacation when I was whining about eating something, "You are not being bad, you are just having a treat. You can go home, get back to your routine and you will be fine - now stop feeling guilty and enjoy yourself. And don't weigh yourself for a week."

So is this successful maintenance? Will this strategy work for me? Is it too lenient? Time will tell. My hope is that I can move past some of my irrational "fear of food" and as in all things, find a balanced approach.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Find a strategy that works for you.



  1. I am a recovering food addict. I don't think recovery ends. Sometimes it's minute by minute.

  2. Very insightful post. Thanks for sharing.

    I, too, have always used food to hide feelings or to entertain myself.

  3. Thanks for stopping by, Roxie.

    I so agree. Whatever works for you.

    I don't lament days when I go a little off as I know the days in which I don't out number them. So, I don't need to worry.

    Maintenance is nice. :)

  4. oh man, I saw you list of things to do, if you go to the greek Isles post some pictures, that is so my dream trip. That and Spain, those two places and I die happy. Thanks for the kind comment. It is about what works for each person. Like your blog. It's my First time stopping by. I'll be back.

  5. I feel like I could have written this post - everyting you describe about your attitudes towards food, I agree with. I'm also struggling to work out a maintence method that works for me - and I like what you (and Bick!) have to say about it! Thanks for giving me something to think about!


We'll try this for a while.