It's been a roller coaster of emotions around here lately and I'm looking for the barf bag. The good stuff - Pebbles and Slater, obviously. I do think they are rushing things - but I certainly cannot foretell the future.
I hesitate to write about the ugly as I've been trying to shift my focus from such things over the past few months. I don't want to wallow or whine. What I want is a different relationship and I am never going to get it. I just need to deal or not deal with the hand I've been dealt.
The ugly - the ugly has been perking for several weeks and I've been trying to ignore it, process it, let it be. But it keeps coming back. It turns out my recent new car purchase has really stirred up my mother. For a week prior to the car deal, I would get calls telling me that I was making a mistake.
"Everyone needs a truck. I need a farm truck. I guess I'll trade in Bling (Lexus SUV) and get a truck."
"What is going to happen if Bick leaves you? Where will you be then? How will you manage without a truck?"
"Your cousin Mark says you are crazy to get rid of that truck. Says he wouldn't do it."
Post purchase calls.
"How much did you have to pay?" ) "So, what did you put down?" "How much are your payments?" "Jeff only paid $xixixx for his Malibu, how much more did you have to pay?" "You haven't really told me how much you paid?"
"I've heard the swine flu is going around your workplace. Be careful. It'd be a shame for something to happen to you since you just bought a new car."
Then last weeks calls.
"Since you have the money to buy a new car, you can afford to fix some things around Reata South. I know the board fences don't matter to you, but they are looking pretty ratty."
"I think it's a shame that you live in finery with Bick and work your tail off up there and just leave this place to fall down."
"I want to buy your house. There's so much that needs doing and you are obviously not going to do it."
Then the topper -
"I need to borrow some money. Where are you? Why aren't you answering your phone? I need the money by noon today."
Now the rational and sane among you are like WTF, Roxie? Those of us who were raised to put someone else's (guess who!) needs in front of their own and to be responsible for THEIR happiness, dealing with this crap just ties me up in knots. Yes, I'm working through it and I am trying my best to behave as an appropriate adult with sensible boundaries, but today I understand why people snap.
I keep "shoulding" myself on this one. I should do this, I should do that. I should be able to take the highest road.
Last night I ate myself into a popcorn-induced coma and today I nearly snapped somebody's head off at the swine-flu emporium. I'm going to the gym.
Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Know when to call in the pros.
puffed up like a dead possum.