Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween!

I would be lying if I said I was looking forward to yesterday. Mom had canceled her birthday lunch plans due to a scheduling conflict with my sister. I woke up yesterday morning and decided I still needed to pursue having lunch, even if my sister or Pebbles couldn't attend. I sent an email around 5 am and followed up with a phone call around 10 am that went to voice mail. So I just went ahead with my day. I got a call around 2:30 asking me if I'd already had lunch. I lied and said no. My sister was somehow now available and so I met her and my Mom for lunch. We had a lovely time. It always amazes me how she can just rip me up one side and down the other and the next day act like it never happened. As Bick noted later, he seen this pattern with her and me. (Is that right?) She will completely go off on me and I will be tore up for days and it never phases her, at least outwardly. I guess it's like many other behaviors, including her compulsive spending and hoarding - it doesn't bother her, but it tears me up. Obviously more boundary-work and skin-thickening that needs to happen on my part. Still, it was a good day. I do want a good and pleasant relationship and I just need to detach from the unhealthy parts of it. She seems to over the whole estate thing. She asked me if I'd received my part and I said I had not. She said she hadn't either. I asked for copies of some of the supporting documents that she has that I will need for my records/taxes and she seemed happy to comply. One day at a time.

What I loved about yesterday: There was lots of victories yesterday. First and foremost, what's described above. Plus, the fact that I ate two lunches or rather my lunch and then my dinner at 3pm. So that left a long time to go until bedtime - especially when Bick had volunteered to provide lunches for some community volunteers today. So that meant going home and baking cookies, fixing dinner for him and bringing croissants into the house. Thoughtful man that he is, he offered to bake off the cookies and I managed to steer clear!

Had a good session at the gym today. Am thinking about how it would feel to start running again. I'm just mulling it over. Not my old distances, as they just beat my body up to badly, but a 5k a couple of times a week might be doable. I'm actually signed up for a 5k within the next couple of weeks, but I never intended to really run it. We'll see.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Do the next right thing.


picture 1970 Halloween party. I'm the culturally insensitive native American in a costume my Mom made from a feed sack. She's the cat lady.


  1. It is one day at a time. At least recognizing a behavior can help change it in the future, at least on your end. Have a safe Halloween!

  2. I'm sorry, the relationship sounds very difficult.I hear from those in the biz that the personality disordered types drive everyone else crazy, while the Axis 1 people are in distress themselves. Hope you are able to stay centered in dealing with her.

  3. Glad you had a nice, normal lunch with your mom...sounds like those times are few and far between, and that makes me sad for you.

    You made a cute indian, though!

  4. Sounds like you had a pretty good day. I'm going to guess that you know pretty well what/where the boundaries are. The part that needs work (this is true for so many of us) is in defending the damn things.

  5. Sounds like you had a really good day! I often find that days I haven't looked forward to are much better than expected - I guess its easy to exceed lower expectations!
    It does also sound like you're definitely making progress towards achieving a better relationship with your mother. I think the key to that sort of thing is always to work on changing your responses because they are (somewhat) under your control and her behaviour is not - and you're doing well! Something I need to work on too, with some of my relationships - I have some unproductive 'knee jerk' reactions to established behaviours too, and its only me they make miserable!


We'll try this for a while.