Monday, November 23, 2009

In The Weeds

It is during times like this where I learn/know if I am managing things effectively. It's learning to manage when things are not going your way and learning to navigate your way back from being out in the weeds that is important. And that's where I sort of am. I am in the weeds here. I have let myself think about everything that I need to get accomplished over the next month and I've worked myself into a non-productive frenzy.

For the most part, I've been my own worst enemy here. I've said "Yes" when I should have said "No". Case in point, the cake for charity. I said "Yes", when I should have said, "Let me just make a donation to your fine organization". Instead, I added stressors to my already-stressed self.

Second case in point, in the middle of decorating said cake, I get a call from Bick (who was working) that Sandy got her car towed to police impound (illegal parking) in Dallas the night before. He didn't ask and she didn't ask, but I just jumped in and offered to fix this. Five and a half hours later, I am back at home and I still have a cake to decorate.

And I don't see a lot of relief in sight. While I am really looking forward to attending the A&M/UT at Kyle field on Thursday(it's a Bucket List thing for me), I'm not looking forward to going on to Houston on Friday where I expect me to cook for Bick's family - which means shopping at stores I don't frequent and cooking in a kitchen that is not mine. All day long. I need to get this negotiated with Bick. I do this because I love him and because he loves his momma and wants to share a sit down/at home meal with his family. Being "on" for two days just feels exhausting to me right now.

I'm also doing some grown-up stuff too - I am "getting my affairs" in order. I've met with an attorney to draw up wills, POA, living will, medical directives, etc. I'm pulling together all my life's paperwork to put together all sorts of plans for the future. No, nothing bad has happened, but it's just time to get all the financial, retirement, and other issues planned for. And that is adding to the stress, as well.

Eating obviously hasn't been good. Exercise has been pretty non-existent. I left the Jesus Gym on Saturday morning after only a few minutes because this woman was espousing her very intolerant views very loudly for all to hear and because my iPod had run out of juice. And I have got to find a way to deal with life without falling apart. These things aren't bad - they are good and I am not staying in the moment enough to enjoy it. I must narrow my focus, take care of what I can take care of today and let tomorrow take care of itself. I am being my own worst enemy here and allowing my "awfulizing" to get me whipped up into an axiety-laden frenzy.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Learn to say "NO".

-Roxie
158.5

9 comments:

  1. I can really identify with your post; and feel like at times I could sign my name to it!

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  2. Saying No to others as a way to say Yes to yourself.
    Roxie, your insightful posts are always so ... insightful.
    I love when you share the nitty grittiness ... I don't feel so unusual with my own stuff.

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  3. No is a wonderful word but oh so hard to say sometimes!

    Sorry to hear you've been so stressed. Hopefully you can get Bick to at least do the grocery shop for you in Houston - shoot, I don't even like shopping at any HEB other than my "own" one - I hate not knowing where everything is!

    You know, I live about 2 miles from Kyle Field - I'll be thinking of you on Thursday, where we will be watching the game from the comfort of our family room. Hope you enjoy it - all the hoopla and Aggie Band - should be great fun!

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  4. I love saying no, when I do say it. It's still really hard to say no. I want all to love me and wouldn't want people to think I was a bitch ( which, truth be told, I kind of am ).

    I always voluteer for let me fix your life duty. Really mine are called the "my life wil fall apart if you don't solve my problem now" catagory. Since I want to believe that I have all the power needed to fix all mine and everyone elses problem as well. My brilliance knows no bounds...BLAH BLAH BLAH.

    In reality I am effing miserable and have no real sloutions. Even if I did, nobody would take my advice anyway.........ASSHOLES.

    I know...bitter much, Dana?

    You'll figure it out! You always do.

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  5. For years, the word "no" has not been in my vocabulary. And now, when I do say no, my mother acts like it's doomsday and I react like a 5 year old. The other day I said no to a family gathering and it wasn't pretty, but I stood my ground and it all worked out.

    I hear Whole Foods has a great dinner package!

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  6. No can be tough. Sometimes I'm still learning. Like weight loss and healthier habits, it's a process and takes practice. I think everything is.

    Enjoy your week despite the hectic nature of it.

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  7. Maybe we need a Magic 8 Ball with 8 ways of saying No nicely (or not so nicely-- that would spice things up). Who among us hasn't complicated our lives unnecessarily because we want to help? On the other hand, how often have we felt grateful and cared for because somebody took the time to help us? The challenge as I see it is separating the important stuff from the stuff that can be done easily and well by somebody ELSE.

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  8. Crap...my post was seriously negative. My must have been in a bad mood. Sorry....I only ment half of what I said...you get to choose which half.....lol!

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  9. Roxie i can relate so much to your post....Working myself into a 'non productive frenzy', being'my own worst enemy', saying 'yes when i should have said no', the difficulty of having 'to be 'on'.

    Don't you wish you had the time to really enjoy making that cake? I often find myself wishing that. Theres never enough hours in a day or enough of me to go around.

    I've really been working hard lately to learn to 'be in the moment' . I think thats a very difficult , important skill to learn. And the key to happiness and fullfillment. First stop worrying about tomorrow then stop worrying about 5 hours from now just worry about writing this comment to your post which i enjoyed reading and identifying with. Dont' think about the sinkfull of dishes, or the clothes waiting to be washed or the pies that need baking or the flowers i want to plant in my whiskey barrels or the decorative cabbages i want to plant. Just think about now, this post and when thats done move on to the next thing.

    Sometimes i get so caught up in what all needs to be done its so overwhelming that i end up doing nothing..........Uuuugh! Have a great holiday girl. Thanks for all your posts on my blog. Love hearing from you. Jinx!

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We'll try this for a while.