Thursday, December 3, 2009

City Mouse



First let me say thanks for the generous support in comments, emails and calls. I appreciate it. Y'all are good folks.

When it became apparent that this move was going to happen, my first inclination was to find the cheapest place I could and just hunker down. Curl up and get small. But as I thought about it, I decided that I had some options. I know that I am going to be sad. Hell, I am sad right this second. I will continue to be sad and lonely and a myriad of other feelings that haven't hit yet. I know that I have a tendency to isolate emotionally and I didn't need to add physical isolation to the list. So I plopped myself right in the middle of the action. I wanted a space to "feed" me as much as possible. I looked at the incremental cost of space versus interest and I decided on an apartment/loft in a new urban and pedestrian development. I may hate it, but the activity level should be higher and I could use a pinch of distraction as I work my way through this. It will certainly be a change to everything I've ever known. I hope that it makes the transition easier. Living in a hellhole wouldn't do a thing to improve my situation. I'm giving myself every opportunity to get through this. So for this next year, I'm a city girl. And I already have my first houseguest booked for February - thanks, Meg.

I pick up the keys to the new place tomorrow and the actual move will happen on Saturday. I was staying in a local hotel, but spent last night and will spend tonight at Pebbles' and Slater's new place.

I go to Bick's on Friday afternoon to begin packing and then on Saturday, I will do the actual move. I am dreading that on every level. We can't seem to see each other or even talk on the phone without both ending up in tears. I've asked for some privacy when moving and he's agreed.

Just for today, right now, this second, I am doing okay. I will be okay. I will be sad. I will be lonely, but in the long term, I will be okay.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Make yourself comfortable.

-Roxie

12 comments:

  1. I am so sorry, Roxie - I've only just read your last few posts after my break, and I would have written sooner if I could. Its so terrible that you've had to make a decision like this to protect yourself, but it is the best thing for you right now - and hopefully the best thing for Bick as well, in the long term at least. You are strong enough to get through this, and you know you don't have to do it alone - as best we can, we'll all be here for you. I hope this transition is as easy as it can be, and you can look after yourself as you deserve

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  2. My heart still aches for you. I just went thru similar in July and though time has made things improve, it's the holidays when we sort of assume/expect to be with the people we love. This is very difficult. I admire your courage to do the things you need to take care of yourself. Really showing the strength!

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  3. Time really does heal the wounds. In the meantime just take excellent care of yourself, you deserve it.

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  4. I'm so glad you chose a vibrant area to live - something totally different for you, and hopefully something that will be interesting enough to get out once in a while.

    I totally understand the hibernation effect. There is a saying that certain people try to cure loneliness with isolation, and, having been guilty of that myself, I give you kudos for trying to offset that from the start.

    Hope the move goes well. Hugs to you, Roxie.

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  5. I think that's a great idea! I hope you like it.

    I hope that you heal fast. I hope that Bick can get it together. With or without you.

    [[[hugs}}}

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  6. Oh Roxie...I'am so sorry! I've only just read your last couple of posts. I'm so sorry this has happened. To be seperated from your soul mate is inconceivable.

    You are so strong you know that?? You may not feel that way right now but you are. You will get thru this. Keep putting one step in front of the other. Literally and figuratively.(((Hugs))) Jinx!

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  7. You are stronger than you know, and you will be okay. It just might not feel like it at first.

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  8. I have to say roxie,
    I know where you are coming from.
    My husband is three years sober.
    He had an ultimatum from every possible corner and chose sobriety, not everyone in life gets that lucky. It is hard to watch someone destroy themselves. Good on you for realizing you need to hop out there into the middle of life and keep swimming. It won't be easy, but If he won't help himself you did what you had to do. You did what was right for you. hugs,
    Chris

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  9. God does help us through things; I'll keep on praying for you.

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  10. That's a bold move changing residence styles, but I applaud you for thinking it through and being courageous enough to make the tough decision.

    Being sad? Hell, you have a whole grieving process to run through, sad is only the beginning. Don't wallow in it though, or I'll have to come down there and kick your butt.

    This is a great opportunity to find new jogging routes or even new gyms to try out.

    I share your sadness a little, but I'm also excited about the new possibilities - once you get through this weekend. I'll be thinking about you.

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  11. You are such a survivor and instinctively know the right thing to do for yourself even when it's difficult. You may think at times that you're not and that you don't but it's evident, Roxie, that you ARE and you DO.

    I'm not a very good comfort-er as I'm an isolation expert myself but please know, I want nothing less than the best outcome for you, Roxie! <3

    my word ver. is "homio"
    Hold your heart with care, Homio! :D

    and prayers for Bick, too. A prayer for him is a prayer for you.

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  12. Thinking of you. I'm a city mouse too and the liveliness of the city can go a way -- not all the way, but part of the distance -- in moving me along in tough times. The area looks great. Will be rooting for you as the days go by.

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We'll try this for a while.