Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Cleaning My Side of The Street

I've been spending time in the evenings, working my own program of recovery from codependence via reading the literature. Unfortunately, I find myself falling asleep while reading. Last night I fell asleep about 8:30. I don't know how much real work is getting done if I can't stay awake!

I'm working to re-establish the exercise habit, although I chose sleep this morning. I'm so sleep-challenged, that I will always chose sleep when I can get it. Eating has been clean and I'm feeling pretty good. Right now I'm focusing on wedding activities and I haven't had to really acknowledge my change in circumstances, since I've not said anything to anyone IRL. That all changes after Puerto Rico.

And for the inquiring minds that want to know ;-), PR is still up for discussion. We've already bought and paid for the trip. And it's not as though we hate each other or got into some screaming row and called each other vile names or took after each other with SUVs and golf clubs. So we could still go and have a reasonable time, in theory. My number one priority right now is my daughter's wedding and Bick is free to make whatever decisions he wishes. In the overall scheme of things, whether he goes to PR or not won't have much bearing on the outcome. It's not my job to "teach him a lesson", it's my job to keep my side of the street clean and do what's best for me in the long run.

The thing I loved about yesterday is more Closet joy. The Closet has a garbage disposal. Trash? Garbage? I'm sensing a theme. Seriously, I've never lived anywhere with a garbage disposal. Not that I have anything to put down the disposal, but I could if I wanted to!

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Peel back the layers.



  1. I try (emphasis on the 'try') to get in one or two of the daily readers at lunch time so I have a little bit of the day with which to try and integrate a thought from the reading into the conscious part of my day. I try to leave a little evening time for entertainment reading (lately, "Failure is not an Option", Gene Kranz), but I also suffer the fluttering eyelid syndrome after about 9pm. This aging crap is for the birds!

    As always, I find you handling things with such admirable grace & strength. You go girl!

  2. Roxie, I have to say that I am impressed by your strength in what you are going through especially with the added stress of the wedding, holidays and PR.
    You are an inspiration to me. At 48 I've been thinking a lot about living my life on my own and how I would deal with it. Reading how you are doing is helping me see that life will go on and with strength.

  3. You are doing really well, and love that you are focusing on immediate needs like sleep. Everything else will come in time.

    Oh, and wow on your weight today!

  4. I'd go and have a fantastic time.
    you only live once.
    Great job on the weight and sleep is the essence of relaxation. You need a good amount to function properly.
    great job on keeping your side of the street (mentally) clean, a trash compactor and garbage concierge service for emotional garbage would be awesome, wouldn't it? lol.

  5. It's so important to take care of yourself, especially in times of stress. You are an inspiration in how you are handling all of this.

  6. Wow..I loved that "keep my side of the street clean" idea.
    And with pride!
    Loved it.

  7. Being an AA person, I love your use of the phrase "keeping my side of the street clean". If you continue to really keep your focus on yourself, and of course your daughter's joyous occasion, things will unfold as they're supposed to. And if how they unfold isn't how you'd have written the script, you'll still be okay. Hang in there! Good luck working on getting exercise back in the mix. I can't wait to do that!


We'll try this for a while.