Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Tick Tock: First a minute, then a year

Today will be a long, long workday for me. Then tomorrow has me doing a demo of a new feature for a VP, plus other meetings and sundry stuff. Friday looks pretty clear so far, so I'm going to try to get in a pedicure so my toes will be sand-worthy.

I still don't have a travel folder put together for PR, but I'll just try to pencil in one activity/site per day and let it go at that. And speaking of PR, Bick is going with us and I'm glad of that. He has asked for some time to get his stuff together. He's talking about going into treatment after the first of the year - new insurance issues, etc. I'll believe it when I see it. Not that I necessarily doubt him, but the bargaining part is pretty normal, although he has never been one to take the easy way out. He has fiercely defended his alcoholism when it would be easier not to, so perhaps this will be a turning point for him. Right now, however, he is in pain, so is liable to say anything. What he decides to do will be whatever he decides to do. I am working on me and my stuff. If at the end of this year it turns out we can regroup, then great, and in the mean time, I'm building a life for myself here at The Closet.

One of the concerns I'd had before moving in with Bick was whether I was capable of living with someone full-time. My alone time dropped down to next-to-nothing. I've always had copious amount of me time, even when married. I do believe it took a bigger toll on me than I'd expected - that plus the two hour commute time each day. That's not to say that I didn't get lonely before Bick, because I did, but like many things, there has got to be a balance in there somewhere.

Went to the gym last night, milled and watched tv for a while. There were about 5 people there at that hour about 8pm. I came home and got ready for bed and then got up at 3am and worked around the apartment rearranging a few things for an hour. Sigh. Got up and made myself a wonderful zuc, red pepper egg white omelet. I'm finally getting on board with the egg-white stuff. Bought a carton of it. So far, so great.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Live and let live.

-Roxie

10 comments:

  1. Roxie you always inspire me so much to look on the bright side of things. I always come away from your blog feeling better. Feeling that i have more control over my life or should i say control over how i react to things in my life. Thank you so much. I''m a worry wort by nature but thanks to you i'm trying very hard to just live in the moment. And accept me as i am faults and all. :)

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  2. I am glad that Bick is going. It will be nice to have a compainion for the trip, other then the newlyweds.

    You are "spot on" in all your observation on his present condition. You really did prepare yourself for this big move! Your head is in the right place.

    For 2 years I did the 2 hour commute thing. That's how I got into books on CD. I am much happier now that I could go home for lunch if I want to.

    I am looking forward to my own pedi tomorrow. I'll be thinking about ya!

    again {[hugs}}

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  3. Roxie I agree with jinxxxygirl. Your posts really hit home for me on many levels. You do have a strong will and I am impressed at your ability to remain positive and grounded.

    Happy pedi hon!

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  4. I'm so rooting for both you and Bick... not in the traditional sense of I hope it all works out and you get back together, blah blah, blah... more in the sense that I'm so rooting for you individually; getting to the place of peace. I adore both of you and just want the best!!

    HAVE SUCH A GREAT TIME in PR!!

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  5. Hi Roxie,
    I'm rooting for you too, I really hope you guys work things out the best way possible for both of you. But first and foremost, that you manage to put your own needs first for a while, it sounds like that's not been possible due to Bick's problems, and you need and deserve that. I know you're strong enough to get through this one way or another. And its great that you are getting on with living in the meantime, you can't waste your life waiting for things to work out, and you're not!

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  6. Love the way you are looking at this - PR, rehab, living alone...for someone who's life kind of fell apart you sure are together, if that makes sense.

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  7. Pretty amazing life stuff.
    Having him go to PR sounds like fun, still.
    It's hard giving up the companionship. Lonely is not fun but alone can be a blessing. Like you said, balance.

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  8. Sounds like you're going about everything in a healthy way.

    I need lots of alone time, too, so I can relate. Take care of yourself and life seems to fall into place. That's something I learned during this 'healthier' thing.

    My word verification is bemary. LOL

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  9. I like my time alone as well...it doesn't happen much with kids and a hubby...but I figure sometime I will have all the alone time I can handle.
    Glad you are settling in.

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We'll try this for a while.