Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween!

I would be lying if I said I was looking forward to yesterday. Mom had canceled her birthday lunch plans due to a scheduling conflict with my sister. I woke up yesterday morning and decided I still needed to pursue having lunch, even if my sister or Pebbles couldn't attend. I sent an email around 5 am and followed up with a phone call around 10 am that went to voice mail. So I just went ahead with my day. I got a call around 2:30 asking me if I'd already had lunch. I lied and said no. My sister was somehow now available and so I met her and my Mom for lunch. We had a lovely time. It always amazes me how she can just rip me up one side and down the other and the next day act like it never happened. As Bick noted later, he seen this pattern with her and me. (Is that right?) She will completely go off on me and I will be tore up for days and it never phases her, at least outwardly. I guess it's like many other behaviors, including her compulsive spending and hoarding - it doesn't bother her, but it tears me up. Obviously more boundary-work and skin-thickening that needs to happen on my part. Still, it was a good day. I do want a good and pleasant relationship and I just need to detach from the unhealthy parts of it. She seems to over the whole estate thing. She asked me if I'd received my part and I said I had not. She said she hadn't either. I asked for copies of some of the supporting documents that she has that I will need for my records/taxes and she seemed happy to comply. One day at a time.

What I loved about yesterday: There was lots of victories yesterday. First and foremost, what's described above. Plus, the fact that I ate two lunches or rather my lunch and then my dinner at 3pm. So that left a long time to go until bedtime - especially when Bick had volunteered to provide lunches for some community volunteers today. So that meant going home and baking cookies, fixing dinner for him and bringing croissants into the house. Thoughtful man that he is, he offered to bake off the cookies and I managed to steer clear!

Had a good session at the gym today. Am thinking about how it would feel to start running again. I'm just mulling it over. Not my old distances, as they just beat my body up to badly, but a 5k a couple of times a week might be doable. I'm actually signed up for a 5k within the next couple of weeks, but I never intended to really run it. We'll see.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Do the next right thing.


picture 1970 Halloween party. I'm the culturally insensitive native American in a costume my Mom made from a feed sack. She's the cat lady.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Hot 100 Update: Grade B+

1. Exercise 5 days a week. Grade B. I'm doing okay here, missed one, got in an extra. I could stand to up the intensity.

2. Keep wedding spending in check. Grade A. I'm talking myself off a ledge I'd talked myself onto last week. Too many grand ideas that take up too much time and money that could be better spent elsewhere. Pebbles and Slater would enjoy the couple of extra bucks to spend on their honeymoon, so I'm throttling back here.

3. 155/145/150.5. Grade A. Been eating really clean and finally getting some reward for it.

What I loved about yesterday: I wore my skinny-styled black jeans to work yesterday (the high school reunion jeans that went unworn). I felt really good in them. I also loved that I was very mindful of my eating yesterday. I ate very slowly and savored every bite. We were enjoying a calorically-dense meal and I wanted to sustain my losing ways, so I knew I would need to watch my portion size carefully. By doing so, I was able to enjoy and be satisfied with a smaller portion rather than my usual - wolfing it down like a starving, well, wolf.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Don't be hungry like the wolf.


Thursday, October 29, 2009

On the Mat

Today's class is restorative yoga. It's like naptime for adults. My favorite hour of the week. Not much else happening - I feel like I'm getting back into my groove, a bit. Mom's birthday luncheon plans have been postponed. Looks like my sister can't make it. So we'll reschedule sometime in the future.

I'm having to sit on my hands not to book a trip somewhere with the airfare wars going on here in Dallas. I've got MAJOR work projects that will keep me tethered pretty close to home for the next nine months, so other than PR, no go for me - other than perhaps a long weekend spent here in the state. The assignment is a plum for me, but it comes with heavy responsibility and exposure. So I will need to keep on top of it and not let it overwhelm me. The last time I did something like this was about three years ago and it completely derailed my running. I went from completing a ten miler to practically not exercising at all in the span of about three months. And my profile this time through is much higher.

What I Loved About Yesterday: What I loved about yesterday is the same thing that I love about today. Yoga. Sandy and I attended a beginning yoga class last night and it was wonderful. It's been my experience that there are two types of yoga studios - new-agey and old hippy. Last night's was old hippy. Studio in a college town with a class of old and young. I wasn't the oldest and there were other college-aged women in the class as well. It was Sandy's first yoga class. Her only other exposure was to a DVD that she just bought last week. She said she loved the class and wants to come back next week. So looks like I've got a plan for Wednesday nights, barring interference from her new job.

This Wednesday night thing might just be the kick start to succeeding in my Hot 100 goals. Extra exercise, plus there's no time for dinner! I don't like to practice on a full stomach, so I ate my usual boiled egg right before leaving the office. I had a bit of really good manchego cheese at the house when I was rushing through to change clothes. I threw an apple into my bag for after class and it was 9:30 by the time I got home. I didn't want to eat that late, so I just bathed and went to bed. The scale was happy with me this morning.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Shake up your routine.


Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Approaching Normal

I feel like I am returning to normal. I am hosting a birthday luncheon for my Mom on Friday. It's just me, Pebbles, my sister and my Mom. It is my sincere wish to have a relationship that doesn't include financial enmeshment. We'll see how it goes. I'm donning Teflon and will hope for the best.

What I loved about yesterday was a lovely dinner with Sandy. She surprised us by wanting to come over and we had a nice meal. She has a doctor's appointment today to discuss her possible depression. And this evening, she and I are taking a yoga class together. Bonus workout! I remain optimistic.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Act as if.


pic is of a bouquet that Pebbles likes. I'm seeing a bit of a disconnect here. She says she wants us just to find a market (not a florist) and buy whatever is available and that I shall tie her a very casual bouquet. What she keeps sending me are bouquets made from exotic flowers. Now I've never been to PR, and maybe these flowers are available on every corner, but I think I need to work on managing her expectations. Or else have her order her flowers from a florist there.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Stuck in Traffic

I spent 4 hours of my day yesterday in traffic. Two hours in and two hours out. That, plus a communication error with Bick lead to dinner at 8:30. Too late and too hungry. Due to my late arrival at work, I worked through lunch on a necessary project. So much for my routine. It was out the door yesterday. Today will be better.

What I loved about yesterday!

What I loved about yesterday is two-fold. Looks like Sandy may have a job. I certainly hope so. It would do her a world of good. And the simple thing I loved about yesterday was pomegranates. I ate my first one ever. I really liked it (until it proved too acidic for my empty-tummy). But I won't hold it against the pom.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Don't get too hungry.


Monday, October 26, 2009

Veggie Tales

This weekend turned out to be very nice. My grocery shopping trip was pleasant and I brought home lots and lots of veggies. Bick suggested a trip to the Dallas Market on Sunday which scored even more veggies. The fridge is stuffed with too much stuff.

What I Loved About Yesterday: What I loved about yesterday was just as we were walking out the door, Sandy called to talk to Bick and he invited her to join us. She agreed and we spent a lovely, beautiful afternoon at the market. The surrounding vendors were selling pumpkins and gourds of all ilk and there were lots of parents and kids milling around picking out the perfect pumpkin! We introduced Sandy to this place AS SEEN ON FoodNetwork, et al for a true taco treat. Yumminess! And fun, in that truly Texas-tacky way.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Get your pumpkin a pumpkin.


Sunday, October 25, 2009

The Thing I Loved About Yesterday

It's time to make sure the good stuff gets some focus. So I'm going to try to remember to add a new feature to this blog. The Thing I Loved About Yesterday.

The thing I loved about yesterday was the weather. It was picture perfect. After returning home from the gym and then my grocery errands, using the house as a windbreak, I planted myself in the backyard. I took out some of my magazines and sat outside with SadieLu and read for an hour or so. Then I hooked up the old girl and we went for a walk. An extra special benefit was that the airshow was going on and I got to see some formation flying from my vantage point. Had I stayed inside, all of this would have gone unnoticed.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Acknowledge the good.


Saturday, October 24, 2009

Planning for Success

The menu for the week looks like this:

Saturday: Pan-fried trout with roasted winter squash and spinach salad. No recipe here - just a little seasoned corn bread dredge. I'm through with trying to fancy up fish.

Sunday: Makhani (Butter Chicken) and green beans

Monday: Rotisserie chicken from the grocery store and a steamer

Tuesday: Pork chops and cooked cabbage - no recipe here - just old fashioned goodness

Wednesday: Chicken Satay and Okra, Indian style

Thursday: Paprika and parmesan baked chicken and broccoli

Gym went well today. Last night's mini-intervention went Sandy went better than expected. We'll know on Monday if we were able to get through to her. Her relationship with Bick is complicated, in large measure due to him and his behavior in the past. He's trying to make amends and is hit with "I didn't tell you because I was scared to". That's a tough one. Could be true, could be a convenient excuse. But it will up to them to work out their relationship. As he told her last night that they, meaning he and his EX and Sandy used to be a yelling family. Everyone yelled at everyone and tempers flared. He told her that he had left those behaviors behind and he was now part of a talk-it-out family and he wanted her to join it. He asked her to tell him when the last time he'd gotten angry with her and yelled. She did concede that it had been years. So who knows. The back story on school is that somehow, someway, something evil and hateful happened and her hateful school didn't process her FA and she got dropped for no-pay. Doesn't know why it happened and no one will talk to her about it. Fishy. But not my stuff to deal with.

The wasting-away Karen mentioned something in a comment about whether Bick's being gone for the week hurt or helped my mood. I guess it brings up the whole distraction issue. I think distraction as a technique for avoiding a binge or for use in breaking a bad habit is wonderful. Using distraction to avoid dealing with stuff is pretty much what overeating is. Using some action or person to avoid feeling whatever one is feeling or AFRAID of feeling. So his absence was good in the long-term. I couldn't use him as an excuse.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Avoid avoidance.


Friday, October 23, 2009

Hot 100 Update: Grade B -


1. Exercise 5 days a week. Grade A, as long as I hit the gym tomorrow, which I plan to do.

2. Keep Wedding Spending in check. Grade B, I've added a little project that I'm working on with Jill as my Creative Director. The project is probably unnecessary, but it will be fun as long as it keep it small. I need to avoid scope-creep.

3. 155/153/145. Grade C. Down a skosh from last week. Have yet to "regain my loss" from a couple of weeks ago.

Other updates:
Still feeling solemn. Not so much sad - more serious than sad.
Lovely tromp through the rain the other day in my rubber boots.
Nice yoga class yesterday.
My relationship with my sister appears unharmed by recent events.
Having time alone, while not under the best circumstances, was nice and allowed nurturing.
Bick's Mom is doing well. Bick is home for now. See the next item. He may have to return to take another round if his sisters' need him to pitch in.
Sandy has crashed and burned. Not in school. Telling untruths.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. There's always room for improvement.


Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Getting Grounded

I haven't been posting, as I haven't had much to say. I'm experiencing a lot of sadness right now. It's not depression, so that's very good. It's just plain old run-of-the-mill sadness and grief. I think I'm working my way to acceptance.

I feel, as I've said before, that what I'm doing, what I'm feeling, is important. That somehow this is where I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to be feeling and learning. It's just that it takes all my energy to be in the moment and I haven't had any to share. My apologies. I don't see it changing for a while. I'll leave a comment or two, but that's about all I can muster right now.

For me to sit and feel is contrary to all of my codependent and addictive tendencies. This is not how I've chosen to handle emotional situations in the past. This is new. The legal issues that I've been dealing with appear to be wrapped up as of Monday and I took an emotional beating on that one. I did learn some new and valuable lessons, so this is good. I prevailed and handled myself with ethics intact, dignity, compassion and professionalism, but it still left me pretty tender and prone to tears. There's no victor in these situations.

I'm learning to deal with my tendencies to have obsessive thoughts, to think compulsively, to have fantasy conversations in my head where I somehow manage to find the PERFECT thing to say to bring about lasting change, or the last word, depending upon my mood. Ah, the fantasy life of the terminally unique. LOL. So, as I've said, I feel I'm doing good work right now. I feel I'm making progress against my personal demons, and although it's the right thing, it doesn't make it easy.

I am practicing good self-care with loving kindness. I'm deep breathing. I'm reading. I'm going to the gynm. I'm eating well (a little much on the weekend) and this was not the weekend to see WTWTA - highly disturbing to me personally. Happy ending, my fat ass. I am, however, avoiding the scale as my body is the bellweather for my emotions apparently and wants to hold on to everything. Read that as TMI, but it will all even itself out eventually.

And I'm also trying to kick my drama-queen to the curb and extinguish her need for external validation -so I'm not trying for martyrdom here. On Monday, The Grand Beast, Pebbles' beloved dog was diagnosed with a brain tumor. He's lost vision in his right eye and has been given a very short timeline. We are all heartsick at the news.

Bick is in Houston, caring for his ailing mom, who appears to be doing well from her pacemaker implantation. I don't know when he will be back home.

So there it is. I'm here. I'm learning and growing and grieving. All of these things are healthy and natural. And as any old cowgirl will tell you, if you want to avoid getting kicked, stay close to the horse. So I'm leaning into the pain and staying close to the horse's ass.

May we all live in peace.

Love, Roxie

Friday, October 16, 2009

Hot 100 Update: Can You Say Tepid?


1. Exercise five days a week. Ice Cold, Baby.

2. Wedding spending in check. Smoking Hot.

3. 155/153.5/145. Ice, Ice, Baby.

I'm looking forward to tonight. It's girls night out and we are going to see Men-0-pause: The Myousical tonight. I've seen it before a few years ago, but it should be a fun night out with some old broads I know and love. Don't have big plans for the weekend, other than maybe a movie and a trip to the second hand book store to buy some PR travel guides. Plus Bick wants some reading material for his pending trip to Houston. I'll not be making this trip, as he is going down to stay with his ailing mother as soon as she is released from the hospital. We thought that was going to be yesterday, but further complications have made her release day up in the air.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Light a fire under your butt!


Thursday, October 15, 2009

Accentuate The Positives

Thanks for the kind comments yesterday. And a special thanks to longtime friend Meg, who called me up on the PHONE - even though we both hate the phone. We had a good talk. Funny thing with Meg - we basically became friends as she was leaving town some years ago. We maintain our friendship with a few emails interspersed between face-to-face meetings that happen maybe once a year if we are lucky, where we brew a pot of tea (or four) or open a bottle of wine (or four), get comfy and settle in for an hour (or four) long chat.

My circumstances have not changed, but my acceptance of it has. I just have to know that some growth is painful. It's called a comfort zone for a reason; moving away from it will cause some growing pangs. And that's where I am. Trying to grow comfortable in an uncomfortable situation. Just learning to take a deep breath and lean into the pain. As I said yesterday, this feels important and right. Doesn't feel good, but I guess not everything is supposed to.

Wedding Update: Another potential bridal bouquet. Pebbles likes the cala lillies. This one looks a little large, but the color is awesome. I am seeing a lot of the berry-type thingies these days with modern looking greenery accents in bouquets. I've got the not-a-bridal-shower luncheon venue booked. She'll order the invites this week and that is really the most of it - except dealing with the RSVPs which people do not do anymore. I do have one little surprise up my sleeve, but I'll wait until it shows up to unveil it.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Got Growth?


ETA: A friend just sent me this quote : "Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning how to dance in the rain."

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Every Day Is A Winding Road

Today feels important - like this is the life lesson I need to be learning right now. I need to learn how to maintain good self-care when I am do not feel like it. I mean, isn't this the spot where most of us come off the rails or dig ourselves into a hole, either big or little? I know it has been true for me in the past.

The specifics are unimportant - they could be anything, really - but what is important is learning to just be in the feelings. Have them, acknowledge them without judgment, spend sometime working through them and continue on practicing good lovingkindness and self-care.

I'm trying to think about this concept today. First off, I did not want to get out of bed and face the day, work, whatever. I went through my list of excuses as to why I couldn't go in. The truth is that I called in late, with the option of not coming in at all. And then I started to think about this response? Is this reaction going to move me forward? Will it make it better? Add guilt to the mix? Make practicing good self-care easier? Or will it be a day of wallowing? Honestly, today it would be a day of wallowing and not much good every comes of that for me. I just add another layer of bad feelings on top of whatever is bothering me. I have no problem with taking the mental health day when it's necessary, but I think I need to practice getting-the-hell-on-with-it. At least that's what I'm hearing.

In many ways the most important part of this journey to health and peace is learning new ways to be, learning new ways of thinking and responding. And one important truth is "First, do no harm". Don't make whatever it is worse. So right now, I've got my hair up in hot curlers to try to combat the frizz. I'll take a few extra minutes to put on my makeup in a decent fashion, get dressed and wrap myself in my lime green (with hot pink lining) satin trench coat and haul my happy ass to work.

And I'll repeating The Serenity Prayer.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. When you are the windshield and when you are the bug.


Tuesday, October 13, 2009

What Condition My Condition Is In

Yesterday was not a great day for me. I actually put up a whiny post, but pulled it soon afterwards.

I need to keep reminding myself that my emotions/feelings are not eternal truths. They are only how I feel on that day, at a specific point in time. I need not take actions based upon those emotions. I need to remind myself that tomorrow is another day and while I may feel craptastic today, it may not be true tomorrow. I tend to get all "woe-is-me-ish" rather than just noticing without judgment the condition my condition is in.

Such was the case between today and yesterday. Today things look positive and brighter again; yesterday was a beating. But this morning I'm back to my "old" self. I'm looking forward to my exercise today at lunch and eating on program.

Technical question: When I look at yesterday's puppy post in IE there are 6 photos. When I look at the post at home via Firefox, there are but 5. Any ideas as to why?

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Don't let you emotions rule your world.


pic: possible wedding bouquet style for Pebbles. She has decided we shall shop for flowers from the market while in PR and I shall create her flowers the morning of the ceremony with whatever is available. I think I'll be doing some practice tying between now and then. This looks like a dozen of the rose-type flowers, 2 exotics, greenery and some berry kinda things.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Puppy Pictures

Pictures: Old picture of him doing the crosswords. TGB at Halloween and as a puppy. The remainder were taken this past weekend.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Saturday Carbfest = Sunday Crabfest

I'm an unpleasant individual today. Even the dogs are giving me a wide berth this morning. I failed at the distraction thing yesterday and ended up snacking around most of the day. I did take TGB - 135 pounds of USA Bulldog out for a walk. It's always fun to take the city dog out for a walkabout in the country. I am unsure as to who ended up walking whom, but we went at a brisk pace for an hour or so. I think the gravel roads kept the pace doable for me, as they slowed him down a touch.

Unfortunately, I forgot one of my pretty sure-fire distraction techniques - NYT Crossword Puzzles. I've got several of the bound books. When I quit smoking, it was one of my go to things. It's about time I spring for a new edition. Now there is no way that I am smart enough to start and finish one in one sitting. Nope, I just go through puzzle by puzzle, answering what I can. When I get to the end of the book, I start back from the beginning, working more of the puzzle. Obviously, it takes ME a long time to get through a book. But working puzzles is one of those things that requires practice to get back in the groove. So, I think I need a new starter book. I might leave TGB and the newly-coiffed SadieLu with P-Paw Bick and go do my grocery shopping and knock around a bookstore. Yea, that's the ticket. I just need to throw the pot roast in the crockpot and head for civilization!

Bick offered to take the couch last night, so TGB and I shared the bed. That was very sweet of Bick and I think we all slept a bit better last night. TCB had one small seizure (or at least I think that's what it was, based upon Pebbles description) but it didn't last long enough nor was it physically disruptive or dangerous enough to require additional medication. It's really because of his medical issues that he is so spoiled (or at least that what Pebbles' says) as he tends to seize at night and she wants him close to her so that she can comfort/medicate/seek assistance during an episode.

With all this rain and cooler weather, the garden is growing great guns. The spinach is making an appearance, as has the chard. The brussels sprouts are doing great, although they are probably just toying with me and will experience a massive failure at some point during the growing season. I hate to get my hopes up. The decorate pots that I've planted for the winter appear to be doing well with the combinations of pansies, herbs and some bright lights chard.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Have a plan and follow it!


Saturday, October 10, 2009

Planning: We'll See What Sticks

I am dragging this morning. I've got The GrandBeast for the weekend and I do believe he is a spoiled brat. He is used to sleeping on her kingsized bed and that was NOT an option here at HillBilly Haven. There's just not enough room for the three of us. Plus, Bick isn't a fan of sharing. So The GrandBeast did not sleep, but sorta wandered around. Every once in a while he would come into the bedroom and give me a snoozle - which he can easily do without even jumping on the bed. I ended up sharing the couch with him and trying to sleep. Tonight he and I will share the guest bedroom. I am hopeful that will work better; otherwise he just whines all night.

I'm kinda homebound today. I missed going to the gym this morning and Bick has to work today and neither of us want to leave him unattended. Miss SadieLu has her hair appointment today, so she's already off to the Doggie Day Spa. So I'm stuck. I don't think Pebbles left his walking harness or even his leash. If I can dredge up a logging chain, I may hook him up and get out for a walk. We'll see. Otherwise, it's exercise DVDs for me today. It's days like today that I wish I had a piece of home cardio equipment.

Enough whining. On to the menu planning. I guess I'll get to the store tomorrow when Bick is home to watch TGB.

Saturday - It will have to be something out of the freezer. I'm hoping for inspiration, although it may be just open the door, close my eyes, pick and hope for the best.

Sunday - The great American traditional pot roast with carrots and parsnips. Pebbles and Slater should be coming back through from her "Meet The Fockers" weekend at his parents. They've actually met before, but that was before the engagement!

- Baked Teriyaki Chicken and Broccoli

- Skillet Pork and Peppers with cauliflower

- Moroccan Lamb with roasted vegetables

Thursday - Baked Paprika-Parmesan Chicken with whatever vegetables still need to be eaten

Today has the makings of a difficult day, eating wise. I'm pretty stuck at home, weather is crappy - all the more reason to develop a plan for distraction if I get too snacky. I'm hoping a nap will fit in there somewhere.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. If Plan A fails, build a Plan B.


Friday, October 9, 2009

Hot 100 Update

I was reminded of this story after reading Shelley's post about her husband and dinner prep. Bick did the grocery shopping on Monday night. On my list was written winter squash. He came home from work/grocery store and announced that the grocery store didn't have any winter squash - all they had was butternut, acorn and hubbard. Cracked me right up.

I came home from work early today after leading a meeting for a regional group of which I am the prez. I'm been awake since 3am and I am worn out. Lucky for me, I prepped tonight's dinner last night (Pebbles and Slater are dropping by (the dog) and having dinner before heading up to Tulsa). Double lucky for me (especially after reading Shelley's post) that Bick didn't decide it would make a nice treat for him!

Hot 100 Update
1. Didn't meet my exercise goals this week. Can still add two more sessions by Sunday. Will try for that.
2. Wedding spending in check. Did well here. Bought a pashmina in her wedding color to go with my dress at Nordstrom Rack. $10.00. I've spent a total of $35.00 on my outfit and I think I'm done with it.
3. 155/151.5/145 Weight progressing - although I had no options at lunch and it was more carby than I would like. It's been my experience that I'll bounce up hard, even though I didn't technically overeat today. My body is just that touchy.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Keep chasing those goals until you catch them.


Thursday, October 8, 2009

Menu Updates

So much for menu planning - I don't know that we've hit any of the marks other than sushi on Saturday night. Italian Chicken and Chickpeas became Roxie's version of Minestrone in order to feed the hordes. The Green pepper pork chops were served sans green peppers. Bick just threw them on the grill. Tuesday night, I ended up attempting to have an impromptu dinner with Pebbles, so Bick used some of my ingredients to make spaghetti sauce. That man misses his Ragu and pasta. So there was no cavapcici, but now I'm left with the ground pork. Last night Bick went to dinner with Sandy, so dinner was just a smorgasboard of leftovers from the fridge - The Maytag Melange - Tappan Tapas - Admiral's Poo-poo Platter. Tonight is supposed to be Roasted Veg on Cheese toasts, but Bick used the toasty bits for garlic bread on Tuesday. So I'm thinking of some sort of green chili stew stuff with the ground pork that didn't get used, as Tuesday's menu went right out the window.

Dinner for Friday is back on the menu, as Pebbles and Slater will be doing a drive-and-drop after work to leave us The Beast while they visit Slater's family in Tulsa for the weekend. I'm trying to figure out something quick and easy to serve them and get them on their way. I need to plan for their return on Sunday and feed them as well.

Today is restorative yoga, which is my favorite hour of the week. YAY!

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Roll with the punches.


Wednesday, October 7, 2009

How Many Points Are There In Ego Biscuits?

Just how many points are there in ego biscuits? I need to know, as I'm feasting on one right now. I was in my boss' office discussing a work project and he says "There's something that I want to tell you - you are going to make one hell of an old woman. I had this thought at your birthday party last week and everytime I see you, it comes back. You are a long way from old, and I hope I live long enough to see it, but you are going to rock old age. You are better now than you were ten or even fifteen years ago."

I've worked for this man for nineteen years and would follow him through the gates of hell. It was a nice thing for him to say and it happened on a day when I could use a little nudging from the universe.

I did not get to the gym to row yesterday, as the lab reconstruction kept me from getting a lunch break. I did go faux row today for an hour and it was lovely. I shall follow my ego biscuits with a dose of Aleve, as I think I'm going to be sore in that most glorious way.

Answers? I Got Your Answers Right Here

Over The Top Questionnaire

1. Where is your cell phone?
My green cell phone is probably knocking around in the bottom of my too-big purse.

2. Your hair?
My hair is fried. In my last attempt to save a nickel, I colored my hair at home. I've done this many times before, but the last time, I fried it. It's breaking off by the handsful so I've got to find someone to chop it all off. So much for big Texas hair. I only hope that the drains survive.

3. Your mother?
I am still seeking serenity on this one.

4. Your father?
He was killed in a plane crash some 38 years ago.

5. Your favorite food?
My favorite food is probably a good steak, followed closely by cheesecake.

6. Your dream last night?
If I had a dream last night, I don't recall it today. This is a good thing. Usually when I dream and can recall them, it means my sleep has been fitful. I'm sleeping most nights - and I am grateful.

7. Your favorite drink?
I am addicted to the Diet Coke. My habit is big, bold and often.

8. Your dream/goal?
My dream or goal is to get as close to inner-peace as possible. I'm tired of street fighting.

9. What room are you in?
I am in the room we call the computer/reading room. Now at the office.

10. Your hobby?
I guess my only active hobby right now is gardening.

11. Your fear?
I fear wanting what I cannot have.

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? traveling

13. Where were you last night? pacing some and in bed some

14. Something that you aren't? flexible

15. Muffins? I love them but I leave them alone.

16. Wish list item? Barracuda, 70s era

17. Where did you grow up? Pacific Northwest

18. Last thing you did? faxed a letter to an attorney

19. What are you wearing? the cutest purple stiletto- heeled booties in the history of EVAH

20. Your TV? on a converter box

21. Your pets? My step-dog, SadieLu

22. Friends? want more and want them closer geographically

23. Your life? work in progress

24. Your mood? resigned, but resilient

25. Missing someone? thankfully, no

26. Vehicle? Malibu Ken

27. Something you’re not wearing? wedding ring

28. Your favorite store? Costco!!!

29. Your favorite color? Burnt orange

30. When was the last time you laughed? last night

31. Last time you cried? last week

32. Your best friend? Bick

33. One place that I go to over and over? fancy pants grocery stores

34. One person who emails me regularly? that woman in my neighborhood who has lost 47 pounds on a great new diet

35. Favorite place to eat? My own dining table

Okay, well I created the answers to the questionaire on another ap, complete with cute little icons and colored fonts. Did not import. Nor did I understand that I was supposed to provide one word answers. Duh! Oh well.

In other news, I responded to the attorney this morning saying that I was unwilling to relinquish my claim without an agreement on the distribution of the proceeds. So the ball has left my court. As Brian noted in the comments, I've done lots of thinking about this and I am good with my decision to take this step.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Stand up for yourself because no one else will.


Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Faux Row Faux Row Faux Row Your Boat

I've decided to row today at lunch rather than treadmill. There's no tv to watch, but I brought my iPod to listen to. I am hopeful that will keep me engaged for the hour. Sometimes the hardest part to overcome is just the shear boredom.

I spent time on the yoga mat this morning, spent a few minutes meditating and did some actual writing in my journal. It had been a long while since I'd done all three of those in the morning. It was a nice way to start what I thought would be a stressful day. I have to move a lab from one location to another and I hate dealing with hardware. Turns out, that was the easy part of the day.

I picked up my mail this morning and in it was a letter from my Mom's attorney asking me to sign away my legal rights to my Dad's estate so that she can sell the property. So here it is. On one hand, I'm glad to see that she now knows/accepts that I've been right and that I have legal claim to the estate. On the other hand, I've got a pretty difficult decision to make. And soon.

So I'm trying to breathe through this latest development and I really need a more physical outlet than the treadmill, so I'm off to row my troubles away.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Start your day in the best way possible.


Monday, October 5, 2009

Weekend Update

My birthday celebration stretched into the weekend and it was lovely. I did not make it to the gym on Saturday morning, but I did get some exercise, so I'm counting it. Bick and I ended up here on Saturday. We walked around and looked at stuff for about an hour and a half and then Bick wanted to go make some offers, so I set out to get some real exercise. I walked at an exercise-pace through the infield, saw lots more good ol' sheet metal and generally enjoyed the view. Except for the men-in-denim-shorts. If you are a man, leave the denim shorts at home. No longer stylish, Dude. Only appropriate for changing the oil in that forty year old car.

Met Pebbles and Slater at the house, followed by Sandy and we all went off to the store for the sushi provisions. Wow - sushi is a lot of work! But I learned how to roll my own and it was great fun. Had a lovely time. Slater and Pebbles ended up staying all night and through brunch and dinner on Sunday. I sorta had to do the loaves-and-fishes thing with the Italian chicken and garbonzo beans. I turned that into a rustic Italian stew, made some gluten-free cornbread and called it dinner. Bick laughed and pulled me aside and said "They are like stray cats. If we keep feeding them, they will never leave." Lovely, relaxed weekend. One of the nicest celebrations I can recall.

I do need to dial in the focus a bit. So, I'm back off of morning coffee. I'd slipped back into that habit. I did not get any exercise on Sunday, save playing chase with Pebbles' 135 pound beast of a dog. That was such a show that the neighbors' stepped out on their front porch to watch. So I did get my heart rate up, but not for long.

So goals for this week 2 spin classes, 2 treadmills, 1 yoga class, plus a long workout on Saturday morning.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Stay dialed in.


ETA: Thanks to Karen for passing along the Over The Top award. I'll answer the questions soon! PS. to Karen - the more I get to know you, the more alike I find us to be.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Planning Ahead

More notes on food - In most cases, I do not follow recipes exactly. I use them as general guidelines. I'll usually try to carb-down a recipe with substitutions for me. Also, as you can see, somethings are bumped from the plan if LIFE intervenes. Seriously, Italian chicken and chickpeas has been on the menu for three weeks. I've yet to get it served.

Saturday: Tonight Pebbles and Slater are coming over. Slater is teaching me and Sandy how to prepare sushi. Should be fun! Bick arranged this little get together - bless his pea-pickin' heart.

Sunday: Italian Chicken and Chickpeas

Monday: Green Pepper Pork Chops and asparagus

Tuesday: Servian Cevapcici and roasted vegetables. Risotto for Bick.

Wednesday: Supermarket Rotisserie chicken and broccoli.

Thursday: Roasted Vegetables on Cheese Toasts for Bick. Roasted vegetable salad with cheese for me.

Friday: To each, his own.

I'm feeling a little puny this morning. Pebbles took my Mom and sister and I out to dinner last night. Wanted them to meet Slater. It went okay. I'd been quiet about my most recent flare up with Mom as this is the time for Pebbles. I got through it and they seemed to like Slater well enough. Both were unhappy with her decision to marry in Puerto Rico, but it's not up to me to mediate. Her decisions, her outcomes.

It's off to the gym this morning for at least a bit. I've got to go to meet my Hot 100 goals for the week (tomorrow too). So this is me going to the gym when I DON'T WANT TO! But hell, I can stand anything for an hour. If I don't go, then I'll spend the rest of the day feeling bad about it. So I'm going, not because I want to today, but because I don't want to feel bad about NOT going. Make any sense? I didn't think so.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.


Friday, October 2, 2009

Hot 100: Update #1

My goals are:

1. Exercise 5 days a week - I've had a rough start this week, but I can still make goal. I will have to exercise on Sunday, but I'm down with that.
2. Keep spending on Pebbles' wedding in check. Doing well with that.
3. 155/153.5/145 - on track.

In other goal news - I've surpassed my first Frequently Tired Miles milestone. I'm starting to look at my first reward trip - Texas bloggers, I'm looking at you! Wanna take me on your favorite hike? Let me know. I don't know if I can get there before the year end, but I want to get something on the books!

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Peer pressure can be a good thing!



I've been thinking about what to write ever since POD asked me to post her LIVESTRONG piece. I was diagnosed with cervical cancer in 1997. It's very strange to look back on the events with a decade-plus perspective. While it was a serious and scary time, my cancer diagnosis was integrally tied to my over-all recovery. In many ways, cancer helped create the life I have now.

The end of 1996 was probably my darkest hour. I was dealing with a marriage reconciliation after a two year break, I was gaining weight at an alarming clip, using food in inappropriate ways and I was miserable.

And then in 1997, the call came in that my pap results were abnormal. There was some retesting and the next thing I knew, I was sitting in a gynecological oncologist's office. The recommendation was a hysterectomy. Surgery was scheduled.

I had some time to research cervical cancer. I was astounded by the percentage of false "good" results women receive. I'd been diligent about yearly exams and nothing had shown up before. All of a sudden, I had cancer. I was shocked to learn that this was caused by a virus, a sexually transmitted virus, HPV. Now I got to have some shame attached to everything else. But it was also at that point that I decided that something had to give. I needed to do something about my life and I needed my "edge" back. I felt like no one would understand that I was worn out - that I was emotionally exhausted and I needed a mental health break. I felt a lot of shame about my broken-ness, but I didn't feel I could ask for what I needed. But with this cancer diagnosis, I could take time off. It was expected. People would understand that.

It was during my recovery from surgery that I was able to take time out and rest. I took a physical and mental health break from work and pretty much everything else. And I was able to regain a little of my footing and slowly regain a little bit of hope. Hearing a diagnosis of cancer, even of the type that I had, made me know that I wanted more out of life.

It was towards the end of 1998 when a friend reported astounding results following a low-carb lifestyle. By that time, I weighed 257 pounds. Pebbles and my then husband were away on a ski trip and I went on the "diet".

My journey towards health and well-being didn't begin with a complete 180. Cancer wasn't THE thing that turned my life around. It was just one of the things that altered my life's trajectory just enough to let me see a different path. And for that, I am grateful.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Bits and Pieces

More notes on food -
When I was posting my menus for the week, I talked about how I try to fix four portions. Two for dinner for Bick and me and then two that we take to lunch the next day. The other part of the food management story is that we don't eat family style. We fix our plates in the kitchen and some days, I'll even pack up the lunches before sitting down to dinner. In this way, my meal stays pretty well portioned. No going back for seconds, etc because there are none. I didn't really set out to do this, it just sort of happened, but it certainly makes things easier and I'm all for the Easy Button.

More wedding stuff -

I had to smile (inwardly) at Pebbles in the dressing room while trying on her wedding gown. It's a pretty unforgiving design. As backstory, I had spent some time over the weekend going through pictures, etc and I came across her high school graduation pictures. She was a wee slip of a thing - probably a size 2 at 5'7". She gained weight in college and since, and while she still looks fabulous, she's carrying more weight than she did in high school. That's a fact, certainly not a judgment. So we are in the dressing room and she looks at herself in this dress that she has tried on without benefit the suggested spanxy stuff and she says "I could stand to lose maybe 3 pounds but I'm not losing 5". Way to go kiddo - there has never been any lamentations about being bigger than she was in HS. No "I've got to get in better shape for my wedding". She's a pretty curvy girl and she is just fine with that. I don't know how she managed to fight off the genetic bad body image bug, but she has.

Blogging stuff -
I'm way behind with commenting and outreach. I've been reading, but just haven't had the time to comment much. I'll try to keep up better this week.

Yoga today! YAY!

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Love the skin you are in.