Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Paging Dr. Hartley! Paging Dr. Hartley!

I got a blast from the past yesterday that has really set My Crazy Brain all aflutter. While picking some items for dinner last night, I ran into the dad of one of my oldest Texas friends. We met at my first job when I moved here - back in June of 1979 - so it's a pinch over 30 years. We stayed best/close friends for about ten/fifteen years. Her life took some really bad turns and she became addicted to crack and did two prison stretches. Obviously, there was a lot of drama and I chose NOT to be a part of it. I last saw her about 5 years ago when she dropped by my house. She was out of prison, obviously, and clean and sober. She had just started working in sales for an energy company. I'd often wonder how she was doing, but chose never to look up her family to find out.

Last night, I found out. She's stayed clean and has been cleaning up in sales (she could always sell anything) has bought and paid for her condo here in town. Her dad said she was doing great, would love to get in touch and took down my info. She works out of town for a couple of weeks at a stretch, but has internet connections, obviously. He gave me her email info. And that was that.

Or so I thought. Obviously, having the thought of her back in my life - we'll call her Val - has really triggered some emotional crap for me. Jealousy? Feelings of inadequacy? Inferiority? I mean bucket loads of this stuff concerning every aspect of my life. The logical part of me knows that she is not judgmental so this is not about her - this is totally about me. Is it because we go so far back that she "knows where the bodies" are buried? Could be - but I'm pretty open about stuff, so it's not like it would be news to anyone if she told everything she knows. Am I jealous? It sort of feels that way, as she has always been very, very beautiful. But I have other very beautiful friends whose physical appearance doesn't cause this?

And it gets pettier - I bet she'll have a nicer car than me! WTF! I do not care about this stuff; it doesn't matter to me (with others at least) why does the prospect of reconnecting with her cause this? I'm guessing it's some sort of a flashback - as we've probably seen each other at our very worst. We've never shared a value system and it's never bothered me before, why now.

In any event, I'm following my new philosophy - "Don't just do something, sit there" until I can get a grip on what's going on with me here because I am not prone to bouts of this stuff. Lots of my friends have more/do more/more beautiful/more successful and it doesn't change how I view me or my life. And it's not like she was/is a "frenemy" nor do I think her toxic. This is just strange.

And I'd forgotten how much I loved The Bob Newhart Show. I think Suzanne Pleschette was about the coolest woman ever.

ETA: I chose NOT to be a part of the drama. Sheesh.


  1. I can relate to your frustration when things like this come up and the solution is not to be found. It's frustrating when we experience emotions that we know are not founded but seem helpless to do anything about it.
    I hope your day gets better and you let this go.

  2. I love that show too. Susan is still cool. On some cable channel they used to show Mary Tyler Moore with Bob Newhart. It was like going back in time. It was great.

    Perhaps there is something about those younger years that doesn't sit well with you? Or, I know when I was going through my sh*t, I was more willing to meet people I didn't know than people I did.

  3. Don't just do something, sit there. I like this philosophy. Think. Breathe.

    I don't know much about you or your past, so please take this with a grain of salt & sense of humor: could it be that she's overcome her big flaw in life and you feel like you are still struggling with whatever you think yours is? That's my armchair psychologist wild guess.

    Now for some real advice, take a look at this:

  4. I'm just going to let this pass. If she contacts me, then I'll decide where to go from there. If my unease passes, then great, if not, I'll listen to my gut and do what is best for me.

    Not every friendship is built for forever.

  5. STOP IT!

    I love of the funniest men ever! And sound advice, in this case.

  6. It's amazing how stuff from the past can jump out when least expected. I had a great time in Florida with my high school friends, but there were still moments of competition -- 40 years later. It got me a little bit during the weekend. Sitting at home -- it doesn't matter at all. Did consume a big piece of pizza while pondering all of this.

  7. I've loved every series Bob Newhart had. In my heavy drinking college days, we used to play the game where you took a drink every time someone said "Bob." lol

    I think it is great that you are so aware of your feelings...and it's so true that not every friendship is supposed to be forever. I have had people come in and back out of my life, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Our needs and wants change as we grow (or age) and so do our friends.

  8. I love your new philosphy, 'don't just do something, sit there'. That is great and bit of advice I need to follow.

    I don't think it's jealousy with your friend. First of all, she served TWO jail sentences. She was addicted to crack for God's sakes. You have nothing to be jealous about, she'll probably be jealous of you. And about her physical beauty, again, she was addicted to crack. Have you ever seen what crack does to people. OMG! It destroys their looks. Plus, you're extremely beautiful yourself. She'll probably be jealous of you.

    But like you said, I think you should sit on this one for a while. When people have different value systems, they don't always make the good friends. Maybe you don't really need her in your life right now. You have other junk to deal with, and you're dealing with it very well. Do you really want to add in another component to have deal with?

    Anyway, just my two cents. I think you're just one of the nicest and sweetest people I've met in this blog world. I'd hate to see you have to deal with another issue.

    I love Suzanne Pleshette too and the Bob Newhart Show. Always made me laugh. Actually, you kind of look like her. Pretty, welcoming face.


We'll try this for a while.