Sunday, January 17, 2010

Reality TV

Sunday started with a sleepless night on Saturday night - being awaken by the party crowd coming home at 2ish and me being unable to return to sleep. I made the mistake of taking an Ambien at 3am. Consequently, I was too drowsy to get out of bed in time for church. So I enjoyed a lazy cuppa Joe or two and headed for the gym.

I got from home from the gym to find a call on my cell that Bick was on his way. He and Sadie Lu arrived a bit later. Sadie did not like coming to town and dealing with elevators and elevated walkways. But she was just fine once she got in The Closet. She knew this stuff, hell, most of it probably still has her dog hair on it. It wasn't long before I was covered in her dog hair too.

Bick and walked to a local place to get a burger and watch some of the game. This place was great. The outdoor patio was loaded on this warm and sunny January day. We left stuffed and happy. We walked back through the development, noting a couple of other retailers that are getting ready to open. We got SadieLu and headed out to buy and antenna for the new tv. And then we headed back to the park from yesterday. It was even more abuzz with activity today. Bick opined that they need an actual dog park and I really don't know why they don't have one. They have room for it and a lot of people bring their dogs and would welcome some off-leash time, I think. Anyway, we walked through the park and talked and it was nice.

We came back and tried the antenna to no avail. It only brings in one Spanish-language channel. I'm going to take back this antenna and try one other one and if that fails, then try to convince Mom and Sis to take it back. I do not want to have cable. It's been years since I've had it and I'm fine without it.

And then it was time for Bick to leave. And as we were saying goodbye, I just started to cry - really it's the first tears I've cried over this since the first week. It's all just so sad and unfortunate. I'm doing the right thing for me and I just have to acknowledge that it is sad. I'm sad for me and I'm sad for him. I look at him and know that he's hurting - and not just because of me. I can't say that I think alcohol brings him any pleasure anymore. He just thinks he can't live without it. So I am sad tonight, it's to be expected and I'm okay with it. I'll just be in this feeling and not attempt to hide from it or stuff it. This is life and sometimes it's sad. I'm not overwrought or depressed. Just a bit of wishing things hadn't turned out this way, I guess.

In the meantime, I'm continuing to do good things for me. I've got a medley of vegetables roasted and in the fridge. I'm making a Roxie-made-up recipe of eggplant parmesan faux-panini stacks. I've got a spaghetti squash roasting in the oven - all veg for use next week. I'd really let my vegetable intake drop down.

Speaking of vegetables, Bick did call upon his return home today to tell me that our brussels sprouts were LOADED. Evidently all the garden survived the hard freeze of last week just fine. So perhaps there will be some fresh brussels sprouts in my future.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Stay tuned in to your feelings.

-Roxie
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10 comments:

  1. {{hugs}}

    You did the right thing. You will hurt for a while, but in the hurting is where the healing stems from.

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  2. Wise words from Lori.
    Hugs from me too.
    We were regulars at Freds. It brings back bittersweet memories for me.
    You are allowed to be sad. Just remember to take care of yourself and do things that you love and give you joy. Pamper yourself during this tough time. It will get better.

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  3. Some good words have already been spoken. I'll just send hugs your way. It sounds like you are doing good things for you in this new chapter of your life.

    Enjoy those veggies! My favorites.

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  4. I'm sorry things are this way and I hope they turn around for both you and Bick. Hugs to you, Roxie.

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  5. It must be hard to contine with the relationship when what brought you together is over.
    Especially when you have a good day together...you like each other and it could all be different if he would stop.
    thats addiction in a nutshell.
    My husband is a recovering alcoholic.
    I am glad he is recovering.
    I hope you feel better soon.

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  6. It's good to let yourself feel the pain. If you don't do it now, someday later down the road it will hit you. It's best to deal with it now.

    I wish things were different for Bick. Alcoholism is such a dreadful disease. It hurts not just the person in the center of it, but everyone around them. Maybe he'll change. It's possible.

    I think you're doing the absolute best thing by taking care of you first. You've put yourself last on your list for too long. Now it's time for you.

    Take care of yourself Roxie. It will get better...with time.

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  7. I agree with the others, I'm so sad that you're both hurting at the moment, but you are doing what you need to do for your own long term happiness and health, and Bick's as well if he could just see it that way. Until he does find it in himself to take the necessary steps to put things right you have to look after yourself as best you can. More hugs coming your way from me!

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  8. Don't know why, but doing the right thing often hurts. We talked about it one night at a meeting. Go ahead and feel it. Hell - do an inventory on it.

    Sprouts are hardy plants. We plant them (and broccoli & cauliflower) early up here because they can tolerate a frost or three. Even a little snow. Which we STILL have even after 3 days of temps up near 40. Grrrrr . . .

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  9. You don't strike me as the sort who cries needlessly or endlessly so I think you probably needed that. I hope you slept better last night. Have to admit the line about taking the Ambien at 3 am made me laugh. I've been tempted to do that many times. Now I know not to!

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We'll try this for a while.