Monday, January 4, 2010

Surveying The Landscape



Well, hell's bells. Came in to work this morning and immediately scarfed down the homemade pralines left to me by a coworker. How's that for resolve? Sheesh. Oh well. Onward and onward.

Yesterday was a lovely day. I enjoyed the church services - yesterday was the burning ceremony - where you write down all the things you want to leave behind and then throw them into a bowl to be burned up. In addition, you write down the things you want to replace the things that you are leaving behind - in my case, old resentments, obsessive thoughts, manipulation, and excessive need for validation. All of that crap to be replaced with my expanded theme "To be present as my best self for my best life: a year of urban renewal".

Thanks for the notes, both public and private on external validation. Obviously I am not the only one who craves/needs/suffers. And enjoying ego strokes isn't wrong - I got some yesterday from my friends and I loved them. My problem is when I am like the "Shop of Horrors" plant saying "Feed Me!" and would resort to desperate attempts to secure said validation, either by word or deed. If it's offered freely, then take it and wallow in it. If I have to use manipulation to get it, then there's some self-esteem that's missing in me.

Wonderful lunch with the friends yesterday (way too much soul food) and had a nice dinner at Bick's last night. Was able to pick up a few things up there to bring home. Up a bit late this morning, but I did manage to get some gym-time in before work.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Look around and learn what is really going on.

-Roxie
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8 comments:

  1. Home-made pralines? I would've fought you for them if I'd been there!
    It sounds like your new year is getting off to a great start, and I'm really happy for you about that. I like the sound of the burning ceremony, I've never come across that before. Everything you list to leave behind had me nodding in agreement, I think you and I mnay have been separated at birth ;-)

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  2. Well hell's bells's. I haven't heard that saying in a long time.

    Like the idea of the burning ceremony. You have to be grateful for all that stuff, so you can make room for new stuff. Sometimes that is easier said then done.

    Glad things are going well with you and Bick. Any chance he is making any real changes? Just wondering.

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  3. Sounds like an interesting church. UU?

    I like what you said about trying to wrestle up your own cudos. . . I can be pretty needy sometimes trying to get approval from everyone when I really need it from myself most.

    I know you & I have "chatted" before but did I know you've lost a 100 lbs?? Where can I get the overview of your story? I'm revving up (I don't care if I'm in the trend), and could use inspiration and friends.

    Sandy

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  4. I'd have eaten the pralines, too! Thems are my favorite candies :D

    The burning ceremony is neat. I like how the new year is one of urban renewal.

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  5. Nice picture of you - can't wait for the wedding pictures!

    Yum to homemade pralines - sometimes ya just gotta give in. Have a wonderful day, Roxie!

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  6. Love the idea of burning up old crap. I'm gonna tuck that away somewhere for future use.

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  7. The pralines wouldn't have been safe with me around. I've been decluttering wildly. Not quite the burning ceremony, but lots of past is going away and it does feel good.

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  8. Mmmm. Pralines. Those would be hard to pass up.

    The idea of renewal is powerful. We can leave stuff behind.

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We'll try this for a while.