You really don't want to be me when you grow up. I can be a bad tempered, acid-tongued, throwing things, cut-up-my-ex's-clothes rager. In my past, this was a pretty serious issue for me to overcome. I've got a hair-trigger temper. It rarely flares anymore and I've worked pretty hard at overcoming this. My reaction to these types of triggers is to move away from them as rapidly as possible and not to engage into a situation where I might say or do something that I regret. That's been a pretty good strategy, but it is not fool-proof. And it tripped me up this week. Couple my sometimes bad temper with my amazing ability to leap to conclusions and you basically have me throwing a tantrum.
So when the text message came in declining the lunch invite as I was sitting in church, I read the first lines, got SUPREMELY pissed off and deleted the text. Because I was so angry, I shut off my phone and I kept it off for two days. What I read from the decline was that spending time with me wasn't a priority, that while he was willing to drive across hell and half of Texas, spend time, vacation time and money to sit with a friend for a week, he wasn't willing to drive 35 minutes and go to a vegan restaurant with me and some of his friends.
What he really said and what I didn't read, was that he wasn't interested in going to the restaurant, but would meet up with us afterward and would I call him to let him know when and where? Puts things in a different light, no?
Now as for the other conclusions I drew, those are pretty valid. Most active alcoholics, by their very nature, are a pretty self-centered bunch. I also came to realize that if I wasn't getting all I wanted out of the relationship, it's because I wasn't asking for it.
He asked for an opportunity to make amends and I told him what I needed moving forward. It was probably a conversation that needed to happen long before this point, but I was giving him lots of space to work on his recovery, which he took to mean something else.
I don't know what this means long term. This is still a day at a time deal for both of us, working on our various recoveries. There is obviously room for growth.
Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. And when we were wrong, we promptly admitted it.
ETA: I'm quite embarrassed about all of this.