Friday, June 18, 2010

Summoned

My sister does not drive on freeways or even some busy highways. She goes very few places and those are mostly via residential surface roads. She doesn't appear to be bothered by this.

She has been called for federal jury duty, which happens in Big D on Monday. Since she won't drive there, I offered to show her how to get there by train. Despite having grown up here, I can count on one hand the number of times she's even been to Dallas. So today, I'm taking off of work (she has Friday's off) and we are going to ride the bus and then the train to get to Dallas. And I think that I am in enabling mode. That's the hard part of all of this for me - especially where she is concerned. I keep getting tied to the outcomes and thinking that if I show her how to do these things that she will assert herself a little more. But I am really just fooling myself here. This was a perfect opportunity for the LAW to tell her she needed to get out of her comfort zone and I took that away from her.

While I am looking forward to spending the day with her - I'm sure we will have a blast - I've been assessing my part in these kinds of situations and all the other times that I've behaved like this. It hit me like a ton of bricks this morning that when she called asking for advice, instead of offering to go and show, I should have just sent her the information. I've blown an opportunity here. I am further enabling this learned helplessness, this victim mentality. Shit. I'm jumping back into the fray yet again. Double Shit.

I'm taking off on Cha-Cha for a long bike ride this morning as soon as the sun makes an appearance. I am looking forward to that. Or I could take an inaugural pass at loading Cha-Cha on the bus bike rack and bussing out somewhere and then riding back. You know, I hadn't really thought about that, but I could just haul Cha-Cha on the bus to work and then RIDE home. Now there is food for thought.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. But not TOO kind.

-Roxie
139.5

9 comments:

  1. She is going to Dallas. She will have to go alone when she has to be in court. Maybe that's really all you can expect. Sometimes just accepting people.

    Of course this isn't really about the Sis. I love the self examination. We must be in that mode. I still believe that some how, some way, everyone will do what I think they should. Setting myself up for disappointment. I am getting better, not perfect.

    Have a great weekend. You and Cha Cha have a great ride!

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  2. Unfortunately, I can relate to your sister's driving phobias...I do ok on our little stretch of highway here, but driving in big cities scare the bejeezus out of me...and I grew up in California, home of the freeway!

    Yeah, you could have gone one direction with this, but you didn't - it will probably be hard enough for her to do the whole bus/train thing if she's that travel-impaired. Hopefully she'll take good notes!

    By now you are somewhere out on Cha-Cha, which sounds wonderful. Have a great day!

    Oh, and the Asics? Love them! I got mine at Academy for $94-something. I've just resigned myself to paying around $100 for workout shoes - but my feet don't hurt and my knees don't bother me, so it's worth it.

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  3. I don't know if this is true for your sister, but for me I sometimes avoid things because I have no sense of direction. I am totally serious here; in school I was mostly a straight-A student, but in 3rd grade I got a D in Geography. Now, in the situation your sister is facing, I would handle it by doing a dry run myself. But I really do consider it a disability. I get lost in stores and it is very frustrating.

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  4. Well, you will show her once, but she is on her own. I really hope she gets selected, because then she will have to do it on her own without you.

    Enjoy the day, though.

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  5. You're being a little harsh on yourself. If you were REALLY enabling your sis, you'd take off work and drive her to court every stinking day she has jury duty.

    Taking just one day AND making a day of it & enjoying some time with your sister so you an show her how to manage all the rest of her jury duty days herself isn't so bad.

    Don't be so damn hard on yourself - you ARE making improvements.

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  6. For me it's worse when the "helplessness" is a prolonged thing and the person just "expects" me to help. That is MANIPULATION and if I jump in everytime, then I really only have myself to blame now don't I? ugh, as I see it happen more than often than not. doh'

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  7. "There is more to balance
    than just not falling down..."
    A quote I remember from enabling school.
    Balance and moderation -
    and knowing (sometimes guessing)
    where that fuzzy, liquid line is!
    Hope your weekend is wonderful, Miss 139.5!

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  8. So, look at the bright side. You will show her once how to get where she is going, and you will have fun in the process. Is this really enabling? And if it is, the fact that you are/became aware of it, even in hind sight, is real progress.

    Wow, I just saw the 139.5. You go girl! Buy yourself some new clothes while in Dallas, I'll bet everything you have now is getting too big!

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  9. I don't see anything wrong with being a good sister. Don't be so hard on yourself!
    Maybe your sister suffers from anxiety attacks like me in those sorts of situations. I hate going any where out of my comfort zone without my hubby or son with me and them driving me.
    Have a great weekend!

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We'll try this for a while.