Saturday, July 17, 2010

One Thousand Posts

One thousand posts on this blog. One thousand pictures of life on this leg of the journey - from May 2007 through today. I did have another blog that I peek back into that ran from August 2001 through May 2007.

This journey, much like blogging, is about consistency. Every day can't be a mountain top experience. Mostly, it's just getting up, putting one foot in front of the other and trying not lose ground. And sometimes it is hard to see the progress in that. But when you get enough distance away, you can look back and marvel at the experience. What lessons have been learned and what changes have been made. Of course the path hasn't been linear. How could it be? Linear would imply that one could see the light at the end of the tunnel; that one could actually see what it would be like to reach a certain destination. With non-linear progress, it stops being about the destination and starts being about the journey. And it's in those twisty, turny, can't-see-around-the-corners-but-you-just-keep-going curves that lead you to the bestest places.

I still have a lot of work to do, a lot more discovery that needs to happen, but that doesn't mean that I can't rejoice a bit in the progress that's been made so far in discovering who I really am. Boy, does that sound stupid, but it's the truth. I feel like I'm actually developing or discovery who I really am. I didn't really know that before. Not really. Turns out, a lot of the things I thought were true about me were not true. I am not always sober, sombre and aloof. I can be warm and friendly - hell, turns out I'm not much of a loner after all! Who knew? Not me and not until recently. I'd taken habits and turned them into character traits!

There is joy finding it's way into my life. Or more accurately, I think I am opening myself up for the possibility, if that makes any sense? And I find myself almost giddy at times - not in a middle-aged-crazy way (or at least I hope not), but at a much deeper, more resonate level. And all of this with some situations staying exactly the same - my Mother is still being my Mother and is spending money at an alarming clip and that only the stuff that I hear about! But I am learning how to deal and to still try and keep the good parts of our relationship. I'm not always successful, but I'm sick and damn tired of being resentful, so I had to find another way. I'm cutting both of us a break.

I am incredibly fortunate, I realize. I've had and continue to have lots of blessings. I had no idea, in 1996, when I was at my lowest point and serious self-harm was an option I was considering, that by 2010, many, many things in my life would be vastly different. So if you are reading this and things seem daunting, know that change is possible.

Thank you for reading and being a great part of this network of friends. I hope the energy that circulates through us feeds you as much as it feeds me.

Take good care of yourself. It all starts there.

Love,

Roxie

10 comments:

  1. Other than the number of posts (I'm only at about 450), I could have written this post myself. I am so different than when I started, I feel so much healthier, both mentally and physically. I have a lot of gratitude for what I have and what I've learned since December of 2008. I am also so grateful for all the people I have "met" in blogland, especially you, Roxie. I appreciate that you comment almost every time on what I write; but I also see that you comment on other's blogs consistently. You are truly a friend, not only to me, but to so many people out there who really need a friend.

    Congrats on post 1000. I hope you will post 1000 more!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wow, 1000 posts! Congratulations on keeping up with your writing - and self-discovery. Very cool that you can look back and see where you were and how far you've come. Thanks for sharing a bit of your life with us.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Happy 1000th post!
    I think its wonderful that you are finding joy in your life and self-discovery. You inspire me, and I love reading your posts and your comments - as Grace said, you really are a true friend

    ReplyDelete
  4. You mush have calloused fingertips from all that good writing! And good writing it is. Your blog is absolutely in my top 5, and a must read if at all possible. You have written about so much with which I really relate in an honest and searching way. Honesty and curiousity pretty much gaurantee growth and moving closer to one's truest best self. Congratulations, Roxie. I'll be reading for the next 1000 for sure!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Roxie - I am so glad to be part of this group that includes you!
    1,000 awesome things.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Roxie, I have only found your blog recently, but I'm so glad I did. Happy 1000th!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Congratulations on 1000 posts! Thank you for sharing your self-discovery with us, too.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I love you and your blog and your dear friendship.
    Thanks so much for sharing all that you do on your blog.
    You inspire me, teach me and entertain me with your excellent writing.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Id say Im sad Im late to the party and to your blog but Im not.
    I LOVE that I am still going backwards and reading and have a few more older posts to go.

    xo xo

    Miz.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I am SO grateful to have "found" you on this great world of the Internets! I think of you as a good friend and I can't even count the times reading what you have written has made me smile, think deeper, laugh out loud, and in general want to be a better me!!

    Here's to another round of 1000 posts!!

    ReplyDelete

We'll try this for a while.