I hit a snag when writing a good morning email to Bick. Brought me to a dead halt, in fact. It was a simple thing, but one that proved to be difficult for me to do. Ask for what I want. Very simple, right? Apparently not for me.
It's one of my character deficiencies that I need to work on. I'd made up my mind during this "relationship reboot" or whateverthehellitis, that I would be more direct and ask for what I want. No more secretly having a set of expections "if he loved me, he would know how much I want this" and then being resentful if they are not met. No more expecting him or anyone, for that matter, to be a mindreader.
No more couching requests so subtly in words that one would have to be a forensic wordsmith to catch my true meaning. I will be clear and straightforward and, here's the real kicker, vulnerable. What if he says "no"? Well, I can deal with that if and when the time comes. And at that point, I can evaluate facts rather than supositions and unmentioned expectations. It will be more fair to him and to everyone around me if I can be honest. And that's what it really is, being honest and acting with integrity.
Part of having codependent character traits is that I am (or at least I think I am) spectacular at anticipating others' every need. And it turns out, I expect that same type of behavior from others. How twisted is that? While I am getting much better at letting others own their own stuff, there is still this part of me with these secret expectations. It's time to get it all out there - straightforward and direct.
How can I ever get what I want if I am unwilling to ask for it?
I did not ride last night and I have no real excuse other than pure laziness. I did, however, fix myself a wonderful dinner of oven roasted okra with Indian spices and a lovely piece of cod. I wrapped the cod in a foil packet, added some sliced garlic, fresh herbs, pepper and a drizzle of olive oil. It was wonderful. I haven't had cod in a long time. Of course, I prefer it fried as fish and chips, but it was still super yummy last night.
Insurance adjuster cannot make it until August 18, which actually works out fine with me due to vacation.
Can you come flat out and ask for what you want? How do you respond when the answer is "No"? Is it the want versus need question? I find it easier to ask for a need than "just" a want.
Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Ask for what you want.