Tuesday, August 31, 2010

August Round-Up

Here's some randomness for August.

Ending weight 140.5. Starting weight 139. Weight range through the month - 138 through 143.

Logged my food for 17 days. Logged planned exercise for 9 days. Logged my weight for 18 days.

I was about half here for August. Not a stellar month, but it was a month filled with work issues, family and property issues and a vacation. I'm still in goal range on weight, so I'll take it and know that without some recovery in a variety of areas, it would have been worse. Anything else would be expecting perfection from an imperfect person.

I am late to everyone else's bandwagon, but let me hop on for the Flat Out breads. I bought the lite Italian last week and I've enjoyed them very much this week. I only use half a time (45 calories), crisp them up in the oven, and put my egg-beaters and vegetables on them for breakfast. Yummy! Tonight's dinner will be a Flat Out Pizza with tomatoes, fresh basil and a bit of cheese. This has certainly added a nice crunch to my life in a way that doesn't make me want to eat the whole package at once. Always a danger for me.

I should start tracking my ice cream consumption. I've fallen into a bad habit with this one. If I stay out of my car and on foot, I stay away from the ice cream. Something to remember. I'm not beating myself up over this, but I can count the times I've had ice cream last week on one hand and not have any fingers left over.

I am grateful for Erica and her offer to send me a book she had just read. It has helped me so much in dealing with the situation with my Mom.

Last night was another "clean up" night and it was not pleasant. She cannot make herself leave while anything is being moved or touched, as we might throw something away that she might need later or has value. The problem is, everything to her has meaning and value. Through reading the aforementioned book, it allows me to get not quite so frustrated with being yelled out when I am trying to discard an almost empty tube of lotion amongst a sea of other lotions. It allows me not to respond when she's raving about how could she ever have given birth to two meaner people. I did get to see some examples of how the mind of an afflicted person works, as outlined in the book. It's like she has ADD. And none of this is a function of age, per say. I think it's more a function of the progression of the disorder. Truly, I am grateful to have had a bit of insight into this mess before tackling, well, this mess. I am still sticking to my plan of solving only what is mine to solve. I don't have the power, knowledge or skills to do anything else. I am undecided as to whether I even name the problem to her. I'll read more and think about it.

I did tell my sister that I thought that was her problem. And she agreed, but seemed so resigned to it. And this was when we got a few minutes together out of Mom's sight and only because we move faster than she does. She followed us every step.

So yes, I think a lot of my malaise is as a result of this underlying issue that's been around for most of the month. Well, the issue has been around for decades, but I am forced to deal with a part of it. And the truth is, I'd rather avoid this. And I also realized last night that the situation would be much, much worse if my sister wasn't around. Oh, it's still not-good-at-all, but if left to her own devices, well, it could probably get news-worthy pretty quickly.

Oh, well. Enough of that. We are making some progress. I think one more week and I can actually have contractors come out and see enough to give me some bids. There will still be lots of work needed to be able to have enough room to move the appliances out of the kitchen.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Take good care of yourself. It bears repeating.

-Roxie
140.5

8 comments:

  1. I have great admiration for how you are handling this oh so difficult situation Roxie.

    I love this line: "Anything else would be expecting perfection from an imperfect person."

    There's a whole world of lessons in that one sentence.

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  2. It's a process for sure. Who knows, maybe it will get easier. It isjust the 2nd time. I think it would be very difficult to FEEL like you had to hold on to everything. That kind of perceived control has got to be exhausting.

    You handling it like a champ, Champ!

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  3. Congrats on getting through another Monday evening with your mother - and seriously? If ice cream is the worst thing that comes out of having to deal with that kind of stress, you're doing amazingly well then.

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  4. I'm listening to that book currently (not this instant) and its very interesting. I don't have an issue with hoarding though I feel I have tendencies. I can see how stuff can get out of hand pretty quickly especially when I look thru my own eyes at other people's situations. My brother in law and my X, both save stuff because you never know...a box of metal joists, an old car part. Hoarding to the outsider is for crazy-making.

    I can only imagine with a mom, the suffering. Thankfully like you said your sister is involved and can be of help.

    The ice cream on the other hand, I am hardly the expert. Every once in awhile since surgery, I miss it though I could only eat a tiny bit if I did eat it. I'm down 51lbs as of today and I see the surgeon tomorrow.
    I will never weigh 140 though the doc thinks 154 would be perfect. For me, that would be skeletal. Hopefully not a real skeleton.
    Take good care of yourself. (I wrote that sentence and then looked at your 3 closing statements).

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  5. Roxie, I'm so sorry about your mom. I've known people with the hoarding problem and it's very hard to understand.

    My mom had an opposite problem. About 20 years before she passed away, whe was 66 at the time, she decided to get her house in order for when she died. It was really weird.

    I went to visit her and she had given away all her Tupperware to the Salvation Army. She had one Tupperware container. I asked her why she had given away so much of her stuff. She told that when she died she didn't want us kids to have to clean up her mess. She said things didn't mean anything to her anyway, and she was ready to die at any time. She didn't die for another 20 years when she was 86.

    It wasn't just Tupperware, it was everything. Even handmade quilts she had quilted, all to the Salvation Army. Her garage was empty. She gave it all away.

    She was true to her word though, when she moved into an assisted living home when she was 85 there was very little in her house to get rid of. She only had the basic necessities. No knick knacks or anything. I have nothing to remmber her by except some pictures and one quilt I snagged before she got rid of everything.

    I guess she had the oppositie of the hoarding compulsion. Which in it's own way, was a compulsion too.

    I know it must be hard to deal with something like this, but it sounds like you're handling it well. Still not fun though, but you'll get through it. You're a strong woman, and smart. You'll be okay. :)

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  6. I think you are doing a great job handling a really, really tough situation.

    Thank you for the donation, btw. I will be sending the recipe book your way via email this week!

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  7. Really glad to pass along the book and that it can be helpful in your situation. I can only imagine how tough it is. You're doing a great job with your mom.

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  8. You are doing amazingly well with all the stress you are under. It sounds like you are handling it with grace. I can only imagine how difficult it must be.

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We'll try this for a while.