Monday, August 23, 2010

Short Fuse

I've had a really short fuse lately. I've been quick to anger and while I haven't acted out in horribly inappropriate ways, it's important for me to note and to try to figure out what's triggering (ha!) it.

I can recall three incidents just within the last ten days or so where my temper/anger flared and I reacted in a way that I am not pleased with.

1. On the rafting trip, I let the chip on the guide's shoulder become mine.

2. Yesterday, I said something to the couple buying a week's worth of groceries while in the ten item or less express line. Wasn't my job.

3. Walked out of the gym at lunch. I forgot to take my ID and the new people were probably just following orders. I just said "Forget it" and left.

When I start being quick to anger, it's usually a sign that something is going on. People have commented that I sound mad and angry on the phone/messages when I'm not even aware of it. I'm carrying all sorts of tension around in my face - constantly with the pursed lips. I've been doing all the things that I know to do to combat this: getting exercise, getting rest, deep breathing/meditation, journaling, etc. but I just can't seem to shake it. As I told Diana in a comment on her blog, I feel like I am in Funkville. Or more accurately, PissyMoodVille.

Interestingly enough - the thing that really appeals to me right this very second is hopping in the pool. I'm not a swimmer, so that it's it. Wonder if the water serves as some sort of sensory-deprivation thing? Who knows?

I thought that surviving last week would change how I'm feeling, but I guess not.

Had a nice day with Bick yesterday. He came into town and we grabbed a burger a new place. I didn't really pay attention to what I was ordering and it was a huge, double patty outfit. And while the bleu cheese and bacon sounded good, the cheese really overpowered everything. Next time, just a burger.

We followed up lunch with a trip to the museum to see the abstract exhibit. I really enjoyed it, while Bick preferred the Adams' photography exhibit. The real fun began when we took in a local antique mall. I got a framed print for my apartment and Bick got a piece of music memorabilia, suitable for framing.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Pay attention.

-Roxie
142.5

9 comments:

  1. I am in Funkville myself. Not really wanting to blog. Just read others. Not quick to anger, just blah.

    Funny how people can pick up things just by your face. I have a rotten poker face myself.

    I spent most of the weekend in the pool with the Gkids.

    Feel better and the exhibit looked great!

    word verification was chinesse...just kind of weird.

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  2. My pissy moods are usually linked to hormones. I have a long fuse, but I can really hold a grudge. Like into eternity.

    phipsx

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  3. Grrrrrrraaah.

    Do they serve hominy oats in Pissymoodville?

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  4. I hate when I get like that! I can't hide it either, though often I think I am doing - right up to the point when someone asks me what's going on with me!
    Maybe you should try some Primal Scream therapy - if you can find some privacy to scream your head off, swear, throw things, cry, howl - whatever it takes to let it all out!

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  5. I hate doing something like #3 - I end up feeling like such an ass when I go back.

    Maybe it's the heat or hormones or I don't know what, but I have been off my norm lately as well. My best friend and I are starting a stress reduction experiment this week to see if we can get a handle on this...good luck with getting out of PissyMoodVille.

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  6. My pissy moods are almost always hormonal. I really have to bite my tongue to keep from saying things I would never say otherwise.

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  7. I know you have tried doing things to "shake" off the mood, but might there actually be something that has caused this. Perhaps on a subtle level you are gathering anger/resentment/annoyance etc about particular people and/or situations which is building tension and stress.

    Its easy to jump on the hormonal bandwagon, but sometimes events shift our emotional states in ways that are not immediately obvious. Sometimes, a compounding effect can take place where there is no single root cause that you can easily identify.

    But then I am merely a man. Far be it from my place to try and understand how a lady might think :p

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  8. There is something to be said for getting it out of your system. Meditation is great, but sometimes the tension has to build up and release. Breaking dishes. Throwing rocks or semi rotten fruit. Practice batting at baseballs( the crack of the bat ..oooh). Tennis. Whatever that involves swinging and thrashing and sometimes connecting even. That's why I like kickboxing. After an hour of punching and kicking at the air and visualization of all the things I'm pissed at I feel like a giggly wet noodle..much lighter. Of late I visualize, ( job issues, oil crisis, politics, poverty, stupidity, fat cells that don't know when to let go....fill in the blank.....). Once you let it all out there is new room to breathe and let in the good stuff again.

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  9. great point as for me when Im quick to anger with the child it is RARELY ABOUT THE CHILD.
    so rarely that when I snap at her and it IS INDEED ABOUT HER I kinda feel proud :)

    see?
    I am a misfit....

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We'll try this for a while.