Thursday, August 5, 2010

What Other People Think About Me

There's a slogan that says "What other people think about me is none of my business". I LOVE this. It is so incredibly freeing to realize that I don't have to run around and try to manage/control/manipulate what other people think about me. Am I perfect at this? Heavens no. But I am light-years ahead of where I used to be.

This concept has helped me in my professional life, in my personal relationship life and in my health and fitness life. Age may be a part of it, but being able to give up worrying (mostly) about what other people think has given me permission to run (slowly), to bike (slowly), to take belly dance classes (uncoordinatedly), and to dance The Chicken Dance in the frozen foods aisle at a WalMart in Johnson county.

And today I get to an opportunity to put this notion to a real test. Today I get to be the face of a hoarder, as Mom has made herself unavailable. I get to meet the plumber at Reata South, only now, as an adult, I don't have to own anyone else's issues or behaviors. They are not me. And whatever the plumber may think, whatever assumptions he may make about me, they are none of my business. I do not have to defend or be defensive. I am me and that's all I have to worry about.

Last night's dinner was very nice. Sandy seemed to really enjoy herself. I was a bit concerned as to whether it would be awkward, but it wasn't. I think everyone had a nice time. The food was good and in some strange way, I think the dinner was very good for Bick and the ExMrsBick. I think they enjoyed each other's company in a relaxed and easy way, sharing remembrances of bringing their "little tree frog" home from the hospital. I feel pretty sure the ExMrsBick is happy to see Bick's recovery efforts. While the ExMrsBick and I probably won't become BFFs, we did well together and enjoyed a nice visit.

Work issues are still popping up like popcorn and I've got to meet the plumber today and then I.MUST.PACK or else I will be very cold in CO without any clothes!

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. What other people think about me is none of my business.

ETA: I got what I wanted!



  1. I LOVE that! It's so true. I'm writing that down.

    I should start a notebook of "Blog Nuggets"...great pieces of wisdom I get on this awesome blogosphere. That would be in there.

    In fact, that's it. I'm doing that. :)

    Good luck today!!

  2. During my first year in AA when I almost never opened my mouth, I shared at group level one day about something where it was all about worrying over what other people thought of me in some regard. At the break, this big old fat gruff man came up to me and said, "What someone else thinks of you is none of your goddammed business." At the time I thought, "What a blowhard", but his words have come to me a thousand times over the years and saved me a lot of worry and consternation. You have a lot of wisdom, Roxie, and you know how and when to apply it!

  3. I know it's none of your business, but I think you're the bomb!

    Your huge heart allowed you to host a dinner with Bick's ex? I would agree that you ARE light years ahead of where you used to be. Because I've got to tell you, I don't ever see myself hosting a dinner with Mr. Helen's ex.

    Good luck with the plumber - hoping it's not too pricey!

  4. I agree, not caring so much about what other people think gives us the freedom to be ourselves. I'm not there 100% yet, but I've improved light years from when I was in my twenties.

    Can't wait until my eighties. :)

  5. I tell myself that I don't care what people think. To a certain extent that's true. But let's face it, it's hard not to. I am so much better then I used to me. Still a People Pleaser to the extreme sometimes. Sometimes I can catch myself. Other times. not so much.

    I think it all comes back to The Four Agreements. Didn't you say you read that book? First Agreement....don't take anything personally.

    I loved yesterday's post. I will ask for what I want, usually after being subtle hasn't worked. LOL. It's scarey to be honest, isn't it?? I like a person that is honest with me. Brutally honest in fact. My Co-worker and I are that way. She's my BFF too. I think that's why. At least that way I know where I stand. The rest is up to me.

    Have a great trip in CO. Luck you. Think of me sweltering in 110 degree heat! UGH.

  6. I was thinking about the plumber's visit last night. The hoarding is no more your issue then it would be with any other tenant. These tenants are family, but in this situation you are simply a landlord taking care of a plumbing problem in your rental building.

    Not your stuff - physically or emotionally.

    Here's to hoping the leak is a quick and inexpensive fix.

  7. I had an aha moment a few years back - whatever someone else thinks about me is their own issues and problem. It has nothing to do with me.

    Is this always true? Probably not. Most of the time it is though. What's important about it is how it changed me. I no longer give a rat's ass when someone says something snarky to me. I remind myself it's their own issues and has nothing to do with me. It is really freeing. So yay on your new perspective.

  8. Not caring about what other people think does wonders for one's self-esteem because you really never know what someone does think. Even if you ask, they may not even tell you the truth.

  9. @Julie - Thanks, today went just fine. Whew! One down, more to go.

    @Leslie - I'm loving the lessening of the worry and consternation.

    @Helen - I didn't host the dinner, we all just met at my place and then walked to restaurant. We then all came back here to visit after dinner. Bick was the "host", I was just across the street :-)

    @Diana - I feel the same way - I told my hairstylist that had I known that getting older was so fun and freeing, I'd have done it sooner.

    @Christine - It went really well, C. A little work here and elsewhere really made it go just fine.

    @Dana - I did read The Four Agreements several years ago. I could stand to read it again - it's probably got a lot more to offer me this time around, as I'm in a completely different headspace than I was then. I'm kinda liking the brutally honest thing, too. Bick is that way - he's the first one to say that the Emperor has no clothes. It can be very refreshing (most of the time!)

    @M Pax - Yay for AHA moments - and also YAY for finishing your novel. Good luck at your conference. Fingers crossed!

    @Lori - very good point. I'll never know, so why bother imagining the worst?

  10. I often laugh I swing WILDLY TOO FAR the other way...into thinking that its never about me.

    if someone doesnt like me or is snarky or whateverwhatwhat---ITS NOT REALLY ABOUT ME :) its THEIR stuff.

    Im sure I swing wildly too much the other way---and it is at times about me :) --- but it makes for a happier misfit.


We'll try this for a while.