Thursday, September 9, 2010

No Regrets

I've seen this "No Regrets" logo plastered about, advocating a sort of balls-to-the-wall aggressiveness in living life. I think it is supposed to be about living a big life. And hey, I'm all for that. But in my readings yesterday, the theme was brought down to a very small, very personal level. Just for today, I want to have no regrets about my personal behavior. I don't want to do something for which I have to either feel badly about or apologize for. It certainly helped me get through my yesterday with no regrets. I wasn't perfect by any means, but I continued to stay MY course.

Went out to Reata last evening even after getting a phone call asking me not to come, that they had been working all day, had got almost done and were too tired to do anymore. I said "Great, I'll bring dinner and see you in a bit". I could see that nothing had changed since my last visit out there last week. And sinking into accepting the fact that both are incapable of even basic truths around this issue makes it easier. More scientific study and ready makes it easier for me. Detaching allows me to try to maintain the relationship - quite honestly, with a new level of understanding. Doesn't mean I don't get frustrated, because I do. It also means that whenever I start to have fantasy conversations in my head, searching for just the right words to say to "snap everyone out of it", that it is still me trying to control others.

So, I just went out, worked a bit more, but did cut it short because of a pretty wicked squall line that was developing to the west - I didn't want to be caught out. It seems to take me quite a while to decompress after these sessions - I come home and reflectively start cleaning, straightening up and organizing! And I tell them of the next step - contractor out for a bid by next Wednesday. So one more week. And I just hope this contractor will take the job and that I can afford him.

And as for the no regrets motto, it worked pretty darn well yesterday - up to a point. Our office received a cookie basket from a client. I knew it had arrived and told myself "No" before even seeing it. That helps - I'm less likely to be able to turn away if I'm surprised by food - weird as it sounds. The second victory was someone brought in lunch food as well. Again, I was able to tell myself how difficult it would be to moderate and that I would be happier (no regrets) just eating the lunch I'd prepared and brought with me. I was on a roll (ha!) until picking up dinner. I'd decided to go to a grocery store that has lots of ready made stuff - an entree and two sides of real food for $5.99. So I went in and got us salmon, a spinach salad and that wonderful grape, walnut and blue cheese salad. And then I decided to get a little something for dessert. Still not a problem, as my calorie count was low for the day and I'd exercised at lunch. I didn't want to get too much dessert, so I settled on a smallish container of brownie bites. And my only real regret of yesterday is that I ate too, too many of those after dinner last night. Next time I will make a better decision in the store, where the decision making is easier.

Today is restorative yoga. Sigh. I cannot wait. It's my favorite hour of the week. I've got meeting after work and nothing else scheduled for the weekend. I'm hoping that Pebbles brings back my bike on Saturday, as it is supposed to be done.

More on Cha-Cha - I misunderstood about the shocks. According to the guy, they are just worn out and to replace them with REI-quality shocks would be $150. I don't have a dollar into this bike, as it is on loan from Pebbles and she only paid $150 for the bike itself. So if I had the new shocks put on, plus the tune up, I'd be over $200 dollars - which would go quite a ways to buying my next bike - which I estimate to be about $400. But I've still got 500 miles that I want to put on Cha-Cha. I want to firmly establish my intention to continue this sport/habit/hobby before plunking down serious coinage for a new ride.

I've been promised an inaugural ride in Farrah on Saturday night. To the square, to get ice cream - weather permitting. I hope the weather holds as Bick leaves tonight to trailer her home tomorrow.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. No regrets.

-Roxie
142.5

9 comments:

  1. No regrets is the exact sort of life I want to live. And that includes not regretting that I didn't do something (like take a dream vacation, for example). It takes work and awareness though, doesn't it?

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  2. Regrets, yes I have few, but fewer now then even a year ago. It must so very hard to deal with this thing with your mom and sister. I admire the way you are handling yourself. Again thanks for your example and the reminders.

    Hope the weather holds out for your ride. I adore car rides. You'll have that 500 miles on Cha Cha before you know it.

    Oh and I just read your post from yesterday. LMAO! The Hypnotizing Junk. Too funny.

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  3. I am full-on in No Regrets mode at the moment...kinda scary and yet freeing at the same time.

    Glad you made it through another night with your family. Sounds like you have a good hold on everything; hopefully your part will be over with soon.

    It's interesting to me that you don't feel you are committed to bike riding yet - of course only you knows your history - but I see a woman who gets out there every chance she can and enjoys her nice long bike rides. Just my two cents.

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  4. *know* NOT *knows*...really should try that thing called "proofreading" ;)

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  5. I agree with your position on the "No Regrets". It's not a license to do what ever you want without fear of repercussion, but more of a reminder to be responsible for your actions. I think it's great advice.

    Re: Cha Cha - We don't need no stinkin' shocks! So they're shot. If not knowing hasn't affected your riding, knowing they're bad shouldn't make a difference. Maybe you just avoid the bigger lumps & bumps. Heck, I don't have a bike with shocks. Adds weight. I have enough of my own to drag around.

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  6. Just an excellent post, Roxie. You really have made great strides in the detaching with love and striving for "easy does it, but do it" philosophy. It is so hard not to get judgemental, verbally mean (if not abusive) when mired in loved ones' maladaptive behaviors.

    No regrets is a fantastic life strategy. And it takes knowing ourselves to some degree. Being in a state of obsessive regretting is way too familiar to me though I'm working on it. Thanks for the reminder.

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  7. I agree with everyone else - No regrets (your take on it) sounds like an amazing philosophy for a happy, loving life without the expectations and stress. I think you're doing unbelievably well and should be very proud of yourself!
    I do agree that you seem pretty commited to the cycling to me (who has only managed 3 bike rides in a month....)

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  8. Excellent post. I love no regrets.

    You know - for $400 - you could get a nice hybrid bike instead of fixing up Cha Cha. Just sayin'

    Might want to just ride her while you can and think about the new one.

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  9. Well girl just imagine if you hadn't been mindful and turned down the cookies and the lunch! You would have had that on top of the brownie bites! You did good woman!

    I too am on a misson to live a 'no regret ' lifestyle. Ofcourse there are still some things i can walk away from like ......swimming with sharks......yeah i could not ever do that and still have no regrets on my death bed...... :) But a hot air balloon i'm there! Rock climbing count me in! There are many more things i would do than won't. So the shark thing......no worries! deb

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We'll try this for a while.