I've seen this "No Regrets" logo plastered about, advocating a sort of balls-to-the-wall aggressiveness in living life. I think it is supposed to be about living a big life. And hey, I'm all for that. But in my readings yesterday, the theme was brought down to a very small, very personal level. Just for today, I want to have no regrets about my personal behavior. I don't want to do something for which I have to either feel badly about or apologize for. It certainly helped me get through my yesterday with no regrets. I wasn't perfect by any means, but I continued to stay MY course.
Went out to Reata last evening even after getting a phone call asking me not to come, that they had been working all day, had got almost done and were too tired to do anymore. I said "Great, I'll bring dinner and see you in a bit". I could see that nothing had changed since my last visit out there last week. And sinking into accepting the fact that both are incapable of even basic truths around this issue makes it easier. More scientific study and ready makes it easier for me. Detaching allows me to try to maintain the relationship - quite honestly, with a new level of understanding. Doesn't mean I don't get frustrated, because I do. It also means that whenever I start to have fantasy conversations in my head, searching for just the right words to say to "snap everyone out of it", that it is still me trying to control others.
So, I just went out, worked a bit more, but did cut it short because of a pretty wicked squall line that was developing to the west - I didn't want to be caught out. It seems to take me quite a while to decompress after these sessions - I come home and reflectively start cleaning, straightening up and organizing! And I tell them of the next step - contractor out for a bid by next Wednesday. So one more week. And I just hope this contractor will take the job and that I can afford him.
And as for the no regrets motto, it worked pretty darn well yesterday - up to a point. Our office received a cookie basket from a client. I knew it had arrived and told myself "No" before even seeing it. That helps - I'm less likely to be able to turn away if I'm surprised by food - weird as it sounds. The second victory was someone brought in lunch food as well. Again, I was able to tell myself how difficult it would be to moderate and that I would be happier (no regrets) just eating the lunch I'd prepared and brought with me. I was on a roll (ha!) until picking up dinner. I'd decided to go to a grocery store that has lots of ready made stuff - an entree and two sides of real food for $5.99. So I went in and got us salmon, a spinach salad and that wonderful grape, walnut and blue cheese salad. And then I decided to get a little something for dessert. Still not a problem, as my calorie count was low for the day and I'd exercised at lunch. I didn't want to get too much dessert, so I settled on a smallish container of brownie bites. And my only real regret of yesterday is that I ate too, too many of those after dinner last night. Next time I will make a better decision in the store, where the decision making is easier.
Today is restorative yoga. Sigh. I cannot wait. It's my favorite hour of the week. I've got meeting after work and nothing else scheduled for the weekend. I'm hoping that Pebbles brings back my bike on Saturday, as it is supposed to be done.
More on Cha-Cha - I misunderstood about the shocks. According to the guy, they are just worn out and to replace them with REI-quality shocks would be $150. I don't have a dollar into this bike, as it is on loan from Pebbles and she only paid $150 for the bike itself. So if I had the new shocks put on, plus the tune up, I'd be over $200 dollars - which would go quite a ways to buying my next bike - which I estimate to be about $400. But I've still got 500 miles that I want to put on Cha-Cha. I want to firmly establish my intention to continue this sport/habit/hobby before plunking down serious coinage for a new ride.
I've been promised an inaugural ride in Farrah on Saturday night. To the square, to get ice cream - weather permitting. I hope the weather holds as Bick leaves tonight to trailer her home tomorrow.
Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. No regrets.