In a recent conversation with a trusted advisor, she commented that "there are no accidents". I was discussing how I came into this part of my journey in response to Bick's alcoholism, but really felt that I was brought here to learn to deal with my family issues. I have been given this opportunity, this insight and this help from a variety of sources to allow me to create a new relationship, while there is still time. I don't know whose time will run out first, but what a gift this is.
I can be contemptuous and I haven't taken great pains to hide it. How would I feel if Pebbles suddenly developed that attitude toward me? It would kill my very soul. How would it feel knowing that the people around me wished I was someone else? It's time I changed my perspective. And by doing so, doesn't mean that I'm in any sort of denial or that keeping appropriate boundaries is wrong. A change in my perspective can bring a little peace to all involved parties.
I have been given this opportunity to learn to accept my family members as they are. I get the opportunity to let them pursue their own journey, just as I have pursued mine. I hope that I can put down my gavel, because if I continue to look for reasons to be judgmental, I will always find them. No one will be perfect, including me. It really is a frame of mind, a choice. And everyone deserves to be accepted for who they are. I can love without condoning or enabling.
I have two relationships in my life that are healthy (at least for me). My relationship with my daughter Pebbles, where I have tried to recognize and enforce role appropriate boundaries from the start. And amazingly enough, my relationship with Bick is a pretty healthy one - and not necessarily because of me, but because of him. He's always been fierce about enforcing boundaries and not letting me encroach. He's a smart man with a BS detector that is legend. He can be bracing, but he lives his truth - be that in active alcoholism or in recovery. He's deliberate and I have a great respect for him - and I had that when he was drinking and I have it now that he's not.
So the lesson becomes: How can I take these two of my healthiest examples and apply to other areas and people in my life?
I am incredibly humbled by this gift, this opportunity. It is up to me to make the most of it.
Lovely weekend - very low key.
Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. No one likes to feel "less than".