Sunday, November 21, 2010

The Big Score

It's no big secret that I've lost momentum, mojo, motivation, one of those M words. And I am doing my best not to "awfulize" the situation. Yes, I've gained some weight. No, that weight gain and my difficulties in regaining traction do not negate all the positives that have come from this journey. That kind of thinking - dwelling on the negative, berating myself, using exercise as punishment, and using my failure to be perfect as a wire-wrapped whip to beat myself up when I fall short are all mistakes I've made in the past.

What sometimes happens in these situations when slippage has occurred is that like the compulsive gambler, I would look for The Big Score. I'd try to get it all back at once. As I was riding my bike on Sunday, I started some stinking thinking - that because I wasn't out to ride a 40miler that day, that my efforts somehow didn't count. Here I was outside enjoying nature, exercising, and yet my brain was trying to convince me that it wasn't enough. I cannot get back to where I was in one day. There is no amount of exercise or strict dieting that erases the past couple of weeks - and thinking that it will only leads me to folly.

Another things I've noticed during this downturn is my bed. I've stopped making it in the morning. It used to be the first thing I did upon rolling out of bed, but that has slipped, without me even realizing it. And suddenly, my very neat apartment has turned into sort of a mess. I'm not straightening it up everyday as I have in the past. When I realized the bit about the bed, I realized a lot of things. It's not the big things, it's the little things.

Former Mayor Guiliani is credited with "cleaning up" NYC. One of the avenues he pursued was the graffiti removal from subways. NYers were exposed to the dirty, graffitied subways every day and by making that change in their physical environment, a shift in thinking happened. There were other strategies, of course, and some that I disagree with, but the city did clean up it's act in large part. That being said, I do know from my own life that my physical environment is a bell weather for my well-being. It's all a part of the system. And my unmade bed needed fixing.


Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. The devil is in the details.

-Roxie
140

Yea, it's a double post day. Turns out I have a lot to say.

5 comments:

  1. Funny how I notice by the time I *feel* out of the loop, a lot of little things have gone by the wayside, like you mentioned with the bed.

    Please tell me you are a futurama fan? Love that show!

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  2. I love this post - so chock full of truth!

    I just had this conversation with a friend who was feeling bad that she wasn't doing super long runs each weekend (which require a sizeable time commitment). She was running a couple of 4 or 5 milers during and trying to run 10-15 on Saturdays. Wasn't happening so she was beating herself up. I reminded her that if I run 5+4+3+4+5 that equals 21 miles at the end of the week. Same mileage, shorter runs.

    It's the LITTLE details that add up to great results, not chomping it all off at once.

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  3. Sounds like you have a variation of my "mean voice." Tell that stupid voice to STFU!

    You are doing amazing...I remember when I first started following you, you were weighing in the 150's. Not only that, every day you post is a lesson in life for me. Thoughtful. Insightful. I always learn something from your posts.

    Okay, excuse me while I go make the bed. Ooops, Hub is still in it. :-)

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  4. GREAT post, Roxie. It is the little things indeed. In AA, I know of a sponsor who tells people that if they aren't making their beds and hanging up their clothes everyday, they aren't really SOBER. Dry, but not sober. Interesting.

    Anyway, noticing aspects of our current behaviors when we're a little off the beam is the first step to setting things right-er.

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  5. Tee-hee! I made my bed AND opened my curtains today, and voila! A wonderful day was upon me! Simple things, indeed!

    Hang in there! You are doing a whole lot of things right, and once you're fully recovered from the jet lag, things will fall into place for you.

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We'll try this for a while.