Friday, December 31, 2010
2010: The Final Weigh In
What I gained this year:
I gained an overall reduction in shame. That feeling that Dr. Brene Brown describes as that sickly, sticky red hot feeling that overtakes one. I have an overall reduction in shame. When I make a mistake at work, even a big one, I don't go directly to shame. Or if I do, it's just a quick trip, not something that I wallow around in.
I gained an increased knowing that I will be okay. No matter what happens. I will be okay. Things may be painful and hurtful, but hurt and pain will not kill me. Doing all kinds of machinations to avoid hurt and pain are far more devastating. The dread is worse than the actual event in 90 percent of the cases.
I gained experience in avoiding resentment building. Part of my character defects involve swooping in and fixing and then resentment when things inevitably do not go the way I'd like them to.
I gained another dollop of self-esteem. I gained some freedom from looking around and comparing myself to others. I gained freedom from having to put others down so that I can be more. I gained freedom from keeping score.
I gained a pound of self-confidence and it shows. I gained it in my eye contact, I gained it in my posture and I gained it my countenance.
I gained a measure of faith.
I gained an openness that replaces continues to replace my defensiveness.
I gained connections.
I gained greater insight into what makes me tick, and what adds fuel to the crazy thinking and what will nurture my soul and center me.