Thursday, December 16, 2010
She's Just Fat; She's Not Flawed
I am still seething. And I know it's more about me than it is about her, but I am so angry.
My aunt (Dad's little sister) called me tonight to chat. She lives in my home state and she was giving me the rundown on the rest of the family. And I've decided tonight that I don't like her very much anymore; which is tough, as she was always my favorite aunt. Her son (her pride and joy) was killed in an automobile accident several years ago. He was the divorced father of three.
The aunt was telling me about the Christmas card she's received and how her grand daughter looked in it. I think the granddaughter is probably 10 or 11 and from what I gather is rather overweight.
"She just looks awful. She is so fat and she's wearing a bright green t shirt and it's three sizes too small. All you can see is her big belly. I don't know why she didn't stand behind Santa to hide all of that. Her Dad would roll over in his grave."
I said "She's just fat, she's not flawed." And I got off the phone as quickly as I could.
I don't know this child. I don't even know if she is fat. I do know that being fat in that family was the worst thing you could be. You see, my Grandmother was fat and everyone, including her husband and her children derided her about it. My father had me on a diet at the time of his death - offering to pay me a dollar for every pound I lost because he didn't want me "to look like Granny". It's only been recently when thinking about my grandmother did I remember how much she actually endured at the hands of her family. And I grew up thinking that I was this whale of a child.
I am angry for me. I am angry for Katie. I am angry for my grandmother. I am angry at my grandmother for allowing her children to disrespect her so.