Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Priorities

The kitchen repair/remodel is coming along nicely. Slowly, but nicely. My contractor is showing up to work everyday and making progress. There have been some additional issues, as was expected in such cases, and after my initial (internal) freak out, I'm freaking out less and less. Boy, I can awfulize anything. The familial issues are still there and coming through, so I really have to remember the sacred pause.

That sacred pause is just a road block, a brief (at first) stoppage to reaction or acting without forethought. I am, by nature/habit/genetics, a reactionary person. I can take a bad situation and make it worse in no time. My new first priority is to have that sacred pause before I respond to anything. I read on a recovery blog the other day - paraphrasing here - "One seldom regrets the opportunities to keep one's mouth shut". If I had to give myself a grade on dealing with the repair work/family situation, I'd give myself a B-. Only once did I really butt in where my opinion wasn't asked for. And I got another opportunity to practice the sacred pause last night.

I got a telephone call saying that another upgrade was needed - that the contractor had said so. And yes, I would really like to have that upgrade. But upon further probing, the contractor didn't really say that this particular thing needed to be replaced - he just said that they weren't made with quality - and it was hard to put them back together. I just responded that I would mull it over and talk to the contractor about it.

"But you will disappoint him. He likes to do quality work. His name is on the line."

"Well, Mom, my name is on the check."

I don't think that I'm going to pay him to take out something he's already re-installed. And while a new thing would be nice, it's just not my priority. And The Family wasn't particularly satisfied with my answer. So I get to live in and feel other peoples' unhappiness with me. I think it's something that I need to get more used to. Dr. Brene Brown writes about momentary discomfort versus later resentments. It's all a matter of priorities. I chose momentary discomfort.

In life news, I went to a lecture last night to here this man. I do enjoy going to these kinds of lectures and events. I need to do more of them.

Food and exercise were as they needed to be. I've already taken Clementine Peddleford and Trainer Joe for a spin this morning. I've got a spin class on tap for lunchtime, followed by another evening spin. Food is planned and packed and will be pre-tracked here shortly. Thanks to you guys, I now know that the salad kit idea came from Marisa. I will follow up today with another handwritten note to to myself with my affirmation/intention to make decisions that are in my own best interest, long term.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Pause for Priorities.

-Roxie
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9 comments:

  1. Sometimes I don't think I know what is in my own best interest. I think I do. But clearly, I do not.
    Buts some things are clearly not, and clearly work against me.
    Sometimes I change my focus to little things when they should be on big things.
    Sometimes - just the opposite.
    A Sacred Pause..... A Deep Breath.... A Moment of Reason.... the best way to go!

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  2. I think you're handling this remodel deal incredibly well under the circumstances. btw, my new favorite word now is awfulize.

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  3. "Awfulize" is a very good description of what I can do to many situations. I think it goes with the "overeater" syndrome, because they both have a lot to do with emotions and personality. It sounds like you have come to know yourself quite well, and that is what I'm working on also. I love your honesty. I think you're handing the remodel quite well. It is a stressful situation--I've been there and done that, and I gained weight during the process. I think I would do better now. Take care...

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  4. Or, as my wise husband has taught me: let it set a spell. So worth it!! That said, there's nothing that challenges serenity more than a contractor! ;-)

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  5. Will you be my life coach, Roxie? You are really doing some great work with listening to the still small voice within and then being able to coexist with the emotional discomfort that may bubble up from following your inner compass. And the whole thing about avoiding later resentment is powerful, because resentment affords us nothing but misery. Surely you've heard that resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.

    Good job on getting back on track on the physical beam too.

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  6. Momentary discomfort verses later resentment. That's a whole lot right in those 5 words. A whole lot.

    If I could give you gold stars simply for dealing with a contractor AND the familial stuff, your page of life would be covered with them.

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  7. So the contractor re-installed something that had been there already. That the family had been living (and satisfied) with for years. But because of one remark from him about the quality, THEY now want an upgraded model? Tough sh*t, I say. You are paying, you make the call. If they don't like it, they can buy one with their own money. There is no reason for you to feel bad about what you are providing.

    Oh, and having a contractor that has shown up every day? That in itself is a miracle!

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  8. What a great post. So many good things in this one. I love the "sacred pause" and "momentary discomfort." Things I'll apply as needed to my life.

    I love that word "awfulize", too. You have a way with words ;)

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  9. Loved the part about deciding between momentary discomfort and later resentment. So many times we take the easy way out by pushing off something we could nip in the bud up front.

    Everyone's family members know how to push each other's buttons. But I must say that using the guilt trip of your possibly damaging the contractor's reputation by disallowing an upgrade was priceless! (Pun definitely intended) Glad you took the sacred pause and dealt with it.

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We'll try this for a while.