Thursday, March 24, 2011

What's Mine and What's Theirs

Yesterday was a circus on the Grandma condo front. The real estate agent who had told me that she didn't want to submit an offer and then change lenders (this was not about pre-qualifying versus pre-approval) went ahead and submitted the offer without telling me. So while I spent the day negotiating back and forth between lenders, she spent the day not telling me that my offer was on the table.

And the mortgage broker that she had recommended called me to inform me that my credit union did not do anything but 30 year loans, blah blah blah and insisted that he had emailed me his numbers some time back. I asked him to just forward that email back to me. And I got a brand new email. Might have been a mistake on both either of our parts, but when I pulled my credit report last night, his company hadn't made an inquiry until yesterday.

So the problem comes down to my expectations. I expect people to be transparent and above board. I figure there is some sort of referral fee my real estate agent gets when I use her mortgage guy. I understand that. I get that. I have no problem with that. But I don't like to feel like I am being railroaded when there are other choices and options available. And it doesn't help matters when the mortgage broker gets indignant with me. I cannot change how people do business. It's not my job to teach them any sort of lesson.

So after spending Tuesday securing a tentative deal that I could be happy with, having Slater and Pebbles review the numbers, I made a decision about which lender to go with. On Wednesday morning I got the letter and called the agent to tell her I was sending her the information, she tells me that the seller has made a counter offer. I told her that it would have been good information for me to know that she had, in fact, submitted my offer. She said she had a family emergency on Tuesday - but here we were at 9:30 on Wednesday morning and she hadn't called, emailed or texted me and she was at her son's school awaiting an awards banquet to start. My feeling is that if she had time to submit the offer, she had time to tell me she had changed her mind and done exactly that. Probably doesn't change the outcome, but I do expect to be informed. Turns out the seller (who has the condo overpriced by about 10K according to my reading of the comps) came down a whopping 1,300 dollars. I don't think we will be closing this gap. I'm going to submit a counter today to see if they will budge. And then it will be "last and best" and let this be for a while.

The good news is that I had a long phone conversation with the mortgage person at my credit union and learned a lot of good information. I feel like I can really work with her to get me the best for me deal. So that part is out of the way. I've made some decisions that will help me in the future. A future that probably will not include my current agent.

I did attend the poli-sci lecture on the Middle East last night and it was a fascinating talk. Standing room only and unfortunately, I stood. After that was over, I made a decision based upon my knowledge of me. There was still plenty of daylight left to go for a ride, but by going home instead of just going to the gym right after leaving the lecture I actually increased the chances of me NOT getting any exercise. I just needed to make the choice and pull the trigger right there. Once I get home after an especially trying day, it is harder to get out and about. So I spent the next hour and a half at the gym. Came home and nearly collapsed, but I was happy with the way I'd handled myself in all areas of my life.

I got exercise. I got information. I minded the boundary about what was mine and what wasn't. I ate right, even when it was stressful. I put myself in "time out" a couple of times during the day (oh and I was moving back into my office yesterday as well) to get centered, stay present and not just re-act. Things are not going the way I want them to or would like them to and I'm doing okay with that, so far.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Know your limits.



  1. Yikes. I guess, even if you don't end up with the Grandma Condo (only coming down $1300? Do they really want to sell???), you ended up with what sounds like a great contact person at your credit union for your future mortgage. And hopefully you will be done with your agent soon, one way or the other. Seriously, where are her priorities? It's not THAT hard to communicate in this electronic age.

  2. It stinks when people aren't transparent or completely honest. These things always push my buttons and makes me very emotional. I grew up with very strict beliefs about morality. So to this day, I think of dishonest people as "bad" people and I really can't work with bad people. It sounds like you're handling the situation wonderfully. Hope it all works out.

  3. I'm like you, I set high expectations for business people and often get disappointed. Actually, it's not really "high" expectations, I just expect them to act professionally, treat me like they would like to be treated. That's not asking to much, right? Apparently, as you're experiencing, it often leads to disappointment.

    At least you're handling it well (much better than I would).

    If the seller won't come down on the price, which sounds ridiculously high, then perhaps it's not the condo for you.

    Good luck, and I know it's all going to work out for the best, whatever the final result.

    And I so want to be you when I grow up! You handle things like an adult. :)

  4. I'm so sorry that you're going through all this. It reminds me of when we were getting this house. I was so excited in the beginning but after the hassles with builders/banks/realtor I was actually in tears part of the time and frustrated by the time we signed the papers. I told the realtor that she was taking all of the joy out of buying a new home!

    I certainly hope that this goes smoother for you and you're in your new condo in no time. :)

  5. So frustrating when folks can't seem to handle basic business with professionalism.

    Counter all the way down to your I'm not budging price. If it's meant to be, it will. I say that from experience.

  6. Silly girl - you expect banks and mortgage companies to be transparent?

    Hopefully your new mortgage agent will be a boon to you. It can make a huge difference in ease of closing.

  7. The AA in me was thinking about what we hear in the rooms about expectations being resentments under construction. But anyone would be crazy not to expect that business people would be above board, transparent in their dealings, honest, and reliable about communicating with clients. $1300 is a joke for a "counter offer" and definitely not in the spirit of real negotiation.

    I'll be the small person who hopes their house sits on the market for many months (so you don't have to be).

    Great choice on not going home when you knew you wouldn't likely do the exercise. You're such a good role model for me.

  8. You are handling all of this chaos pretty darned well, I'd say. Sending good mojo your way and hope things work out.
    Very impressed on your decision to workout after standing for the event. Standing always makes me tired - and grumpy!

  9. More lessons learned! Couldn't contact you. That's BS right out of shoot. PLEASE. That right there would have made me mad. Stand your ground. It really is amazing to me that people are so dishonest, even when the truth would sound better.

    You are really handling yourself well. You should be very proud.

  10. Wow, after a day like that, I'm impressed that you could keep your cool. Very frustrating, moreso because you caught two 'professionals' telling half-truths (that's as generous as I'll be on that). Way to stay centered, focus and (relatively) serene.

    BTW, I loved the comment that 'expectations were really resentments under construction'!

    I'll keep focusing on the zen, and hope it sticks!


We'll try this for a while.