Thursday, April 28, 2011
As soon as I finish up with the seminar today, I will sprint to our company's service awards ceremony where I will receive my 30 year ugly-mantle-clock. Don't they know that 30 is the pearl anniversary? I would love a little black pearl choker!
I just need to get through this day, as I will be "on" all day. And since this is my shindig, it's a pretty high-wire thing for me. My tendency, in the past, is that if something was less than perfect was to beat myself unmercifully about it. I hope that today, when something goes less than stellar, that I will resolve to do things differently the next time and just let it go. It's a learning experience, not a personal failure. Remember that, Roxie.
It's strange how many places that perfectionism can slip in. Or more accurately, for me, it's affirmation that can sometimes border on martyrdom. I went in to work last night, did what really needed doing and left it at that. In the past, I would have labored over every-single-detail and made sure everyone knew it. Now? Well, it will be what it will be.
That's one of the realizations I had yesterday regarding personal growth. I'm not taking my recent break-up personally. Oh, I feel it, but I am not automatically turning it into something being defective or lacking in me. In prior events, I would have automatically run through my list of shortcomings (which still exist) and the if-only's. If only I was thinner. If only I was smarter. If only I was prettier. If only. There are no in onlys today. I'm fine just as a I am and things just didn't work out. It's not about me needing to be better in some way. So I am very grateful for that bit of growth and self-acceptance.
I am not grateful, however, for my head-first dive into dessert-ville. Brownies just seem to be crawling out of the wordwork to haunt me these days. Again it's time to duck and cover and avoid the work kitchen. In any event, I'm giving myself a bit of slack and will be really grateful for Friday's arrival. Or actually, 5:30 this evening.
No - wait. I do not want to wish this day away. I do want to be present, be in the moment and enjoy this day with colleagues - both from within the firm and those who are traveling from all parts of the state to come to this workshop. Today is a milestone day and I need to be present for it.
Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Show up and be present. No If-only's allowed.