Tuesday, June 28, 2011

I'll Have What She's Having


The past couple of weeks have been very educational for me. I can feel a shift in my thinking taking place. Even a small change causes a shift in my trajectory, my path and I feel like I need to re-visit and rethink my vision for what I want my life to be.

Turns out, even as smart as I think
I am, I'm not so smart at all. I forget things. I make things too complicated. I get all wrapped up and lost in the minutia. I need things to be simple. With simple, I stand a chance of remembering my truths when faced with, horror horrors, feeling an actual feeling, rather than avoiding or dreading it. Because I can be so feeble-minded, slogans and visions are helpful to me. So I'm working on a renewed vision and recently, I had a glimpse of a part of what I'd like my future to hold.


I was invited to a birthday party given by a friend of mine for two celebrants - one I knew and one I didn't. There were about a dozen of us gathered at CJ's. There was just an energy about CJ, her home and her guests that was at once both strong and calming. I want more of that in my life. As a matter of fact, I'll be hosting the next gathering in August, per the group's request. I want a life and a home that provides that kind of vibe to me and to others.

I also want to continue this path of deliberate-ness, for lack of a better name. I'm trying to give up multi-tasking. I want to be present and aware of each action that I am taking instead of just flying through my days, always waiting and wanting the "next" thing. Being deliberate, even with mundane tasks like washing dishes or folding laundry, seems to keep me centered and grounded and almost allows me to slow down time. It allows me to be present.

I'll continue to live a healthful lifestyle and not use exercise as punishment. I require and WANT far more exercise than I did years ago and so I will just have to trust that I get enough. My motivation will ebb and flow, but it will never go away. I will accept me and my human-ness.

I won't call what I'm feeling excitement, exactly, more a curiousity of what exactly my future holds and how it all unfolds. I look forward to enjoying each and every day until I get there.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Have a vision.

-Roxie
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7 comments:

  1. You wrote (a bit) about being present for the future. I have this issue! Trying to be present for the present should not be so trying. I'm trying to have a vision about this moment. I'm confused.
    But love the energy you talk about with CJ. Calming and strong. Aspirations.

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  2. Great outlook! I need a does of what you're having:)

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  3. Ditto....I say ditto just to let you know that I understand exactly,.... exactly what you are saying. But also, the first two paragraphs you have said exactly what I need to say about me and how I have been feeling of late. My trajectory changes minute by minute sometimes. I'm so scattered, covered, and smothered sometimes that I can't remember the basics of me . I may need to quote you on an upcoming blog if you don't mind with those paragraphs because you said it perfectly. I've been thinking about some posters / creative projects that I need to hang up around here to remind me of what my goal and path is .

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  4. Very thoughtful process, Roxie. I think it's helpful to just take some time and think about how we're living life and where we're going. I can become very scattered, but I also think that's part of our world today. It's moving fast, and we think we need to always be on a fast track. You will figure things out, because you're a very smart woman!

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  5. Lately, I've realized that while I'm on the phone I'm usually on the computer as well, and neither is getting my full attention so I'm trying to change that - to be more "in the moment" no matter what I'm doing. Multi-tasking has its place, but not at the expense of never quite "being there" - interesting that you see the same thing.

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  6. Reading this post spoke to me like you would not believe. While reading everything from being present, to slowing down, to hosting in order to form those bonds and have a positive energy throughout your home - I want that in my life so badly. In fact, this is exactly what my goal is in life right now. To just be present. I am still in my holding phase with these new meds (no change) and am frustrated by the fact that I am relying so heavily on pills to do what I should be doing for myself. But, I suppose that is a post for me to write at some point.
    Makes me wish more and more that we lived closer. You're certainly an inspiration and I cherish reading about your progress.

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  7. LOVE the title - best movie line ever!

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We'll try this for a while.