Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Living In The Present


I've got nothing profound to say, other than I am trying to breathe deeply and live in the moment. It just seems so easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment, the perceived importance of whatever is going on in the immediate future. For me, I can get all tangled up in the minute details and miss out on the peace and serenity that is available NOW. If I don't stay deliberate, I sacrifice those things in a quick hurry.

Case in point - there is a part of my job where I do not feel as competent and comfortable as with other areas and it is in this area where I inherited a tangled mess of code and reporting. Sometimes, I am able to improve the situation and in others, I make it worse. Yesterday, another issue came to light and I immediately sacrifice all the good of the day to that altar. Within fifteen minutes of the closing bell, I was suddenly in fear and panic. And without even knowing all the facts - I immediately assumed all of the responsibility and "blame" and became fearful. Fear of what? Panicked about what? I did get myself talked down, but it took some journaling about my perceptions versus the reality of the situation. And I ended up doing okay with it last night, but it was a battle to act in my own long-term best interest.

I didn't get in my full hour of exercise last night, so forty minutes will have to suffice. I did break down and buy some new Asics, but not my usual Gel Nimbus'. I'll be testing the running store's return policy, as they were not the shoes for me after a couple of miles walking on the treadmill.

I've decided to return the microwave that I purchased for the new house. There just isn't room for it. The times that I would actually use a microwave just aren't worth the real estate that it would take up in my "skinny jeans" kitchen. So back it goes. I'm thinking that I'll use that money to put towards a Weber Q grill on a stand for the out of doors. I think I'll get much more use out of that.

On tap for today, some sort of group exercise class at lunch. I think it may be yoga, I'm not sure. I hope so, as some deliberate time with me is probably what I need right now.

Tonight will be a trip to Costco to pick up the party stuff for tomorrow's gathering. And other than a bike ride with Talia on Saturday, I don't have much else on tap.

I am, however, doing a decent job of returning to reading. I'm actually reading some prose by a lauded poet. At least for fifteen minutes each evening. Elizabeth Bishop, for those keeping track at home.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Live in the NOW.

-Roxie
143.5

4 comments:

  1. Hi Roxie,

    Spent some time beating back the 'fear' today too. I really had to do some talking to myself. I needed to go renew my driver liscense and that requires and eye test. Eye tests terrorize me. I don't know that fear of failure, knowing my eyes are not the best what ever having that test looming over me for weeks, months knowing i had to have it done by my bday has really worn me out. Well today i gave myself a good shake and mentally listed all the worse case scenarios and how i would deal with them and spent some time thinking about how good it would feel to have all this behind me. And then i just put on my big girl pants and did it and guess what? I passed.We won't talk how old i look in the picture........Life would be so much easier if i could just stay rational.
    Hugs!

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  2. So funny that you would post this. That's my big issue these days, not living in the moment. I can't wait for the weekend, or I can't wait for vacation, or even worse, I can't wait until I retire (it's nine freaking years Diana!).

    I need to live in the here and now. Life really isn't as bad as I make it. It's really not. :)

    I'm an Asics Gel Nimbus girl too! I actually have five pair. The last time I bought two pair at once (there was a sale, buy one, second one 1/2 off). I'm so afraid they're going to stop making them and I love them so much!

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  3. Living in the 'now' seems to be the ultimate prime real estate at the moment for a lot of people, including me. So difficult to achieve sometimes; OK, much of the time. But glad to see that you're making progress in that area. Me - well, I'm still working on it.

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  4. I have to set an intention to stay in the moment. I wish I could do it. It's the only time that I ever feel joy and pure graditude.

    Read your Fireworks post and that is really cool about getting front row seats to the show.

    I have been waiting for that first "encounter" post. I would have played it over and over myself. I so admire your courage through all this. I am afraid I would have been a puddle of goo.

    Then I read about your panic over nothing. I had to remind myself that I was reading your blog not mine. We will continue to fight the good fight! Fear wastes way too much of my time.

    HAve a great day.

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We'll try this for a while.