Wednesday, July 20, 2011

I Am Determined.


I am determined. Now this one is interesting. I don't know that I am determined anymore. Oh, I've been that in the past - jaw-clenched, white-knuckled, scorched-earth, steel-spined determined. I'm no longer convinced that going through life with that mindset works for me.

I have been determined in the past, and experienced some "success" with it, but somehow, now, it feels so brittle and harsh - at least in the way I chose to apply it. I suppose I took things to the extreme and it became grim determination, rather than the more fluid intention. For me, moving from teeth-gritting determination to a softer, gentler kind of self-care takes things from practicing perfectionism into practicing progress. Putting down General Patton's riding crop, metaphorically speaking, has been one of the best things I've ever done for myself. Determination kept me in the future, while intention keeps me in today.

Food has been good. Exercise has been okay. Self-care - doing the things that are good for me - has been good. I've been reading and writing and getting a few things done around the house. In a deliberate and meditative fashion.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Be determined to be self-loving.

-Roxie
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4 comments:

  1. I still think you're determined Roxie. But I know from my own experience that determination at 20 is not what it is at 50! Not so much grim anymore, you know?

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  2. Thought provoking post. I go through waves of determination to the softer, fluid determination. It comes and goes in waves. If I didn't have the teeth-clenched determination from time to time I'm afraid I wouldn't have lost as much weight as I have. Yet if I didn't have the more relaxed determination from time to time I would go crazy. Or, at the least, no one would be able to stand to be around me! :)

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  3. I love your take on things, Roxie. I love that you are finding intention and stick-to-it-ness in an easier and softer way. Part of the mellowing of getting older. (Note I DID NOT say "aging"!) I find a great question to ask myself when I'm banging my head against the wall with something is, "How important is this?". That helps ratchet down from steeley determiniation to what you're talking about.

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  4. I like this definition of determination much better. Self care should be a gentle, fluid type of motivation. It shows that you're more in tuned to what you want out of life instead of what you think you need. I love these posts :)

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We'll try this for a while.