Sunday, July 24, 2011

I Am Energetic!!!!

I am energetic! While I don't feel particularly energetic TODAY, I am energetic. And certainly much more so than I once was. I was a divan pomme de terre, extraordinaire! I am still built for comfort, not for speed, but I can get all Energizer-Bunny like.

My mid-thirties were probably the worst time of my life - anxiety/depression/obesity was at it's worst and I would come home from work on Friday and rarely get out of bed again until I had to go to work on Monday. The person who lived like that seems very far removed from who I am now (although the idea of a weekend of sleep sounds like heaven! - but not under those circumstances).

My discomfort continued through Sunday morning. It was not my best weekend and I'm assuming it was a perfect storm of things - hormonal, being number one, I can only assume - given how emotional/hungry/agitated/teary I was. Yep, spent some time in tears this weekend. Don't know what it is about me, but I tend to do my crying in the car. Luckily for me, my commute from work is a short one, so my tears are usually short-lived. But I dug up some bones this weekend in the form of removing pictures, etc. from FB - unconnected to the whole family incident. Being surprised by running across of picture of Bick and I together can still feel like a gut-punch when I'm not expecting it, so it was time to move those things to a more deliberate location - a task I'd been avoiding. I was up in his county this weekend for a birthday party and had to remind myself of the many times I'd returned to Fort Worth in tears over the relationship. It's sometimes easy to forget how things really were. The memory gets a bit foggy. I also read something that I thought was important when dealing with sadness or grief and that is not to define one's self with that feeling. Rather than saying "I am sad", say " I feel sadness move through me or I am processing sadness". It frames it in a way both acknowledges the feeling, but also acknowledges (reminds me) of the transitory nature of feelings. As the bumper sticker says "Don't believe everything you feel". Or another favorite thing from the weekend - the difference between a bad day and a good day is usually a day.

Slept poorly again Saturday night, so I didn't feel like riding on Sunday morning, as had been my plan. Instead, I walked over to the public gardens and walked all through the gardens, up and down the steps multiple times and generally communed with nature before it got too hot. Lovely, lovely way to spend a morning. I shall go back soon with coffee and breakfast in tow. It's too pretty a place to stay away from.

Had Mom and Sister over for lunch and we had a wonderful meal and a nice visit. I managed to keep my mouth shut and my opinions to myself - which keeps me a happier, more serene camper.

On a completely unrelated note, I have started taking krill tablets as a supplement today. I shall try them for 30 days to see if my bloodwork improves. My cholesterol numbers aren't where I would like them to be.

And in other really crappy news, my beloved boss was diagnosed with colon cancer. He is scheduled for surgery on Tuesday. They feel like they caught it early and he should make a full and complete recovery without the need for chemo or radiation. I would crawl across broken glass for this man, so this is very distressing.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Keep going and going and going.



  1. so interesting you share that as I too am a car crier!
    UNLIKE the shower people really can still see me yet (maybe this is because of peeping 5 yo eyes?!) it FEELS far more cocoon'y and enclosed.

  2. I never heard of krill but just googled it. My own cholesterol needs some attention.

  3. I am a car crier too. I feel bad for the unassuming commuter that looks over and catches me in the middle of the ugly cry. Not a pretty sight.

    I thought about you all weekend. I love being a witness to your thought process and the way you work through your feelings. My mantra for today shall be "don't believe everything you feel".

    I gasped when you threw in that last paragraph about your boss. Dang it! He will be in my prayers as well. Sounds like it's the best of a very bad situation.

    Thanks again for your example and friendship.

  4. I really love the "don't believe everything you feel" - dang if that isn't the truth!!!

    So sorry about your boss. Here's hoping the surgery takes care of everything. Sounds like it was just a rough few days overall. :(

  5. It sounds like you've had more than your share of gut-punches lately. I was just reading about colon cancer and how it can take 25-30 years for it to become known. Very glad it was caught early. The article mentioned that to be a very good sign of recovery.
    I meant to say in my last comment that I'm so proud of you for going to that outing where you only knew the hosts. Well done on that one, Roxie. I hope it went well.

  6. Yep, I often wait for the "sanctuary" of my vehicle to allow myself the luxury of a good cry...

    Funny coincidence - I just bought/starting taking the krill oil last month; at over $1/cap I hope it does SOMETHING for me ;-) !


We'll try this for a while.