Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Meanwhile, Back At The Ranch

Meanwhile, life after vacation goes on. I arrived home on Sunday and spent the rest of the day getting settled in. My sister did a wonderful job of watering the place in this horrid heatwave, so everything survived. I haven't seen Jimmie Dale Gilmore since I returned, but I have to assume she is hanging out and staying cool. It is very damned hot and dry here. I shudder to think of what my water bill will be. I did get my first full electric bill and am happy to report that the CSH appears to be quite efficient - of course, this was pre-heat wave.

There were some downsides to the vacation. Talia and her hubby really like to eat - not that there is anything wrong with that - hell, I like to eat, too. Far.too.much. Far.too.often. I did okay the first couple of days, as I got a lot of exercise, but the mid-trip was a face-plant into a pile of either 1. baked goodies or 2. fried stuff. There was a run there where every meal included some form of fried potatoes. After an especially bad day of over-indulgence (day 5, I believe), I just had to cut back, hard. And so I did. I managed a Friday, Saturday and Sunday of "clean" eating, but I am still struggling with quantities.

It is almost like my mind has settled on food to obsess about, now that other things are less in the forefront. As I was pondering this last night, it ocurred to me that I've never been in exactly this position before. I don't really know how to live with just me. I mean, it's exciting, but it's a little strange, too. It's like I don't really know what to do with myself now that I've given up worrying/obsessing about others? As I try to give up "control" of others and let everyone else live without my interference, what do with all this space left in my head?

I feel fortunate not to be experiencing any yearnings to be in a relationship of any sort. I have the opportunity and the skills to create and live a very fulfilling life - no without people, but certainly sans any romantic connection.

I do have an issue with exercise motivation right now and accountability. Not that I was ever accountable to Bick, per se, but at the end of the day, it was always part of the convo - "I did x miles, I went to this class, I did that thing" and I seem to be floundering a bit in that department. I did get up and walk this morning, just as a way to try to re-establish the habit and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I just need to remember that tomorrow.

And I don't talk a lot about weight around here, as my worth and happiness cannot be determined by the scale. That being said, I am moving in a direction that does not make me any happier, so I will attempt to deal with whatever is driving me to want to eat all the damned time.

I am six pounds over my redline and eight pounds over my high mark. And I need to address this using the tools that I have, while not letting the scale numbers determine my day.

So those are the thoughts that are clanging about in my noggin.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Adjustments, not admonishments.

-Roxie
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4 comments:

  1. Oh I just think that food can really be an issue on vacations, especially when you love food (like most of us!). Being gentle and kind and not letting 3 digits rule your world sounds like a perfect plan. Though it must be frustrating you to think about food more than usual, I am glad to hear other things are settling.

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  2. I've read other mentions elsewhere about redlines before, but not a "high mark." I'm curious to learn more about what these mean and how to use them as tools. Care to be the one to enlighten me?

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  3. Been thinking about you lately and your Bic situation. I am currently in the same situation you were in and it is a struggle right now but I will survive this!

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  4. Adjustments, not admonishments.
    Love it!

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We'll try this for a while.