Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Ten Year Anniversary: The gift of Tin
I have been reading OLJs for a long, long time. Almost since they first began, I guess. I am in no way able to compete with the fabulous, real, funny words written by others. This is for me - gor me to chronicle my thoughts as I move through the remainder of my life. Yep, it is downhill for me. I am 40 years old. I may live to be 80, but for the most part, my life is half over. The really great part of that is I get much more of a choice about what happens in the next 40 plus-or-minus, than I did the previous 40. That is something to be grateful for.
This journal is about making choices, choosing to be happy, choosing to be adventurous, choosing to be brave. And oh, how I hate this word- choosing to be empowered.
Yes, I am freckled and fluffy. The freckles are here to stay and I am working on removing a bit of the fluff. I want to be physically able in years to come to hike the Smoky Mountain portion of the Appalachian trail. I want to trek the Cotswold Way. I want to swim with the rays. I want to ride a zipline in Costa Rica.
That's how I opened ten years ago today. I was 40, Pebbles was getting ready to go away to college and I had just celebrated my tenth wedding anniversary, having been together for 15 years.
In the last ten years, the changes have occurred at an almost exponential rate. Pebbles has graduated, married and is pursuing her career path, with some success. My ex-husband has been married now for eight plus years and is presumably happy. And while I won't call what I am happy, I will say that I am more content in my own skin than I've ever been before.
I am still freckled, but most of the fluff has been replaced with sag ;-). But it's better than the alternative - I'm still here and still looking forward to what each day brings. My life is a lot less frentic. I am a lot less resentful and angry. And I've made some serious mistakes. I've made decisions and choices that I now regret. I have harmed myself and others, but I cannot change what was. All I can do now is learn from those mistakes and move forward.
And there has been a good deal of growth. I'm a much more serene - while I'm certainly not the serenity queen, there are stretches where I am able to stay in the present - not writhing over the past, nor worried about the future. I've come to a greater acceptance of myself, freckles, foibles and all.
I still have a vision for my future - the woman that I hope to become - grounded, earthy, fit and passionate with a willingness to laugh at the slightest provocation. I look forward to a life filed love and laughter.
I'm celebrating by listening to my Hall and Oates station on Pandora.
Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. The journey is a-mazing.
Thank you for sharing it with me. I am very grateful.