Sunday, October 23, 2011

Auf Wiedersehen

I’ve been on hiatus - or more accurately, on sabbatical from Gravel and Rust - a working/renewal time. I spent a good amount of time thinking about this blog and what it has meant to me over the past ten years - both good and bad.

I have a series of core beliefs - one of which is that the way people behave, the things they do, are done basically in an attempt to get their needs met. That as humans, we each have a set of needs - for food, shelter and human contact - intimacy, if you will.

Another of my beliefs is that what we focus on grows - if I devote time, energy and effort to something it will grow. Over the years, I’ve spent countless hours blogging on a nearly daily bsis - both in writing mine and reading others. The question becomes: does continuing serve my best interests? Would continuing to invest in this blog make me happier and propel me further down my path?

The idea that blogging may no longer be the best way to meet my needs came from a German univeristy.

A few months ago, I was asked to participate in a research study of bloggers. Of course, I was skeptical, but this one checked out as being legitimate. As I was filling out the questionnaire, I became upset, as I felt the researchers had been less than forthright about what they set out to prove in their research. At some point I stopped answering the questions, as I was highly offended by the nature of the questions. To paraphrase, they were asking leading questions to gather a psychological profile of bloggers as people with few friends, socially awkward (my paraphrase) who used the internet rather than have actual human interactions.

But it did get me to thinking. Did I fit that category? How well rounded an individual am/was I? Did I fit that blogger profile? What was driving my need to blog? What need was I meeting by blogging? For me, it was a combination of things - external affirmation and a need for intimacy, to find and connect with like-minded people - something I seemed to think impossible for me in my real life.

The time has come for me to leave this behind. To concentrate on my 3D life - cultivating friendships and creating real intimacy . I’ve substituted the keyboard for skin far too long. In my year of living authentically, it’s time to move completely into the real world.

I appreciate and thank each one of you for all you have given me.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Act in your own best interest, always.

Wishing you all love, peace and prosperity,

Roxie