Monday, March 5, 2012

If I Had A Hammer

Hammer:  to ride fast in big gears



If I ever had a hammer, I certainly didn't appreciate it.  Man, oh, man.  I took Inez out to the lake yesterday.  I drove Inez out the to lake - I didn't ride out there from The Closet like I used to do on Cha-Cha.  Eighteen months ago, nearing my 50th birthday, I rode Cha-Cha out to the lake, up Heartbreak Hill, around the lake and out of the park and back again for a round trip total of 44 miles.  After hauling Inez out there on the back of MalibuKen, I could only make it halfway up Heartbreak Hill.  I finally just gave up and turned around.  I wasn't going to walk her up the hill.

Fitness does disappear quickly - between the extra ten that I'm packing around and the dropped level of my activity in the recent months, I was astounded at how tough today was.  And not particularly enjoyable.  Oh well.  I hope to pick up some fitness in spin classes and that it will go better next time.


I'm not going to beat myself up over the weight gain and the fitness loss over the last 18 months.  I've had a lot of other stuff going on in my life - the breakup, the house purchase and getting settled in here.  I've been knitting together a new life and grieving the loss of the old one.  And my fitness has suffered.  I haven't been motivated - and I don't know that I am right now.  I do know that I'm enjoying my spin classes and I'm looking forward to some group rides and I have got a couple of those coming up pretty soon.

And to tell on myself:  after Pebbles left last night, I decided that I desperately needed some ice cream.  So I got in the car to go get some.  There was too much of a line at the closest DQ, so I started to another supplier.  I somehow managed to talk myself down from that ledge and drove home empty-handed.  I parked in front of my house, only to remember that I'd forgotten to plug in my cell phone to my car charger (outlet charger is dead).  So in order to charge up the battery in the car phone, I decided to drive FARTHER away to get ice cream, and so I headed out yet again.  Got well away from the house, enroute to pick up some Ben and Jerry's when I was able to talk myself down for the second time in one night.  So I drove home, again, without the ice cream.  And just left my cell phone plugged into the car charger.

Take good care of yourself.  Be kind to others.  Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

-Roxie
146.5

13 comments:

  1. I love how you are being KIND TO YOU.
    You have had so much happening and the fact youre still going, err, spinning is a VICTORY.

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    1. Being kind to me is the only thing that has remotely worked for me. Of course, I tried every other thing for decades before figuring that out ;-)

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  2. Loved this post. You talked yourself down 3 different times. That is remarkable. I won't cry if you don't! It's hard to be alone sometimes, I know.

    Hugs!!

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    1. You know, I was talking to Pebbles about that very thing yesterday and I feel like I've finally turned that corner. It's as though I've finally got enough confidence (today) and have structured a supportive network of friends and family, that I'm just fine as I am. Not feeling the need for a rescue - on either side of that equation - if that makes any sense.

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  3. I went through something similar around the time we bought our house. At the beginning of that year I suffered a running injury that was taking forever to heal and then we suddenly couldn't be leisurely about house hunting because our rental was being sold out from under us. All that stress, both mental and physical combined into a double whammy to my fitness. But you know, as things settled down a bit (and I got some good physical therapy), I slowly started my way back. Hang in there, it sounds like you're right there where the unsettled things are settling and you can concentrate on other things that bring you joy!

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    1. As the saying goes "this too shall pass" the good stuff as well as the bad - and I'll regain some level of fitness. I've been thinking about this a little more - and I completely understand that I need to accept the reality that I will probably never choose to devote that much time to fitness again. That was then, this is now. Can I improve? certainly. I'll try to just smile at how strong I was then.

      And it may come back, who knows?

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  4. HEEHEE - I take my bike to a place to ride... all the time!
    It's a DFW thang!

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    1. It must be - when you want to haul it over here, I know this great hill we can push out bikes up :-)

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  5. Did the same thing regarding fitness. Life popped up, disrupted the routine and I am struggling to back to where I was. It's one thing to be kind to yourself, quite another to enable yourself to fall back into old habits. Looks you've nipped this one in the bud. Thanks for sharing your experience, it lets the rest of us know it's do-able!

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    1. Roxie - I found this reflection beautiful:
      http://mindfulbalance.org/2012/03/05/life-is-informed-by-losses-and-disappointments/

      Not sure whether you need it as much as I needed it today but I thought about sharing.

      Go girl. Get these hammers back! You will do it!

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    2. Brian, as I was telling Helen upstream - if I remember, I was really gung ho about riding and that much riding at this time in my life is unsustainable. I will find a balance between fitness and lifestyle. I'm unwilling to devote that much time to riding when there is wonderful, enjoyable yard work to be done.

      Robin - that was a very good reading - thank you. The great things that I have learned about myself could have only come from the loss and disappointment. If nothing had changed, I wouldn't have changed. I'm just learning to smile because it happened.

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    3. I agree my sister. This is how we grow. And sometimes the faked smile becomes truly real:)So sometimes one needs to fake it. Have a great day:)

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  6. What an amazing day you had! Talking yourself out of ice cream TWICE! That is some awesome will power my friend. I also have those conversations in my head (sometimes out loud to myself) with the round and round, it's a 50/50 on if I cave in or not. :0) Love your closing to not cry but smile because it happened. It's a blessing when we can see situations in that view.

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We'll try this for a while.