Thursday, August 2, 2012

Sideways

Regarding yesterday's fail, I agree with Helen in that there was probably some unresolved stuff that I wasn't aware of.  But I think a big reason (not excuse) that added to the fail was that I was generally pissed off to start with.

Over the past few months, I've been setting boundaries for myself re:  work responsibilities.  Over the years, I'd assumed others' responsibilities and they'd been happy to let me do so.  The stuff wasn't getting done and so I'd step into the void and do it - and that included managing staff.  It finally dawned on me that I was the one who made changes and corrections and generally upset peoples' apple cart, while everyone else got to be the "good guy".  So I've pretty much stopped this.  Letting the chips fall where they may and all that.  When someone comes into my office with a question or an issue that doesn't belong to me, I now respond with "Why don't we go ask XXXX?"  And we go in to that office and I keep my mouth shut.

But I needed some work done in order to do my an important system enhancement and since the other person had a year to do this thing and didn't, I have spent the better part of this week doing the work - and building up a huge resentment.  Again.  And because my part of this is so important, I've lost sleep over it.   So, all of that to say, when this other thing hit, I was irritated and tired and I reacted by doing something that wasn't my business to do and it wasn't very nice on top of that.  It came out sideways with a large side of snark.  My intention wasn't to be mean, but I did not behave like a friend should.    I got a FB message from a friend and I posted it on this blog  You may have seen it, before I came to my senses and pulled it - I know at least one of you did.  It was a highly inappropriate thing for me to do.  I hope to behave better in the future.

9 comments:

  1. Again my dear, welcome to the HUMAN race. Hugs.

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  2. Your honesty and humility really impress me and I know that's a large part of why I so enjoy your blog. I previously commented that I ran afoul of my daughter-In-law via a facebook remark and needed a therapist to help me take the right action. I wasn't a bad person, just someone who stumbled. Kudos to you for wanting to be your best.

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  3. Absolutely agree with Helen and Mary. You will beat yourself up over this and think its the most epic of all Fails because you are such a good person; because you, under normal circumstances, would never consider doing something like this. And because you care about yourself and the way you treat others (as well as the way you react to others). If you were a flippant person you wouldn't give a shit (pardon my language). It's your goodness that has you in knots. Big hugs out to you, sweet Roxie.

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  4. I think I saw it on my reader or at least the first few sentences , but you had actually pulled it already. I remember thinking that your blog was probably hijacked by a complete stranger.

    That was just one more lesson to realize we are not perfect people.

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  5. Stuff happens, and the important thing is that you learn and grow from it. You're doing just fine, Roxie. :)

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  6. I Poke Badgers with Spoons...THAT is funny.

    Have a better day today, Roxie!

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  7. I saw it, understood your pain and was surprised when you pulled it. To me you weren't being unpleasant/nasty, you were relating events that upset YOU. It's your blog, your emotions and feelings. Why should you be sorry and/or apologise? Your friend should have rung you and discussed it beforehand. Not judging her for liking/going away with R but she should have said! That's why we have girlfriends - to be honest. Take care.

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  8. Just have to chime in and "ditto" everything that has been said here. In my mind, you caught yourself in the act of doing something that didn't feel good to you...it wasn't in alignment with who you are. It's not a sign that you're a "bad person," it's a sign that you are AWAKE. And you're aware...and vulnerable.

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    1. I love that "wasn't in alignment with who you are". Absolutely true - and is actually a principle that I apply in other areas of my life, but just didn't have a name for it. Thank you....

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We'll try this for a while.