Friday, September 21, 2012

Spanx For The Memories

The latest casualty in The Menopause Ate My Mind Wars?  My summer spanx.  These were not the heavy artillery but a lightweight shaper that kept my ass from looking like a bag of cats headed for the river when wearing lightweight, flowy pants.  Just kept things "neater"  ya know?  Well, now they have gone missing.  First the cutting board and now my jiggle-be-gones.

And how in the hell does this happen?  I mean seriously - it's not like I've been dropping trou anywhere but at the CSH micro-mansion.  And if there had been the occasion for me to dispense with my drawers on "foreign" territory, well hell, don't think I'd be keeping that a secret.  Wink. Wink. Nudge. Nudge.

Again, I have done a full out pat-down, TSA-approved search of the house and surrounding gardens and they are nowhere to be found.  Sheesh.

This whole forgetting/losing thing is almost driving me crazy.  Take last weekend, Pebbles was over and we were "creating", meaning we were taking one of many trips to Michael Jo Ann's  Lowe Hobby Home.  We had been talking about how the candlestick on each table "still life"  looked unfinished "and wasn't going to have a candle because that was too ordinary" - and as we were walking out of Michael's, I suggested maybe a small birdcage.  She said "Oh, show me!" and we turned around and walked back in.  I told her I couldn't remember exactly where I'd seen them, but they were on the bottom shelf and were $5.99 and we weren't together when I saw them.  And we looked and looked and looked and we couldn't find them.  I was beginning to panic because I was so sure they were there.  Finally, we took a systematic approach and walked together starting in one corner of the store, down and around each aisle and rounder.  And finally, and I do mean finally found them.  I was never so happy to see a damned bird cage!  Oh, and they were on the wedding stuff aisle.  Sheesh.

So speaking of the state of my ass, you may notice that I haven't been posting my weight.  That's because I don't know what it is.  It's been weeks since I've weighed and I haven't missed it.  I've been judging by my clothes (and as ever lifelong dieter knows - I know exactly what I weighed when I bought practically each piece of clothing in my closet).  Linen-ish dress slacks?  Fall of 2008 at 148.  Slacks are loose and baggy in the butt.  Black and white print dress?  Early spring of 2010 at 141.  Dress is fitting as expected.  Vanity size 4 slacks purchased in summer of 2010 at 135.  Even Spanx can't save this.  So, if I were to venture a guess - I'd say I am sitting at 142.  Not ideal, but not bad and the big bonus is that I don't have to "feel" a certain way when I read the scales each day.  BTW, during my recent bout of Doc visits, I just averted my eyes when on the scale.  Easy Peasy.  I'm sure I'll get back to weighing one day, but I'm in no hurry.

Take good care of yourself.  Be kind to others.  Memories, light the corners of my oh-shit-I-used-to-know what went here.



  1. Oh goodness this is my laugh out loud post of the day! Maybe the dryer ate them? Or if they were on a clothesline maybe a bird swooped down and took them?

  2. Agree with Helen - I guffawed my way through this whole post, starting with "kept my ass from looking like a bag of cats..." right to the end. I hate when precious items go MIA (are you SURE you haven't been dropping trou while out and about?). Has happened to me. I didn't know there were lightweight Spanx - that would do me well year round as I tend to run on the warm side. Have a great w/e!

  3. I know - the whole thing I got out of this post was "lightweight Spanx" - I mightcould actually stand to wear them!

    P.S. Sorry you lost your, Spanx.

  4. Hello my dear friend! Sorry I've been away for a bit... I swear we are connected somehow, probably on a spirtual level. ;0) I could relate to just about your entire post! The forgetfulness is beyond horrible right now, quite embarrassing on some accounts. Oh well, I'm human and hopefully it's just a phase and maybe the meds I'm on right now.

    I love your humor, always makes me smile. :) Have a great day!


  5. Hi Roxie
    One word for ya: Prempro. !! Miracle drug :)


    1. Given my medical history, unfortunately I am not a candidate for HRT. So I must soldier on, sans hormones....


  7. Don't go thinking it's all hormonal or menopausal - guys get the same "now where the hell did I put the . . ." more & more frequently too. I'm blaming anesthesia. This didn't happen to me till I had to get cracked open a couple of times.

  8. Heeeeee heeeee....

    I have never found a Spanx product I could stand wearing! I hope you find yours!

  9. Oh darling. You are soldiering on. You are the flippin' General of this outfit since you are going it alone without any drugs. And you are dealing with it beautifully. You may not think so, but trust me, you are.
    Good for you for ditching the scale. I think that's such a good thing to do every so often.
    Hang in there, honey. At least you didn't do something really crazy like oh, I don't know, say....forgot you read someone's blog three on three separate occasions and then commented three times on that post. Poor fictional girl.


We'll try this for a while.