Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Go With Your Gut

pillow from sweet freedom designs
"I can make this work".  On the surface, it sounds pretty good.  Yep, whatever it is, I can make it work for me.  Makes me sound resiliant and flexible and all sorts of good things.  Except "I can make this work" has led ME to make some less-than-optimal choices.  It has led me to accept less than really wanted. It became a way of not valuing my self and it almost every situation, I can remember a time when my "gut", my instinct, my inner self was screaming "No!".  But for whatever reason, I would tell myself that I was over-reacting, that I was too picky, that it wasn't that big of a deal, "that I shouldn't feel that way".  And so I'd wade into whatever, and it always turned out that my gut was right.  But by that time I was already "in" already committed and I would, in fact, make this work.  At least for a time.

So cut to yesterday, and Bachelor #2 (name courtesy of Shelley).  The old fashioned plan worked beautifully.  He did respond to my friend, was interested in meeting me and she forwarded to me his email address, which was three letters (I assumed his initials) and the digits 1949.  Red Flag.  The profile said he was 57.  Turns out, he's 63.  He doesn't look it from his pictures, I mean, he's an avid cyclist and looks great.  His explanation is that he's in great shape and he's been blessed with great genetics and the women his age were "by and large, scary".  So under the heading of will lie when it's convenient to do so, we have Bachelor #2.  Gut says Nope and I am listening.  It feels good to be dealing from an integrated position - where everything - mind, body, spirit are in alignment and I don't have to fight intra-self battles.

Clicking right along, although last night was a bit tough.  I finally had to tell myself just go to bed because it was late and I was in a snacky phase.  It was a physiological deal - I was searching for energy to try to stay awake, as I was exhausted.  I have, however, had to make a couple of decisions because I'm not quite bullet-proof.  I was invited out to dinner last night after a meeting, but based upon where the group wanted to go, there weren't really any good options for me, so I passed.  And I was invited to a potluck and cookie decorating party next Saturday evening with some of my absolute favorite women friends.  I just haven't figured out a strategy to deal with that.  I don't know if there is one that can stand in the face of cookie-making.  I've got a couple of days to figure that one out.  I may have to go "fashionably late".  Right now, I'm acknowledging my weaknesses and trying to steer clear of situations where I'm likely to get off in the weeds.

ETA:  Appropos link.

Take good care of yourself.  Be kind to others.  It's worth repeating - Go With Your Gut.

-Roxie


13 comments:

  1. Oh dear!
    My boss always brings a brisket or other large chunk o' meat
    To all the parties and dinners... she brings it just for me!
    And one other Nurse who does Atkins!
    Cookie making party... wow....just wow!

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  2. Oh yeah. I've been passing up on continuing education opportunities here in the office, simply because there is PIZZA for lunch, and I can't stand down a slice or three of pizza. I just don't have it in me.

    Have a great day!

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  3. Going with your gut is a good thing. While a little lie like knocking a few years off your age doesn't seem so bad on the surface, it does give you pause to what might come later down the road.

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  4. I agree with "Go with your gut". If I had done that 24 years ago I would have never got married and I wouldn't be in the mess I'm in right now. Or, if I had listened to my gut, I would have had my marriage annulled after the first day, as I seriously thought about. Or, in 1994 when he left me for three years for another woman and I filed for divorce twice, if I had gone with with my gut, I wouldn't have suffered through another painful 18 years of marriage.

    Yes, go with your gut is a good way to live. It's taken me a very long time to listen to my instinct, but I think I get it now.

    A man that lies about his age and then puts his year of birth in his email address is not only a liar, but kind of stupid. :)

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    1. Diana - can I just tell you how much I love you ;-) that whole kind of stupid thing hit me as well. Dude.

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  5. I agree with everyone's take on Bachelor #2, but I have to say that Diana's last sentence made me laugh. She nailed it.

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    1. I had the very same reaction - I laughed right out loud right here at work.

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    2. I agree that the "fib" was a totally bone-headed move on his part. Too bad, he might have had other great qualities, but for me, honesty is non-negotiable.

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  6. Totally agree - Diana gets the prize of telling it exactly like it is. Too bad, too. He has a Masters Degree?? Hello! Use that brain, Mister.
    Yes, go with your gut. Either that or, if you were too young to know what that 'gut feeling' was in the past (like me) - then learn from past mistakes. You've got this one, hon. You can see right through bullshit.

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  7. An age group of women is scary? Add arrogant to stupid.

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  8. Yep yep yep to all the comments re #2. I was dating in the early days of the Internet (before fancy match-making sites and being able to post photos, etc.) and the one that always got me was lying about their height. OH!! And one time? I met a guy out somewhere (I was 25 and this was before the Internet) and he was pretty hot. He told me he was 39. I was okay with that. Then, I told a friend of mine about him and she was like, "That's so-and-so's father!" Turned out he was 49. That's why I was so creeped out when he played George Michael's "Father Figure." And he had horrible table manners, too.

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  9. Glad everything is aligned so you could listen to your gut. I struggle with those inner battles too. :0)

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  10. Your work really gives a reason to ponder.
    Keep up the good work

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We'll try this for a while.