Monday, December 10, 2012

What Have You Done For Me Lately?

I've been doing some re-evaluating of friendships and expectations.  Especially with one friend in particular - one that Pebbles calls an "emotional vampire".  Everyone has times (I know I certainly do) when they are more needy than others, but, in balance, well, things balance out.  So the question becomes, what do I do with this friendship that at one time was important to me?

I'm ready to move this person into the "acquaintance" column.  I've looked back at the relationship over the years and there are not a lot of entries into the asset column.  This is a relationship that's definitely in the red for me.  It doesn't mean that I won't be friendly, etc - it just means that I am through "doing".  If it's for "fun and for free" then that's fine - I just need to set that boundary for myself.  Detachment without drama.  No need to announce my new rules - just start enforcing them.  It feels good to get some clarity as the whole deal was causing me some real anxiety (Hello - my name is Roxie and I'm a people-pleaser). 

Weekend was productive - got in a great ride on Saturday and lots of work around the house over the rest of the weekend.  I decided to skip the cookie party and went to see Pl@ying For K33ps" - horribly bad movie - with Marti when she asked.  It was good choice for me - it was showing at one of those dinner and a movie places, but I opted to eat at home before going - again, a good choice for me.  I wasn't even tempted by the popcorn, which is a treat I normally allow myself when in the theatre. 


My three day theory has proven true again - my outlook can certainly change in just three days of righteousness.  Back to it.  Love what Cammy 's graphic said about the phone.  I've also heard it said "Oh my goodness - I've got a flat tire.  Let me just get out and slash the other three".  Same deal. 

Take good care of yourself.  Be kind to others.  Get as good as you give.

-Roxie

8 comments:

  1. Loved the first two paragraphs of your post. I, too had a friend like this. My husband called her the bloodsucker. But she sealed the deal last spring with a totally unfounded note that she MAILED(didn't even have the courage to speak about it) to my house listing all of the things I'd been doing wrong. That was it for me. I chose to practice your "detachment without drama" and ignore the note and her. Which, of course, is driving her nuts. Several months of the "ignore" tactic has worked for me and now there's a freedom which only in retrospect, tells me how uncomfortable I had truly become with the relationship. Should've listened to the hubs a long time ago when he first said, "I don't like who you are after you've spent the day with her." Yikes!! Take care!

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  2. Ugh. I have lived through the cutting of the wire between me and my 'emotional vampire.' I had NO idea how much stress she was putting me under until I ended the friendship. Email me if you need to work through this a bit more. I'd be happy to share - and good for you for knowing that it's time, instead of trying to rebuild something that's obviously gone.

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  3. "Detachment without drama." That may be the most amazing phrase I've heard in a long time. Your whole topic resonates with me, as I have a couple of people in my life who are of the Emotional Vampire ilk and somehow keep me stirred up when I'm with them. Good for you for taking care of yourself.

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  4. You never cease to amaze me. You are thoughtful and doing good things for you. Between the dating thing to the kind of people you have decided to allow into your life. Over the past couple of weeks, you have really made some great YOU choices. Thanks for your example, as always.

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  5. I like the tire analogy better .:)

    "Detach" is my mantra these days.

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  6. Something I've recently learned about boundaries and saying "no" is that they key is to do it understanding that we're not trying to change the other person (or their behavior), we're just changing ours. You've gotten clear changing your people pleasing behavior, that's all. :-) The other person is free to be who she is, as are you.

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  7. I have been the needy friend for long time and I was grateful to those few that stuck it out. It was an episode of neediness that lasted a long time.

    But I do agree that some people are professionals when it comes to getting more than they give. I have found it isn't personal this is just how they have learned to survive in life.

    Some people you only hear from them when they need something and luckily you have caller id.

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  8. I use that TIRE EXAMPLE on myself daily...

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We'll try this for a while.