Gravel and Rust

Where was I?

2009-11-25T09:27:00.003-06:00

There is an interesting phenomenon going on this morning in my office. Of the six of us who were unwise enough not to take the extra day off, four of the women have stories of distraction plaguing them today. One came to work wearing one black and one grey sock. Another has lost her glasses and thinks she may have set them on the top of her car this morning while loading up all the stuff she packs into the office. Another decided she need to clean out her fridge this morning, took it apart, removed the shelves, etc and then couldn't figure out how to get it put back together. The final story comes from a fellow insomniac who has been up since 3:30am, woke her husband up and they went out to breakfast this morning, long before the rest of us were even up. I do think that this happening is both gender and seasonally based. Traditionally, the planning/doing for the holidays falls upon the womens and we are all thinking about something else and are distracted right now.

Which brings up the importance of thoughts. I'm reading Infinite Possibilities, a birthday gift from the lovely Meg, and it talks about the power of thoughts. The basic premise is that what you think is what you become. I do believe that we have that power, just be reframing what we think about. It's a little more than the power of positive thinking, but sure as shooting, if I concentrate on the negatives, then pretty soon, all I see are negatives. That's where I've been recently and it's time to consider all the possibilities.

The thing I loved about yesterday was the little boost I got (via Bick) from the neighbor kid. Evidently my cake brought $80 at the auction on Sunday night. I would not have made so generous a donation in lieu of baking, so this one came out on the positive side for the youth group. Now I wished I'd taken a picture! At the time, I just wanted it OUT OF THE HOUSE!

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Visualize the possibilities.

-Roxie
153.5

Eat A Toad

2009-11-24T08:27:00.002-06:00

I've heard it said if you eat a toad the very first thing each morning, the rest of the day will just get better. It would have to, I think. What I am discovering (and rediscovering, ad naseum) is that the dread I feel about upcoming events, the "awfulizing" that I do, is almost always worse than the actual event(s). So rather than spend time dreading some task, I'm trying to tackle those head on, first thing, and I'm trying not to procrastinate and continue the woe-is-me any longer than necessary.

Obviously, I'm in rather an isolationist phase these days. I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to talk to anyone. I just want to get my stuff done and be left alone. Anything else feels too hard. So I'd been dreading (for a week or more) going to visit my former mother-in-law to order a cake for Pebbles' luncheon. The XMIL was the first person to RSVP that she was attending and asked if she could bring a cake. I thanked her, but told her that Pebbles didn't eat cake anymore. First thing Pebbles asked when I told her Granny would be attending was "Is she building me a cake?". So yesterday I went over to her shop (she's one of the premier cake ladies in these parts) and ordered the non-wedding/only-cake-they'll have cake. We had a lovely visit and she is so excited for Pebbles. I'd been putting this off and it worked out fine.

What I loved about yesterday is the family that chose to be part of Pebbles' life. The "family" that will be attending this luncheon includes: my ex-husband and his wife and his mother - the aforementioned "Granny"; my first husband's (and Pebbles' bio dad) ex-wife who has treated Pebbles like her own, even though she's been divorced from The BioDad for twenty plus years, and Sandy, who is Bick's daughter. I will be the only one in attendence to share actual DNA with the honoree. And it's all good.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. That thing you've been putting off? Do it now.

-Roxie
155.5

In The Weeds

2009-11-23T10:29:00.002-06:00

It is during times like this where I learn/know if I am managing things effectively. It's learning to manage when things are not going your way and learning to navigate your way back from being out in the weeds that is important. And that's where I sort of am. I am in the weeds here. I have let myself think about everything that I need to get accomplished over the next month and I've worked myself into a non-productive frenzy.

For the most part, I've been my own worst enemy here. I've said "Yes" when I should have said "No". Case in point, the cake for charity. I said "Yes", when I should have said, "Let me just make a donation to your fine organization". Instead, I added stressors to my already-stressed self.

Second case in point, in the middle of decorating said cake, I get a call from Bick (who was working) that Sandy got her car towed to police impound (illegal parking) in Dallas the night before. He didn't ask and she didn't ask, but I just jumped in and offered to fix this. Five and a half hours later, I am back at home and I still have a cake to decorate.

And I don't see a lot of relief in sight. While I am really looking forward to attending the A&M/UT at Kyle field on Thursday(it's a Bucket List thing for me), I'm not looking forward to going on to Houston on Friday where I expect me to cook for Bick's family - which means shopping at stores I don't frequent and cooking in a kitchen that is not mine. All day long. I need to get this negotiated with Bick. I do this because I love him and because he loves his momma and wants to share a sit down/at home meal with his family. Being "on" for two days just feels exhausting to me right now.

I'm also doing some grown-up stuff too - I am "getting my affairs" in order. I've met with an attorney to draw up wills, POA, living will, medical directives, etc. I'm pulling together all my life's paperwork to put together all sorts of plans for the future. No, nothing bad has happened, but it's just time to get all the financial, retirement, and other issues planned for. And that is adding to the stress, as well.

Eating obviously hasn't been good. Exercise has been pretty non-existent. I left the Jesus Gym on Saturday morning after only a few minutes because this woman was espousing her very intolerant views very loudly for all to hear and because my iPod had run out of juice. And I have got to find a way to deal with life without falling apart. These things aren't bad - they are good and I am not staying in the moment enough to enjoy it. I must narrow my focus, take care of what I can take care of today and let tomorrow take care of itself. I am being my own worst enemy here and allowing my "awfulizing" to get me whipped up into an axiety-laden frenzy.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Learn to say "NO".

-Roxie
158.5

Baked Eyeglasses

2009-11-20T08:59:00.003-06:00

I chose to spend part of last Saturday with Pebbles, so I didn't get my cake baking done. I woke up early on Thursday morning and went ahead and fixed the split-pea soup we were going to have for dinner in the morning so I would have my evening free for baking. So last night I was baking the cake for my neighbor's church youth fund raiser. I mixed it up and put it in the preheated oven.

I went on about my business, tidying up the kitchen and went on to review the recipe for marshmallow fondant to make sure I got the supplies necessary for Saturday's decorating. Except I can't find my read the recipe. I pat down my chest (my version of the self-breast exam for the old and near-sighted) looking for my glasses. I tend to tuck them into my cleavage. I cannot find my glasses. Luckily, a bell goes off inside my head and I recall hearing a sound when placing my cakes in the oven. Yep, there they were - my kitchen glasses - a cheap set of readers right there on the oven rack, just beginning to look like a Salvador Dali painting. I'm nothing if not avant-gard.

The thing I loved about yesterday was a surprise breakfast with Pebbles. She was driving through my work town about the same time I was heading in from Reata North. It was a treat to get to visit with her for a half an hour or so as she was making her way out to view her bank project out West.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Keep you eye on the prize.

-Roxie

What Hump?

2009-11-19T09:23:00.003-06:00

Yesterday at lunch, I had the unexpected pleasure of crawling on the Elliptical of Doom just as Young Frankenstein was coming on AMC. It's been years since I'd seen it and I'd forgotten just how much I adore Terri Garr. I know she's now facing health challenges and I hope she is doing well. And it goes without saying that Madeline Kahn was one of the funniest and finest comedic actresses that ever lived.

As for the apple-a-night experiment: Long-time readers know of my sleep challenges. I've been through a couple of sleep studies, been diagnosed with restless leg syndrome and have been cursed with night sweats for a decade. Going to sleep has never been an issue; being unable to stay asleep all night is the bane of my existence. My anxiety most often manifests itself as disordered sleep. That's the backstory. I've complained to my doctor about the night sweats that I assumed were menopausal, but my hormone levels don't show me as having reached that stage, yet. (Remember, I've had a hysterectomy). I've tried melatonin, the OTC natural black cohosh stuff, Ambien, Lunesta, OTC sleep aids with no real good outcomes. I have regular checkups, etc, complete with blood work - but I'm wondering if I'm not at least a bit hypoglycemic.

Night sweats, restless sleep, night terrors are all listed as symptoms of the illness. Considering the fact that 99% of the time, I follow a pretty low glycemic-index diet - low carb - I'm wondering if my blood sugars test as normal, but somehow aren't? Anyway, anecdotally, I tend to sleep better and longer if I 1. eat too many carbs or 2. eat later in the night. So right now I'm experimenting with eating an apple right before I go to bed to see if helps me get better sleep ie not being awakened by the night sweats. Plus, I'm digestively-challenged as well, so a bit of extra fiber couldn't hurt. It's still an ongoing experiment. I didn't have night sweats last night, but I've been awake and up since 3:49am.

The thing I loved about yesterday was last night's yoga class at the hippy dippy Yoga Yurt. As usual, Sandy met me there and we had yet another instructor, but I learn something different from each. Yoga is both a very simple and a complex practice that encompasses the mind, body and spirit. Each instructor emphasizes something a bit different. Last night's instructor really concentrated on breathing, which for me, is the most important aspect. And for what it's worth, I didn't like yoga the first few times I tried it. I didn't "get it" and didn't feel I could do it "right". I spent a lot of time thinking and worrying about what others are doing in the class and I now know that no one gives a rip about what I am doing. Most everyone else is there to work on their own practice. If it's done right and with the right spirit, yoga is neither a competitive nor a spectator sport.

ETA: I stand corrected.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Get over the Hump.

-Roxie

Accidently Averted

2009-11-18T07:50:00.003-06:00

As if I needed more proof that I live inside my head far too much. This morning, as I was walking out to get into Malibu Ken to make my way to The Happiest Place on Earth for work, I was writing this blog post in my head. I was happily congratulating myself on all the good things I'd done yesterday in the self-care department as I was backing out of the driveway. I stopped dead cold when I noticed Sandy's car right beside mine. I'd backed down half the driveway and didn't even notice Sandy's car. I KNEW she stayed with us. I was there when Bick asked her to move her car, to back farther down the driveway and to pick a side (not park in the middle). But did I even notice her car in the darkness this morning? Nope. Even though I knew she was with us, as I was being extra quiet not to wake her up. It was just a wonder that I didn't back right into her. If she'd have parked even a little to the left, I'd have hit her because I was EVEN with her car before I even noticed it. I back out using the driver's side mirror and luckily, I hug the left side of the driveway. As it was, it was far too close for comfort! What a way to get one's adrenaline pumping! Whew!

What I loved about yesterdayis a long list: 1. I got up and got centered with some yoga and meditation 2. Made myself an egg-white omelet 3. Went to yoga at lunch 4. Very productive work day 5. Fixed a yummy dinner for Bick and Sandy (shrimp scampi - on pasta for them, on fresh-from-my-garden sauteed spinach for me 6. Ate my before-bed apple in an attempt to aleviate night sweats (more on this later). 7. Got a good night's rest.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Be grateful when you catch a break.

-Roxie

Soft Kitty

2009-11-17T07:43:00.002-06:00

Yesterday started off with a BANG. More of a thud, actually. I got a morning visit from a VP. Never a good thing. The issue wasn't mine, but someone else in the organization sure tried to paint it that way. It all turned out okay, but boy did it ratchet me up in a BIG way. I worked though lunch, so no exercise, which was a mistake. So today, I will do things differently and I'm off to a much better start.

Following Dana's lead from yesterday, I'm setting my intention today to remain cool, calm and collected come what may. I will also go to yoga at lunch. Yes, I do have an enormous amount of work to get accomplished between now and year-end, but scrimping on self-care will NOT get me where I need to be.

I've fallen into a habit of reading email, blogs, etc very first thing in the morning at the expense of yoga and meditation. That stops now. Or rather, it stopped this morning. I got up and I got centered. First things first. Email isn't an emergency.

The thing I loved about yesterday was Bick. I'm sure he's tired of dealing with me and my problems, but he's not showing it. He was incredibly supportive last night during dinner prep. Our routine is to hang out in the kitchen and talk while I'm fixing dinner (he'll jump in and assist if necessary). Last night, we did just that, talking and prepping dinner until time for The Big Bang. We don't watch a lot of tv, but this show is my favorite, so I do make sure I can watch it. Oh, and I did secure a promise from Bick to sing me "Soft Kitty" next time I'm sick. Almost makes me wish for more sniffles!

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Self-care is not selfish.

-Roxie

Single File Restart

2009-11-16T09:38:00.003-06:00

I've been floundering a good bit and it's beginning to take it's toll on my sense of well-being. I've not been doing the "good for me things" with any sort of consistency. So it is with lovingkindness and gentleness that I am, with over half of the 100 day challenge already spent, putting myself back on the straight and narrow. I'm facing a tough run of things between now and the end of the year - a lot to get done in my professional life, my personal life and in the care and feeding of my ownself. I've let taking care of me fall down in my priority list. It's late in the race and it's time for a single-file restart.

The thing I loved about yesterday was spending some time reading for pleasure. I forget how much I enjoy reading and let my days fill up with activities that I don't enjoy nearly as much.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Restart as many times as needed.

-Roxie

Feeling At Home

2009-11-15T07:28:00.002-06:00

Pebbles called yesterday morning and wanted me to come to Dallas. Slater is in California visiting friends and then goes to North Carolina for a week on business. He and Pebbles are looking for a place to rent together. Right now, they are both trying to get their respective homes re-let. Pebbles is on the hunt for a new place. And given the fact that I love looking at houses, homes and hovels, I was totally in. So I nosed Malibu Ken towards Big D to spend the day with my kid.

I think Slater is one smart dude. Letting her pick out the place is a wise idea. She has very specific likes and dislikes and places that seem perfectly fine to me, she would dismiss right out of hand. But still, as long as I didn't have a horse in that race and we weren't on a time schedule, it was interesting to go through some of Dallas' neighborhoods. She is not interested in a traditional apartment complex - instead she was looking solely at lofts and building renovation/conversions. So we say some very interesting places. But she fell in love with one. Said she knew it when she walked in. It was lovely and quirky and interesting. No boring beigy stuff for my kid. Now she just has to wait until she gets the sign off on her sublet on Monday and she can sign the lease for the new place.

I made the choice to go to Dallas, so no exercise, no grocery shopping, no cake baking. I did, however, put together a menu for the week and a grocery list. So pretty soon, it's off to the store. Jesus Gym is closed today, natch, so I think today's exercise will be a home DVD, which is fine, since Bick isn't home.

Eating yesterday was, well, not my finest hour.

The thing I loved about yesterday was all of it. It's been a long time since I had the luxury of spending the whole day with Pebbles. Plus I did sneak in a bit of shoe shopping since I was with my shoe consultant. Shoes are here. Love them!

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Home is where the shoes are.

-Roxie

Hot 100 Update: Grade MIA

2009-11-13T12:16:00.003-06:00

Eating has been clean, but the body is still feeling the effects of illness and travel. No exercise, but I hope to remedy that situation tomorrow. No spending on the wedding. That my change this week.

I have not weighed.

Plans for the weekend include baking a cake! Danger***Danger****Danger

My 15 year old neighbor asked me to bake a cake for the youth fundraiser at his church. How in the world can one say no to that? Well, if I'd thought about it, I should have just donated some money, but I think he wants to bring one of my "fancy cakes" to church. So while Bick is in Kansas this weekend, I'll break out the old pans and mix up some fondant. I'm thinking of something lemony in the manner of this cake....

The thing I loved about yesterday was seeing my daughter's ability to handle family drama surrounding her upcoming wedding events with grace and aplomb. My family sent their regrets in response to the invitation to the luncheon I am hosting. Pebbles cried a bit, but by the end of the day, she'd managed to take an alternative action that will bring her happiness. And I did find a place to use that airline voucher I picked up earlier in the week. We are flying in her best friend from Connecticut to attend. This was supposed to be a "family only" thing, but since about half of the family is opting out, Bailey is coming in to join us. And there I was, with a free ticket in my purse. Things have a way of working out. While I hate it that this happened, I'm very happy that Pebbles can both acknowledge her hurt and move the hell on.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. There is more than one path to happiness.

-Roxie

With This Ring

2009-11-12T11:42:00.004-06:00

Here's a picture of Pebbles' ring.....

C is for Covered Up

2009-11-12T08:44:00.003-06:00

I'm home and I'm feeling a bit better, but now I'm covered up in work. I'll try to catch up on all things, in bloggerworld and in my real world.

The thing I loved about yesterday was my lovely daughter meeting me at the airport yesterday and taking us to a juice bar for a little visit. I got to see her crazy, unique engagement/wedding ring and enjoy her company for an hour or so. It was a lovely surprise and great to see her. It felt like ages since I'd seen her. Plus, I took a bump yesterday and essentially scored a free airline ticket. Now to find the time to use it. Anyway, I'm glad to be home.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Don't get covered up.

-Roxie

H is for Hacking Cough

2009-11-10T07:05:00.001-06:00

I'm in the plains of west Texas, complete with my hacking cough. I've survived the worst of the conference, with only one more command performance this afternoon. Tomorrow afternoon, I get to go home. Thankfully.

S is For Sinuses

2009-11-08T07:17:00.002-06:00

Again with the ouchy! Or drippy or some other malady. And I have to fly out this afternoon for a four day work conference. So I've tucked my neti pot and a ziploc with salt in my suitcase and hope to get the bag of white powder through airport security! Looks like last week's headache was a harbinger of things to come.

This will be a tough slog - I've got to be "on" a lot at this meeting and I just want to stay home in my comfy cozy robe and drink tea. Oh, well. Can't be helped. I'll just try to make the best of it. Making the best of it yesterday involved ice cream, which I keep forgetting makes me feel ill. A touch of lactose intolerance, I suppose. But did it stop me? No. Don't expect to feel like running the 5k race on Tuesday. I'll do well to participate at all.

I've got more packing to do, so I'm out for now. Don't know if I will get a chance to update while I'm away.

The thing I loved about yesterday is Pebbles' relationship with the ex-Bubba. The Ex-Bubba isn't her dad. Her dad was my first husband and he's pretty much been absent, by his own choice, from her life. She hasn't heard from him in several years. In spite of our differences and in spite of the difficulties during Pebbles' teenaged years, Ex-Bubba always loved her and he still does. I was concerned that after our divorce that they would drift away, but they have managed to continue to have a relationship that doesn't have me at the fulcrum. Pebbles took Slater to meet him yesterday and she reported they had a lovely time. I felt sure they would all get along. Slater possesses a good many of the Ex-Bubba's good qualities.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Stay healthy.

-Roxie

Hot 100 Update: Grade C-

2009-11-06T09:50:00.005-06:00

1. Exercise 5 days. Grade F. I think I've had two sessions this week. I will do my best to get in 2 more sessions, but I leave for a business trip on Sunday.
2. Wedding spending. Grade A. See below for the cutest thing in whole history of Cute.
3. 155/CW?/ 145. Grade C-. I haven't weighed in a few days. Eating has been on target, but exercise hasn't been there.

The think I loved about yesterday is this: This is the top that I ordered for the non-existent baked good. I love it so much I could eat it with a spoon.

Headache is gone, thankfully and is replaced by that weird space where the headache used to be. Headache sufferers will understand. I need to write about Sandy and my interesting experience with a substitute yoga instructor at Hippy-Dippy Yoga Studio. But for now, I've got stuff to get done.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Play with Play Doh.

-Roxie

H is For Headache

2009-11-05T10:16:00.001-06:00

Ouchy! This sucker won't budge. It's a "no sound, no light, sleep it off" kinda deal.

Visions and Values: Thinking About A Life

2009-11-04T05:36:00.004-06:00

Picture the Flux-Capacitor. I've spent the past couple of days trying to put words, descriptors to the life I want for myself. Defining and refining my goals. I'm taking some time to make sure that my goals mix well together - that they are authentic. I think it's important to articulate what you want and how you want to be. I think having that vision for oneself allows one to take advantage of the opportunities that are presented. And yes, there are health and fitness goals in there, but life involves much more than a number on a scale. There are spiritual, relationship, physical surroundings and financial elements in the mix as well.

It's that mix of things that must be in balance, that must all groove with a guiding set of principles. My life principles are simple, at least I want them to be. I function much better when there are fewer things to worry about. As a generalized anxiety sufferer, the fewer things there are to worry about, well, the fewer things there are to worry about. It's making sure that everything is moving in the same direction that's important.

Take the frugality versus health decision. Traditionally, this has been a tough decision for me. I'm frugal by nature - or let me say - I want an appropriate value for my money. I hate waste. That being said, I know that clutter isn't good for me. It makes me antsy and robs me of peacefulness. So it comes that I can't indulge my love for table linens and dishes, for example, because really that just increases my unease in the long-term. But it sure is fun in the short-term.

I'm not making my point very well this morning. Basically, I just want to make sure that the actions I'm taking are consistent with my views and long-term goals. That my goals and actions are not in conflict with one another.

The thing I loved about yesterday is beginning to sound like a broken record. The weather here is just spectacular. Really wonderful. Just being outside as much as possible, whenever possible is such a soul-comforting activity. Being outside does wonderful things for my insides.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Define your vision.

-Roxie
151.5

ETA: Thought for the day : Progress has little to do with speed, but much to do with direction.

T is for Trot

2009-11-03T11:55:00.002-06:00

The thing that I loved about yesterday was the short run I took outside in near perfect weather during my lunch hour. I ran a rather hilly mile and I walked some. I didn't have a lot of time, but it was great to blow the soot out of my lungs.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Knock off the rust.

-Roxie
151.5

Ready, Set, Monday!

2009-11-02T08:20:00.003-06:00

Are you ready for Monday? I am. I feel like I'm getting my mojo back. I'm a skirtful of sass this morning, ready to Get Stuff Done! What a relief!

We had a wonderful weekend - it was both productive and lazy, if that makes any sense. The perfect balance. A rarity, for sure. The weather was picture perfect, after having the 6th wettest October in the history of ever. A little sunshine and very little wind made it wonderful to be outside.

I did get a disturbing phone call on Sunday morning. Evidently Pebbles was injured in a freak Halloween party accident. They had just arrived and she was putting their refreshments in the fridge. When she opened the door, another party-goer's refreshment fell out on and on her foot, slicing it open. Rest of the evening spent in the ER getting stitched up. I had to take the "Mom tone" with her this morning to get her to call an ortho, after she complained of a droopy digit. Tendon damage, likely. I am hopeful she will get this taken care of or I may be required to go full-on frontal Momness on her 26 year-old butt.

My workout plan today involves running one mile at lunch. It's been a while. We'll see how I do. I have not made any menu plans for the week, so I need to get a little something down on paper - but I think it will be the most basic - something grilled and something green.

What I loved about yesterday: Yesterday was just a lovely day. I got a few things done - made Bick some more bath salts, picked up the house a bit, watched me some NASCAR 'Dega, baby, and made some Italian bread soup for dinner (no bread in mine). Just felt right and in tune.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Ride the wave.

-Roxie
150

Survivor: Halloween at Hillbilly Haven

2009-11-01T06:34:00.004-06:00

I survived Halloween! Nary a morsel of the chocolate Kryptonite passed my lips. It was a gorgeous day yesterday, but I waited until the ghosts and goblins were almost at my door before making the mad dash into town to buy candy. No use having temptation around too long! We had maybe a dozen or so treaters and still have some candy left over, but as soon as it's possible, I'm sending Bick over to the neighbor's with the remainder. They have two human disposals over there - two teen-aged boys.

What I loved about yesterday: What I loved about yesterday was a phone visit with a friend in NJ describing her 6 year old son's Halloween adventures. I do hate the phone, but I need to use it more. I'm such a hermit!

Actually my phone avoidance ties in to my belief (serious truth here) that sometimes I am invisible. Well, not really invisible, but just like a baby, if-I-can't-see-you-then-you-can't-see-me thinking. I know that sounds bat-shit crazy, but for the longest time, I would be out in public and convince myself that the people I saw and recognized somehow didn't see me. Obviously, a old self-esteem issue that morphed into more habit than anything else. Time to break that one too.

Today's plans include a trip to Home Depot (natch - wouldn't be the weekend without at least one). Plus a trip to the hunting and fishing aisle at the megastore - Bick has been losing the war with the birds roosting in his beloved car pavillion - our cars get covered with bird poop. His solutions, involving bird spikes, rubber snakes, a bobble headed owl and plywood, have proven unsuccessful. It's time for me to step up. My solution involves brads and fishing line. Malibu Ken is tired of looking like a statue in an Italian piazza.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Stand up. Stand out. Be seen.

-Roxie
149.5

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-31T14:21:00.005-05:00

I would be lying if I said I was looking forward to yesterday. Mom had canceled her birthday lunch plans due to a scheduling conflict with my sister. I woke up yesterday morning and decided I still needed to pursue having lunch, even if my sister or Pebbles couldn't attend. I sent an email around 5 am and followed up with a phone call around 10 am that went to voice mail. So I just went ahead with my day. I got a call around 2:30 asking me if I'd already had lunch. I lied and said no. My sister was somehow now available and so I met her and my Mom for lunch. We had a lovely time. It always amazes me how she can just rip me up one side and down the other and the next day act like it never happened. As Bick noted later, he seen this pattern with her and me. (Is that right?) She will completely go off on me and I will be tore up for days and it never phases her, at least outwardly. I guess it's like many other behaviors, including her compulsive spending and hoarding - it doesn't bother her, but it tears me up. Obviously more boundary-work and skin-thickening that needs to happen on my part. Still, it was a good day. I do want a good and pleasant relationship and I just need to detach from the unhealthy parts of it. She seems to over the whole estate thing. She asked me if I'd received my part and I said I had not. She said she hadn't either. I asked for copies of some of the supporting documents that she has that I will need for my records/taxes and she seemed happy to comply. One day at a time.

What I loved about yesterday: There was lots of victories yesterday. First and foremost, what's described above. Plus, the fact that I ate two lunches or rather my lunch and then my dinner at 3pm. So that left a long time to go until bedtime - especially when Bick had volunteered to provide lunches for some community volunteers today. So that meant going home and baking cookies, fixing dinner for him and bringing croissants into the house. Thoughtful man that he is, he offered to bake off the cookies and I managed to steer clear!

Had a good session at the gym today. Am thinking about how it would feel to start running again. I'm just mulling it over. Not my old distances, as they just beat my body up to badly, but a 5k a couple of times a week might be doable. I'm actually signed up for a 5k within the next couple of weeks, but I never intended to really run it. We'll see.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Do the next right thing.

-Roxie
150.5

picture 1970 Halloween party. I'm the culturally insensitive native American in a costume my Mom made from a feed sack. She's the cat lady.

Hot 100 Update: Grade B+

2009-10-30T10:25:00.003-05:00

1. Exercise 5 days a week. Grade B. I'm doing okay here, missed one, got in an extra. I could stand to up the intensity.

2. Keep wedding spending in check. Grade A. I'm talking myself off a ledge I'd talked myself onto last week. Too many grand ideas that take up too much time and money that could be better spent elsewhere. Pebbles and Slater would enjoy the couple of extra bucks to spend on their honeymoon, so I'm throttling back here.

3. 155/145/150.5. Grade A. Been eating really clean and finally getting some reward for it.

What I loved about yesterday: I wore my skinny-styled black jeans to work yesterday (the high school reunion jeans that went unworn). I felt really good in them. I also loved that I was very mindful of my eating yesterday. I ate very slowly and savored every bite. We were enjoying a calorically-dense meal and I wanted to sustain my losing ways, so I knew I would need to watch my portion size carefully. By doing so, I was able to enjoy and be satisfied with a smaller portion rather than my usual - wolfing it down like a starving, well, wolf.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Don't be hungry like the wolf.

-Roxie
150.5

On the Mat

2009-10-29T07:53:00.003-05:00

Today's class is restorative yoga. It's like naptime for adults. My favorite hour of the week. Not much else happening - I feel like I'm getting back into my groove, a bit. Mom's birthday luncheon plans have been postponed. Looks like my sister can't make it. So we'll reschedule sometime in the future.

I'm having to sit on my hands not to book a trip somewhere with the airfare wars going on here in Dallas. I've got MAJOR work projects that will keep me tethered pretty close to home for the next nine months, so other than PR, no go for me - other than perhaps a long weekend spent here in the state. The assignment is a plum for me, but it comes with heavy responsibility and exposure. So I will need to keep on top of it and not let it overwhelm me. The last time I did something like this was about three years ago and it completely derailed my running. I went from completing a ten miler to practically not exercising at all in the span of about three months. And my profile this time through is much higher.

What I Loved About Yesterday: What I loved about yesterday is the same thing that I love about today. Yoga. Sandy and I attended a beginning yoga class last night and it was wonderful. It's been my experience that there are two types of yoga studios - new-agey and old hippy. Last night's was old hippy. Studio in a college town with a class of old and young. I wasn't the oldest and there were other college-aged women in the class as well. It was Sandy's first yoga class. Her only other exposure was to a DVD that she just bought last week. She said she loved the class and wants to come back next week. So looks like I've got a plan for Wednesday nights, barring interference from her new job.

This Wednesday night thing might just be the kick start to succeeding in my Hot 100 goals. Extra exercise, plus there's no time for dinner! I don't like to practice on a full stomach, so I ate my usual boiled egg right before leaving the office. I had a bit of really good manchego cheese at the house when I was rushing through to change clothes. I threw an apple into my bag for after class and it was 9:30 by the time I got home. I didn't want to eat that late, so I just bathed and went to bed. The scale was happy with me this morning.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Shake up your routine.

-Roxie
151

Approaching Normal

2009-10-28T11:45:00.004-05:00

I feel like I am returning to normal. I am hosting a birthday luncheon for my Mom on Friday. It's just me, Pebbles, my sister and my Mom. It is my sincere wish to have a relationship that doesn't include financial enmeshment. We'll see how it goes. I'm donning Teflon and will hope for the best.

What I loved about yesterday was a lovely dinner with Sandy. She surprised us by wanting to come over and we had a nice meal. She has a doctor's appointment today to discuss her possible depression. And this evening, she and I are taking a yoga class together. Bonus workout! I remain optimistic.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Act as if.

-Roxie
153

pic is of a bouquet that Pebbles likes. I'm seeing a bit of a disconnect here. She says she wants us just to find a market (not a florist) and buy whatever is available and that I shall tie her a very casual bouquet. What she keeps sending me are bouquets made from exotic flowers. Now I've never been to PR, and maybe these flowers are available on every corner, but I think I need to work on managing her expectations. Or else have her order her flowers from a florist there.

Stuck in Traffic

2009-10-27T08:48:00.002-05:00

I spent 4 hours of my day yesterday in traffic. Two hours in and two hours out. That, plus a communication error with Bick lead to dinner at 8:30. Too late and too hungry. Due to my late arrival at work, I worked through lunch on a necessary project. So much for my routine. It was out the door yesterday. Today will be better.

What I loved about yesterday!

What I loved about yesterday is two-fold. Looks like Sandy may have a job. I certainly hope so. It would do her a world of good. And the simple thing I loved about yesterday was pomegranates. I ate my first one ever. I really liked it (until it proved too acidic for my empty-tummy). But I won't hold it against the pom.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Don't get too hungry.

-Roxie
154