Monday, May 25, 2015

Texas Flood and Frizz

My long holiday weekend trip/bike/ride fun time with my friends good rained  flooded out this weekend.  We were scheduled to ride in the wildlife refuge up in OK - had a cabin rented for the long weekend along a beautiful creek.  Yea, you can guess how that went.  Luckily, we canceled before leaving town.  A few other folks didn't and are still stranded up there, as the water's three feet high and risin' and the road's warshed out.  So there is that.

I have completely given up on my hair and am just spritzing it with water and just letting that mf curl.  I cut off the bottoms of some old t-shirts and I now have broad headbands of nearly every color and I am just letting my freak curl fly.  Jeez, I'd forgotten how curly my hair actually is.  The good news is that it is so much happier just having some conditioning product left in it and just being curly.  So at least for this long weekend, my hair has had a very nice vacation.

And in other good news, I'm sleeping.  Real hours.  Like normal people.  Don't know if it's the rain, the cooler temps or the new meds, but I'll take it.

Take good care of yourself.  Be kind to others.  Be natural.

-Roxie

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

I Came Home with a Brand New Plan

No, nothing illicit, but a hillbilly standoff with my now-former doctor over my test results and her insistance that everything was normal, led me to a new doctor and a brand new plan.  The deal went something like this - "your test results (t4) are within normal range".  "But my resting metabolic rate is 22.79 percent below normal".  Repeat about four times.  "You are not treating me, you are merely looking at a chart.  You are not looking at the evidence I'm presenting, the symptoms I am presenting.  You are not providing ME with care.  As of right now, you are no longer my doctor and I am leaving this practice."  "Would you consider seeing another doctor in the practice?  He has a lot more experience treating patients with thyroid disorder."  "Yes, if I can see him right now."

So I was moved to another exam room around the corner and waited for about ten minutes for the doctor to come in.  He came in, introduced himself, sat down to look through my records because this is the SAME.FUCKING.PRACTICE I've been coming to for TWENTY FUCKING YEARS - the same amount of time I've been exhibiting and complaining about my low thyroid.  He told me that the treatment protocol that I was on was doing nothing for me.  While my t4 showed normal, my t3 was practically non-existant.  He looked through my records and commented that my history was a commentary on what med schools were teaching re:  thyroid.  Just treat the presenting symptom, treat to a chart and don't delve into an underlying cause.  More stuff was said confirming what I felt to be true and I just burst into a big old can't-talk-can't-breathe ugly cry.

He said we were going to start off with this new plan and it may require some tweaking along the way, we could do A, we could add B, might have to supplement with some C.  He promised me that he treats the patient and how they feel, rather than what a chart defines as normal.

None of this may work, but it does help knowing that someone is actually listening to me and believes what I'm telling them.

Take good care of yourself.  Be kind (but firm and direct) with others.  Be your own advocate.

-Roxie

Friday, May 15, 2015

The Margins Are Slim

Mother's Day Brunch Table
I'm still doing well breaking my (diet) coke habit.  I'm down to one a day, if I go to the gym.  I down to one cup of coffee, as well.  I have managed to do a good job boosting the water intake, surprisingly enough - at least this week.  I don't do as well on the weekends.

I'm still working with a personal trainer that specializes in metabolic crap - putting together some on-my-own routines.  Part of my problem is that my muscles are so tight and I am so unflexible and that's before we even get to the strength/HIIT part of this.  And I'm going to have to leave Valerie behind, I guess.  I need a more intense workout that I am getting when meeting her at the gym.  I'll just have to figure out something.  I've added back lunchtime strength and stretching sessions, so that's something.

And the scale really isn't budging.  Oh, it bounces around but nothing in a consistant downward direction.  And this on 1350 calories, plus exercise.  So I'm still trying to do everything I can to nudge up the metabolism and build up the engine.  I've started running intervals again and I'm not hurting, so that's good.
All in all, I shouldn't complain.  It is what it is and I can just keep moving forward and doing what I can.

Take good care of yourself.  Be kind to others.  Every little bit helps.

-Roxie

Thursday, April 23, 2015

The Battle of Hastings

That number there?  That's my resting metabolic rate.  I had it tested using an indirect calorimeter VO2 machine. Almost 23 percent below average for my gender/age/etc.  It certainly explains why the scale is stubbornly hanging on to the weight gain from the hell year 2013.

The tech said I needed to up my exercise game - that my body had become too efficient at the type of exercises I am doing and I needed to change things up.  She also recommended I get a different PCP/endocrinologist.

On one hand, I do feel validated, as I've always known that those calculators that say I could have 1700 calories were full of shit.  I can barely exercise enough on a weekend day to consume that many calories.  And I am unwilling to go below 1300.  I've been averaging about 1330 and the scale won't budge - even with four trips to the gym a week and a bike ride on the weekend, weather permitting.

Right now, I'm at the outer bounds of my weight limit.  I'm still maintaining the 100 pound loss, but barely.  And I'd only like to lose 8 pounds but I have to scratch and claw to lose a half pound, so the real fear is how do I keep from keeping on gaining.

Stupid thyroid.  So I'm recalibrating everything to try to tweak up the metabolic rate because with margins so close, every little bit helps - or at least I hope it does.

Take good care of yourself.  Be kind to others.  Pick your battles.

-Roxie

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Little Blue Pill

My big productive plans for Sunday were dashed when I took my sleeping pill instead of my thyroid meds.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Standing Tall



The weekend with the (non-cycling) girls was very fun.  Too much food, too much wine and too much Cards Against Humanity.  I'm still recovering from all of it, I think.

Just got my raise letter for the year.  I am so grateful.  My boss really went to bat for me.  A very nice thing to do on his way out the door. 

I've been in/on/beside my standing desk for about a month and am really loving it.  It makes such a difference in my energy level at work, which is a nice unintended consequence.  Leads to much more collaboration, etc.  Who knew? 

Haven't completed killed the Diet Coke habit, but it's down to one or two a day.  Far cry from what it used to be.  Water consumption is way, way up.  That's good.

And in an interesting turn of events, I'm attending a lecture tonight with Professor X.  And I'm sort of over it. 

Take good care of yourself.  Be kind to others.  Stand tall.

-Roxie

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Bruised Something

Well, that certainly didn't go as planned.  I was actually really excited about going to training, both for the opportunities to practice being social and to learn a new skillset that I need for work.  Turned out, it was like a flashback to grad school in the quantitative classes - me being the only non-engineer person in the room.  Here, I was the only non-developer in the room.  With an instructor who was teaching his first class, after becoming certified in March and graduating from college in December.  Boy, I sound "hey kid, get off my lawn" and I feel old and fucking stupid after that.  And I get to go in and do it again today.  I don't know how much was poorly taught, how much was me being the only beginner in a fundamentals class with a group of developers who had been using the product for several months and how much was me not being as sharp as I used to be and unable to pick things up as quickly as I once did.  But goddamn, it does gets old and humiliating to have to stop the class and ask questions. To be that woman. I do not handle frustration very well.

And the thing is, I do need these skills but I don't know how to get them.  At least not this way - and I don't know how to complain. I have been in a multitude of training classes over the years and this one is the worst, but without raking this man over the coals, I think I'd like a do-over with a different instructor.  Trouble is, the training isn't available again for months.

So my ego is bruised.  And last evening was one of those times where it would have been nice to have someone help repair my frustrated self.  As it was, I survived, albeit with a chocolate chip cookie - which didn't help one bit.  But I am writing this all down, as I need to process it and be able to go in and do it again today.